I just finished reading through all of the comments and emails from my last post.
Wow.
I wish I could express exactly how grateful that I feel in this moment.
Honestly, what does one say when showered with such kindness, compassion and love?
Thank you?
I love you?
You are the wind beneath my wings?
I have made an appointment with a therapist on Monday.
I don't know if I would have had the courage to do it were it not for the encouragement that I recieved here. Honestly, the thought of calling and saying "Hi, um, I've been overeating and I need help." was frightening and embarrassing, but after reading through the comments and realising that I'M NOT ALONE and that it's ok to ask for help, I found the strength to make that call.
(Oh my God, that was so cheesy and I don't blame you if you gagged after you read that, but honestly? I was and continue to be genuinely touched by the support and encouragement that I recieved after writing that post. So, gag if you must, but I am speaking from my heart.)
(Again! With The Cheese&trade!)
(And also? What's with all of the "Honestly's?")
Honestly.
I'm excited to finally be able to talk with a "professional" about this, but am also nervous because the therapist that I was booked with is a dickhead. (He once told me that the reason I cut myself was to get attention from my husband and so that he'd have to take time off of work to take care of me. That was after having been in a room for less than 5 minutes with me and never haven spoken to me before. ) He was the only one with an opening this week, everyone else was booked until the end of September (I WONDER WHY, DICKHEAD!)so I thought I'd give him a chance and take the appointment.
I'm desperate.
Last night, I found THE PERFECT THERAPIST, but damn her for living in another state and also, for not actually being a "Therapist". But, rather A Blogger. Damn her.
(BLOGAPIST!)
Last night we had this really intense talk over Google chat. She asked me probing, thoughtful questions that probed me and made me think. She asked me if I was punishing myself. That kind of took my breath away. I thought about it for a minute and realised there may be something to that. She made me think of things that I had buried deep inside that I thought I had dealt with, but really haven't. She made me realise that I need to get to the root of my problems, talk through them and make peace with them.
If ever there were "The Perfect Therapist" she is it.
Except, you know, she's not a therapist.
As crappy as The Internet can be at times, I always feel grateful to have this little space on the World Wide Web where I can write honestly about things that aren't easy to talk about and in return, recieve love, support and sometimes, a good kick in the ass.
Thank you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a bottle of Sangria in the fridge calling me name.
Sweet, sweet Sangria.
Perhaps you need a combination analyst and therapist. Just kidding. I know I am the only one on earth who watched Arrested Development (joke=analrapist).
Honestly, though, you're on to something. If the therapist doesn't feel right, don't pay him to talk to you. Pay a friend (with booze and lip gloss and stuff) to talk to you. Whoever asks the right questions.