My youngest daughter is 9.

Fuck that noise.

I'm sorry...if she is calling a "BOY" ten times a day, WHERE in the HELL is her MOTHER???? I would shit my pants is Maddie had a boyfriend at that age...she doesn't even have BREASTS!!! Hells. No. Girl.

I agree with you 23456948%.

I just can't wrap my brain around it.

I would shit my pants IF....not IS.

I suck.

It's the ANGER coursing through my VEINS!

I'm in the "regulate his time and how many phone calls" camp, even though it'll probably drive you even more nuts.

I know this is wrong of me, and it will likely get people hating on me, but dude, her name is ASPEN. I honestly can't figure out what parents are thinking when they do that to their children.
ASPEN. It's like she was BORN to be a H-U-S-S-Y.

HOLY CRAP. I am trying to think back to the ripe ol' age of NINE, and I can't remember calling a boy, let alone talking THAT MUCH. My mom would have kicked my ass, I think.

And when I WAS allowed to call them, I had a set time limit and I had to be sitting in the living room, where everyone and their uncle could hear what we were saying.

Laurie - I think you're "fuck that noise" is a common theme in your conversation today. Love ya, girl.

Not a parent, so take this with the grain...

My $.02:

I'd meet somewhere middle (maybe closer to third toward the parents' favor) of the road seeing as the kid has a salient point i.e. "is talking on the phone w/a girl a crime?" cuz well, "*technically*", no...but...

Limit that shit and but hard. Both by # of calls per week and duration. Been awhile since I was 9 and what rules were, but something like 1-2 call during the week before x:00 o'clock (citing the parent's trump of "I don't want this to affect your schoolwork" heh), and 1 weekend? a weekend call could be longer since it's not a school night. You get my ideas - I have no idea what's "the norm" these days, if one even exists at all.

In my opinion, the 8x in a weekend shit has got to stop (if for no other reason than your sanity), and she needs to know the Law and know her behavior is not cool with Ethan's mom and dad.

Of course if she calls and he's not there, you need also explian to girl that "Ethan DOES get his messages, so there is no reason to call back to chekc to see if he got the message or not" (famous trick/loophole among this group)

Anyway, that's what I'd do.

I'd go for the monitor CLOSELY the phone calls and how long they last and how often they happen. If you make a huge deal of it it might make things worse. And maybe if the Hussy can't bother ya'll all day long she'll move onto new prey. Good luck.

I think talking things over with her mom, if she's willing, would be a good idea. Why involve the teacher? Doesn't seem to be a reason for that. But having a cup o' joe with Aspen's momma, talking about Aspen's free use of the phone to call your sweet boy as often as she is...yeah, that needs to be discussed with Aspen, and her mother is JUST the girl to do it! (Hopefully, she's as cool a mom as you are. If not, I don't know what to say...) The poor little girl sounds really codependent, so parents might not be much of a help. (You've done good putting the ban on the calls for now, though. Maybe that'll help Aspen to realize she's crossing a line...not that a 9 year old would be able to figure that out on their own, necessarily. But one can hope!)

Delurking to say two things:

1. Love your website!!!
2. Who the hell names their child Aspen & why would they let her get her jumpstart on boyfriends?

I'm a mommy to a wonderful little girl and I'll be damned if I let her get all hussified and in love at the tender age of 9. My guess this girl isn't closely supervised. Her parents may think nothing of it or more importantly not really care. That would be a shame but may answer why she is looking for attention. Just my thoughts on the matter. ;)

"Why involve the teacher"

I should clarify, I didn't involve the teacher because of the phone calls, but because he's been spending all of his lunch and recess with her and I wanted to make sure that he's getting his work done in class and that it's not affecting his school work. that's why I talked to his teacher.

I plan on talking to her mom, I just have to figure out how I want to do it.

FOR THE RECORD, I like Aspen. SHe's really cute and sweet, I just think she needs to be watched a little closer. You know what I mean?

Remain calm. Breathe. Have the boy's father take him out of the house, perhaps to get some fish tacos, and talk to him about girls and love and telephone bills. Then have the father drop the boy at home, drive over to the girl's house, and beat her parents into a sauce resembling the color and consistency of Rubio's tomatillo salsa.

Mom of two teenage girls here:

Limit the phone calls don't eliminate them. If you totally take them away you'll be the bad one they have to try to sneak behind. No one wants that evahhhhrrrr!

I gave my girls the speech early on that boys are great to have as friends and are much less aggrivating if kept as friends for as long as possible - once you start putting a boyfriend/girlfriend twist on it it becomes a nightmare. They listened to me up until about 8th grade when they both decided that boys were a little more with the time and maintenance :)

My daughter is 15 and we limit her phone time with boys. Also, it is only recently that she is allowed to pick up the phone to call a boy (because I know how annoying these girls can be!) Tell that HUSSY to back OFF! If she doesn't call her parents & ask WTF?!

Moderation. I can't imagine what two nine year olds would have to talk about on the phone? I remember when I was 9 I went to a sleepover and we prank called a boy, we all had to write apology letters to him and his mom the next day.

I agree with the others that a 5-10min conversation once a week maybe, but I mean they are nine. I would use the excessive amount of phone calls this weekend as your in to calling her mom. You could just ask that she limit her calls and calling time because Ethan has "family responsibilities" LOL chores, sports, homework, dance lessons from his mom.

Good luck, I don't look forward to that day. Let us know the turn out

I'm a parent but I'm NO help for you. I was thinking while reading this - thank god someone else has this problem before me so I will know what to do. If it were me though I'd be calling the mother of the girl. That is WAY too many phones calls. Perhaps Mom doesn't even know what's going on. Doesn't make her a good parent but from what I've seen makes her "normal". Which is very, very sad!

I forgot to mention (because I was in a hurry to write this before GABBY WOKE UP) that I did have Ethan invite his buddy over to spend the night to take his mind off of Aspen and THE DAMN PHONE. It worked. When she called, he was all "I have a friend here, I can't talk."

BOOYAH

Heres my nickel sense.........

I like the name Aspen.

I dont think your over-reacting, but i also think that you need to be reminded that he is 9 and Aspen will go as fast as she came and there will be many more. He will be tired of her soon enough and he'll wanna go back to playing with his friends on the playground etc. etc. But i would definatly limit the phone calls. I liked the idea of dad giving him a talking to about girls.....

I have 2 boys and I'm totally reserving the right to change my opinion on this when they are 9 but for now...I think I would let him talk but limit the time for each call and the number of calls in one day. Personally, I would say, no more than 3 calls in one day (don't say just one b/c you know, they could talk once and someone has to go shopping or someone else needs the phone, so 2 times might be better than 3) and I would say not more than 30 min each time. That seems reasonable to me.

I can see where you are with this but I was 9 when I started talking to boys onthe phone and my parents banned my phone usage with boys which everyone thought was soooo stupid. However, when the ban was lifted, I still wasn't able to call boys, they had to call me.

You do what your heart tells you to do, you know that will be right!

Given my own personality, I would be afraid of making my son want to talk/get more involved/whatever because of my obvious aversion to it, so I guess I would make sure it wasn't interfering with school work, and do what my parents did when I started talking constantly to boys/girls/anyone on the phone:

1. No calls after X pm.
2. No calls longer than 10 minutes in duration.
3. No more than one call per person per day (so no getting around rule #2)
4. Any infraction means phone time is out for at least a week.

It became so restrictive it just wasn't worth the effort. And it was blanket across the board, so there was no sense of unfairness or singling out a particular kid.

Just my .02 worth of assvice. Good luck.

One of the reasons this is so hard for me is because of the way tha tI was raised. I wasnt' allowed to talk on the phone PERIOD. Not even in high school. I remember one time, this guy that I really liked who was 2 years older than me and VERY HOT called and pretended to be a girl. (Because when he asked me for my number, I said "I can't give it to you, I'm not allowed to talk to boys" But, he got the number from my cousin and called anyway) My little brother was all "mom, I think it's a boy, but he siad his name is cindy." haha.

ANyway, yeah, this is hard because I dont' want to be like my parents, but I don't want to be too lienient either.

Ok, I'm gonna go with limit the number and length of calls. 1st of all, you know how kids are, if you tell him he cannot talk to her, he will want to even more and find a way. 9 years old is too young to be calling a boy 10 times, that's crazy.

You really can't be too careful, because kids no more about sex and shit than we did at this age and are starting younger, God help us.

Honestly, I wouldn't interfere. They're nine, it will blow over. They are exploring relationsips before they're ready, but that is pretty harmless. I'd monitor him, of course, but wouldn't interfere.

But, you know, I also think you should follow your instincts.

What is up with kids these days? I mean, sure, we had "boyfriends" when I was that age, but it involved holding hands sometimes in the playground and maybe having our friends stage a fake wedding. But mostly it was so we would have even more to talk about with our girl friends, who we would much rather spend time with than the boys.

I won't give you any 'advice' because I really don't know what I'd do in that situation, but I hope you figure out something that can keep both you and Ethan happy :)

xXx

One call per day, 1/2 hour limit. Must be before dinner.

I don't have kids, so I am really not of much use here. But my instinct says to just limit the phone time and not get any more involved than this. Calling the teacher? Seems to much to me and a sure way to mortify your son. At the very most, maybe call Aspen's mom and let her know that you are fine with Aspen chatting with your son but you are limiting phone time and would appreciate her possibly taking the same stance with Aspen. I don't know??

Ok, the reason I called the teacher had NOTHING TO DO with the phone calls and everything to do with the fact that TWO of Ethan's friends parents told me that their sons were "bummed out" because Ethan wasn't spending anytime with them at recess and lunch because he was too busy "spending time with his girlfriend."

I can't be there to see what's going on, so I called her just to make sure he's doing his work in class and not distracted by the whole "girlfriend" thing.

I don't think there's anything "too much" about that. But then again, what do I know?

I dunno - maybe you could invite her over for dinner - sort of "keep your enemies closer" type strategy and offer her this little giftmaking sure she takes it home and shows her parents. That might make them sit up and take notice.

I am all about the "It will blow over" strategy, yet, i dont think calling the teacher was too much. That teacher is withyour son for 8 hours a day and she will prolly be the first to know if its gotten way to serious for 9 years old so she would have been the first call i made. Once I was reassured that grades are fine etc. etc........... then i would revert back to the "it will blow over" theory.

I'd call the mom. I have two daughters (under 4) but hey If my daughter was doing it I would want to know. Just call and be all nice and all like, Ethan and Aspen are really good friends now and I just wanted to say hi to you. Then get around to maybe together coming up with rules for the kids?

I'm not a parent, so what do I know? But here goes anyway, since you said advice was being accepted.

I'm definitely in favor of monitoring how much time he spend on the phone with her, and you seem to be doing a bang-up job of regulating this whole thing (call the teacher! They love that. My friend is a teacher and she WISHES all parents would be this involved) ... but seems to me that in another week or two he'll be sick of a chick that calls 10 times a day. Calling nonstop? Taking him away from his friends? Can't last long. Unless she is really one hell of a conversationalist, and I don't think that's possible at 9 years old.

Have you ever watched MTV?

Things are so different now than they were when we were kids

At 9 though? My 8 year old and her best friend can't find 10 minutes of stuff to talk about and she moved to Germany!

I bet it will pass over.

But there are many more hussies out there.

I think girls are by far more aggressive these days than boys.

There's a plus to north dakota and that is that in the winter it is so cold that all you can see of anyone is about an inch above and below their eyes. So the girls are covered. The negatives are a. it's so freakin' cold it makes me want to cry just remembering some of the winters I went through and b. when it's warm the girls tend to dress like complete hootchies.

Y, as another non-parent (why are we all weighing in?) but a former kid, I think you're doing the right thing. I know they're nine, but letting it play out doesn't seem like a good idea because:
1) it's inconveniencing you and your family (constant phone calls = annoying)
2) What if your 13-year old, whom you have far more to worry about re: what he can get up to with girls, takes the way you handle this as a lesson for what he can and can't do with girlfriends? "But you let Ethan talk on the phone 8 times a day with Aspen..."
So laying down the law is good. Also, I don't think calling the teacher was a bad idea either! I agree with everyone else who suggested limited phone calls. You decide how often and for how long, according to the limits of your sanity. It might not be a bad idea if you or Tony made a point of being in the same room...

Best of luck to you!

Ok, so my son is 16 now so here are my words of wisdom

1) This will probably blow over quickly. He will get tired of her and move on. The friends will help him with that.

2) Even though they are 9 and it's innocent etc... you have an older boy (right?) and you kind of have to think about the future, because it isn't going to get any better.... If there are no phone rules now, it will be hard to implement them later. You'll get the "but you used to let me....."

You and your husband may want to discuss what your dating rules are gonna be. Decide now and stick to them and start telling your kids now, what the rules are (remember, you have a little girl too...some people really do think about it all differently when they think about their little girls.)

We didn't let him date until 16, but he could do things with groups/chaperones before that. With the driving laws the way they are in CA, poor kid will have a chaperone for a while.

And just keep being you! You seem to have a great relationship with your kids. Be honest. Be open. It's sad, but the honest truth is that there is way too much going on at the schools - including oral...you know... Your kids need to know what your beliefs are.

I just straight out told my son, it's fun, it's normal, you'll want to hang out with girls, you'll want to do more... but you can't ever go back to being young and innocent... blah, blah, blah... insert your own values and beliefs...

One of the BEST things about setting rules and boundaries is the simple fact that sometimes they get sucked into this stuff quick, then they don't have the maturity to get out... and they can just say "My parents won't let me." Free pass for them.

Good Luck!!!!

I think setting some limits on the number of calls will help. My boy is only 5, so we're not there yet (phew!) but I can imagine I will have the same struggle you're having. It sounds like you're doing all the right things - and honestly, from your posts in the past, it seems that your boys have such a sweet, loving relationship with you...it only makes sense that they'll attract girls like crazy. Good luck - I know you'll figure out the right way to handle this. I just KNOW I'm going to be a horrendous mother-in-law some day, because I can't stand the idea of some hoochie with my baby boy! ;-)

You will do what's right because you are a great mom. Yes.You.Are.

And...from MY experience as a 9 year old girl....not anything to do with my girls....is....the bigger deal you make of it, the bigger deal it will become. I can remember anything my mom would say, bless her heart, would add fuel to MY fire!! And GOODNESS KNOWS we don't need ANY issue to get ANY bigger than they already are with our kids!!

Maybe. Just MAYBE. If it's not a big deal for us...it will blow over for them.

However. Maybe. Just MAYBE. I'm in denial.

Either is possible! :-)

...delurking

I think A) make rules so that the phone calls don't annoy the whole family, so he learns about consideration and stuff and B) think how great it'll be if he learns that needy codependent girls are annoying and take away all his time with friends when he's 9 rather than 15 when bigger, badder consequences are possible.

I was watching TV this morning (shocking! haha) and this commercial came on for a new SUV named Aspen. This girl was the first thing I thought of. hehehe

Don't have any advice really. I never called a boy until I was in high school (and even then it wasn't a boyfriend boy, just a friend) and am dreading the day this starts here.

Eventually, it'll move to IM and MySpace. The bright side of that is the phone won't be ringing and no one will be saying "be quiet!" or talking contantly. heh

Another childless reader chiming in to agree that you should keep on monitoring things. I think that if his involvement with his other friends, school, and home remain at about the same level, then okay - but the second that balance makes a real shift, then it's time to bust out the hardass!

Also, Lipstickface? I read 2/3rds of that article before I realized it was a joke. Sheesh!

Aww man, I have a 1 year old boy....Is this what I have to look forward to?? God! I'm sure it will be worse 9 years from now.

I have no advice.

I'm too sad.

totally overreacting, what has your child ever been exposed to, to make you doubt him so?

Prolly a good idea to keep a limit on how many times a day she can call...kids do seem to grow up a whole lot faster these days, girls in particular (in my experience.) And keep the dialog going. You've got a great boy. You're a great Mom. You guys will figure it out.

Ah, I love people who twist things. People like Skye.

I never said I doubted my son.

I just think that I need to get a handle on the amount of time they spend on the phone and also the amount of time he spends hanging out with a "girlfriend" as opposed to his buddies.

He's 9 years old, not 15. He needs to know boundaries and what's appropriate for his age. He can hang out with Aspen if he wants, but I don't want him exclusively hanging out with her and talking with her on the phone for hours every night.

This is all new to me and I'm learning as I go. The bottom line? I love my son and want the best for him.

P.S. Next time you comment, leave a real email address, please. Thank you.

Delurking because I haven't been here for awhile.

Ok I am not a parent, but work with kids in that age group a lot. Couple things..
One, the parents might not even know about Aspen calling your son so much. I watched my little middle schoolers have "boyfriends", but their parents knew nothing of it. Calling another parent is a delicate issue, so I wish you luck with that. Because you are talking about their child. The best of parents don't always know what their kids are up to, so yeah, I think it is important to make sure mom or dad of Aspen knows what is going on.

Second, I think what you are doing right now works. I mean I had limitations on how many phone calls and how long I could talk. Hell, I'm about to be 27 and when I go visit my parents, my mother will say how long have you been on that phone?? You're being open with your son and setting limits, he's at an age where he needs that.
I'd like to think I turned out fine.

and third, I think by inviting his friends more often like you did is the best way to wean him from the girl. Having a girlfriend is new and cool for him, and I'm guessing your son is also a sweetheart who doesn't want to upset a girl. BUT he doesn't realize his friends are missing time with him. So having them there helps you not to put too many boundaries on him, and in turn he gets to spend time with his friends.

Either way, this is a hard situation to address.

Fuck that noise. I agree with you. No "girlfriend/boyfriend" talk or actions at 9 (or grammar school, period). Too many kids start "doing the deed" at 9 and shit, I was nine when I reached puberty so technically I could have gotten pregnant if I was a "ho".

Shiiittt. I waited until 19 for anyone to touch me above or below the belt (for fear of total ass beating by the parents). I wasn't even allowed to have a boy call me until 15. By late 16's I could call them...but only if it was a return call. I couldn't call them out of the blue to say "whassup?"

I think too many parents think of their kids as little adults. But you know, kid-time is short and I believe they should stay kids. And kids shouldnt' have situations that are similar to marriage (calling each other girlfriend/boyfriend, committment, etc.).

Shiiiitt if/when I have a kid, I will always instill in them that relationships are for 20+ and first rules are get educated, get self esteem, gain independence, be cultured, be respectful, and travel to experience life. THEN think about settling down. Relationships fuck with your head at any age. Kids shouldn't need to deal with that shit.

And who the fuck names their kid "Aspen"? Jeese.

Holy crap, Y! You get so many comments I'm sure you have already gotten more advice than you know what to do with.

But........

I have some for you anyway :) Keep doing what you're doing. He is still so young and has the rest of his life to worry about girls and all that drama. My 12 year old daughter is not allowed to have a boyfriend. It drives her crazy, but my husband and I know we are doing the right thing. What am I saying? You're a great mom. you have great kids. I'm sure you'll handle it the best way.

If you start putting your foot down about harmless stuff like this, he will start hiding it and doing it anyway and then before you know it you are out of the communication loop and he will begin to share less and less with you.

I love ya to death, but you gotta chill out. Limit it to a call or two a day, and relax.

Well, my oldest girl is 9, and I can tell you with confidence that she has never called a boy, nor will she ever be allowed to call a boy. Ever. We are also checking on convent schools. :)

Seriously, I think it's inappropriate. However, I also think if you ban it, it will become the "forbidden love" thing, which will make it more desirable than ever. At least that's what I would worry about.

So I agree with the group that says put limits on (better now than later!) No calls in or out after say, dinnertime. And only one call before dinner. Maybe do what the Brady's did, and put a pay phone in the living room. Perhaps Ethan will quickly come to the conclusion that Aspen is not worth a quarter every time he wants to talk to her. (Hey, it's a thought, right?) :)

But is it "harmless" to have a girl calling THAT many times a day, everyday? That's the issue.

Crap. When I said "Banned" I just meant I told him that he couldn't talk for TWO days because I was SICK of her calling and him walking around with the phone acting all "Rico Suave"

I had a "boyfriend" when I was his age. We were "together" for two years and all we did was write notes and sit together at lunch. He would call me maybe once a month to say things like "I love to play football with my dad and my friends... and hamburgers are good, too." and that was the extent of our affair. It ended when I changed schools.

My point? These things are usually innocent. I think you're a good mom to monitor it, though, and stay very involved and concerned. Above all, (and I see that you are doing this wonderfully, just some reinforcement from the peanut gallery), make yourself someone he can come and talk with. Open communications will alllow you to nip it in the bud if it gets out of hand, because you will -know- when it gets out of hand. I don't care what these people say, Y, PROTECT HIM PROTECT HIM because OMG he has the rest of his life to stress out over girls.

I'm not going to go down the assvice route (the whole "not a parent" thing), but I have to say that this only enforces my theory that kids today are growing up so much faster than I ever did.

It's the things like these that make me very thankful that I get to send the kids home when the bell rings. I can't imagine being the one picking them up.

Am obviously not so good at the comforting. Sorry.

Duuude! I can totally relate! My 11 year old just got his heart broken by "Caroline"! I think the girl wants to fight, makin' my boy cry. :-)

Change the phone number.

Awww, Y. Wait until he becomes a teenager.

I haven't read the other comments so I'm sure this has all been said already but anyway........

My assvice:

Let it go Mom. He's a boy and even though he's only 9, Hey! he's a good looking boy. Nothing is going to happen between the two of them. Holding hands is not that bad and I doubt that the school would even tolerate that.

Like you said, limit their calls to one another, and the time.

By making a big deal out of it you are only going to peak his curiosity that much more. So pick your battles.....he's not smoking or wanting to wear a dog collar and asking you to buy him all black clothes with a studded belt.

If you forbid them then they will just do it behind your back.

So that's my 2 cents and good luck Mom!

One phone call a day and only after the homework is done and I'd put a time limit on it. I only allow my kids to have friends over on Fridays or Saturdays. Nothing during the week. I'm hardcore. I can understand your concern. I'm right there with you on that.

I think I would react very much the same way you are. Thankfully, my boys are still at the "girls have cooties" stage. But if you don't set the boundaires now, in regards to the girls, where will they be when they're 13 and the hormones are a-raging.

You're a great mom Y. You'll find your way, and I hope to learn from you so that I'll know what to do with my Ethan when he starts with this crap.

You can limit the calls. If you forbid them, it will make him like her more and you less. Don't involve the school or in any way publicly humiliate him. We all remember public humiliation at the hands of our uncool parents.

If it were me, I would actually invite Aspen over (NOT into his bedroom) and make sure it's all happening at my house. I would also try to show my son that I am concerned but that I am BEING REASONABLE and am just not ready for this, think it's taking too much time away from family, etc. Be honest and rational (very brief explanations).

Also, now that Aspen has his attention, she might get bored. But again, make friends with her. She probably isn't actually a hussy (I always liked boys--always. Kindergarten. And I was never slutty.) and she definitely has great taste!

Personally, I don't think any kid at age 9 should have a boyfriend/girlfriend. They should be being kids and not having to worry about that shit. They have their whooole life to go through that.

Keep doing what you're doing. You are the parent, you set the rules and it's not wrong of you to ignore the calls or disconnect the phone.

Y, I think you are doing a perfect job. My best friend growning up could only have calls until 8 pm even until the day we got out of school! Boys werent allowed to call me. EVER.

Dont listen to people that tell you, you are making to much of this, he is your son and you are the only one who knows him. I would just tell her or her mom that once or twice is fine. Again, you are doing a perfect job, dont let anyone make you think differnt. HUGS!!

PS, I read this everyday...sorry i havent responded before.

My son will never have a girlfriend.

Shut up. Let me believe my own lies.

I had to go speak to the teacher because my SIX year old "hussy" had a boyfriend already. I felt exactly like you do. It's BS.

She had written one of those circle yes or no deals if he wanted to be her "bofrend". I told her she needed to learn how to spell before she should even be thinking about boys. They need to contain it in the classroom.

I talked to the teacher and she sent a note out because it was apparently some underground thing she was aware of but thought had ceased.

They are nine. They have no business on the phone playing. I'm totally in agreement with you.

Shiiit, I meant to comment yesterday but then one of my Crotchfruit probably needed a diaper change or something.

As your friend and as that weird lady that calls your house and makes your children afraid to answer the phone, as an owner of a vagina and a former boy-infatuated little girl, I personally think this needs to stop.

I guess, for me, there should be some guidelines. Maybe something like "Well, talking to a girl on the phone isn't bad, but it isn't necessarily something a 9-year-old should be doing." And then maybe set some ground rules so its not like you're cutting her out, but to let him know that this "relationship" isn't exactly age-appropriate.

Hmm.

My experience:I am happily married to the father of our 21yo daughter who lives at home, works and goes to college fulltime.
At 9 she had no interest in boys other than as friends. Her first boyfriend was at 15.
One of her friends had a "boyfriend" from 4th to 6th grade, it consisted of notes and occasional hand holding, no kissing. (yes I asked)
All you wimmins getting your panties in a wad, being all restrictive, seriously are looking for trouble. I have witnessed kids growing up with very strict parents, not all end up being on crack or "dancers", but I have seen a few.
You need to pick your battles. You need to have faith that you have done your job and instilled good values in your child, so that if/when you are not around they will make the right choice and make you proud as a parent. I agree with Dawn.
ps- something weird I notice is that Mom's of boys are so "Mama-bearish" both of my sisters have only boys and they are like you are in regards to this- where I have never felt that way- hhmmm.. I love your blog

I'd totally go with the limiting the number and duration of phone calls. It is totally reasonable to set those limits for all his friends, and the plus is that you can do it and NOT have it be a reflection of your squirmy feelings about the whole "9 year old lovers" situation.

You can just lay down the law as a family rule that he (and future pre-teens) can have one leisurely-but-timed phone call, after homework is done, or whatever you decide is appropriate. That way Aspen doesn't feel persecuted, and Ethan doesn't feel stuck in the middle and you end up being the non-evil grownup and getting a gold star and a cookie. Or a margarita, if you so choose.

Teacher and Mom here: A wise woman once told me (as I was raising my young daughters) to remember this: Once you give them something - it's harder to take it back. Better to let them experience things slowly.

I never forgot that. Because I lived with that advise, when I did allow something, I knew (and the girls knew) it was out there for good, I wasn't going to yank it back. And they also APPRECIATED it more. Ears peirced, make-up, etc. - all of that stuff came slowly and was looked forward to. In this day and age, it's hard to believe my daughters (who are now 17 & 23) only began dating at 16. But let me tell ya, they thought it was a great privilege and took it as such. We talked endlessly about things, looking forward to the passages of growing up, and therefore they seemed to enjoy it more.

As a teacher of 4th graders, I have seen aggressive girls. I have seen written notes where girls talk about giving "bj's" and I've had girls get their periods for the first time. I appreciate when a parent calls to tell me what is happening because I monitor it closely and I put a big stop to it in class. I am very matter of fact but I explain HELLO! You are in 4th grade! When you master cursive, fractions, and the scientific method, then we will talk. IN the meantime, knock it off and concentrate on the HUGE TEST I AM ABOUT TO GIVE YOU. haha.

Seriously, don't ignore it. You know in your heart not to. TRUST your instincts, Y.

Please don't get all fussy about spelling - just saw I spelled "advice" as "advise. THAT'S exactly why I hate saying I am a teacher when I post on a blog! People will be all over that. :( Anyway - re-reading some comments - about how you can rest assured you raised him right, etc. HE IS NINE YEARS OLD. HE IS NOT DONE BEING RAISED. He wants your guidance as much as you want to give it him, Y.

(((Y)))) The assvice gets overwhelming. Sorry you feel like you cannot ever post about this again. I definitely saw your humor and didn't think you were hysterical. Also, for the record, your comment after mine yesterday made the phone call to the teacher make sense to me.

You're a great mom! I am sure you are handling this fabulously.

What was the present???

Sorry...I can't help myself but:

honestly!!

haha

Holy hell, girl!

You started all kinds of stuff here... I won't give you any advice because LOOK AT MY GIRLS (www.thevalentefamily.com) my 13 & 14 year olds look they're college students! And my 4 year old recites songs by Fergie Ferg and Emanem. I am a DISASTER of a mother.

But times are different these days, and we all do the best we can.

And honestly? No one could be a better mother to Andrew, Ethan and Gabby than YOU!

Just another voice in the mix but my daughter is 9 and if she were calling a boy that many times, I would want to know and put a stop to it. Heck, I even put the smack down on a neighbor girl who would start calling at 9 am and would continue to call until we answered (and it was only answered with my permission). I called her Mom and told her that had to stop and her Mom wasn't even aware that she was doing it.

At our Back2School night, the teacher wrote about how spring romances tended to pop up but they strongly discouraged them and to let her know if we had any questions or concerns.

Keep on keeping on Y, you and only you (hubby implied) know what is best for your kids and your family. You aren't over reacting but merely acting on your maternal instinct to keep your kids from growing up WAY too fast!

My vote is for homeschooling in North Dakota.
Honestly.

Hey, de-lurking to say that I know a girl who had a daughter and named her Aspen and then had another daughter and named her....are you ready for it? Maple! I'm not kidding! *slips quietly back into lurkdom, popping out only to say "I love your blog!"*

I like mussy. Much better than male ho which would be...mo?

Actually mo is pretty good.

I can't believe this is what brings me out of lurkerdom! I have been reading for a while now. Love your blog.

My son will be 9 in Dec. This crap started mildly in kinder and has gotten worse. Actually so far, 2nd grade was the worst. Those 2nd grade girls about wore me out. First time my son said he wanted to give a girl his phone number I said no. He begged and I explained that he could give it if he wanted, but there was no point as he was not allowed to take phone calls at this age.

There have been a few phone calls and messages left (our # is listed), but he has never returned a call or talked to a girl on the phone. He is pretty into the girls thing - although he seems to be a little less interested this year. Maybe they are wearing him out too!

Really, I am going to try to keep him off the phone for as long as possible. I am pretty liberal, but that stuff drives me batshit crazy. He does not even answer our phone unless I tell him to.

He talks on the phone (and even has his own cell phone - one that I can put call restrictions on), but it is to my mom, ex husband, my fiance, a few family friends etc.

Not a mom, but was definatly amused, and inspired to comment. I totally get your drama, and really love it. I am wee bit meladramatic... I know that... I don't plan to stop. But I am not serious about it, it is part of my humor :)

any who my thoughts on this. when I was in the 4th grade, I had my first boyfriend - we dated for one day, he broke up with me saying he only asked me out to see what my bestfriend would say.... I had a few on and off between then and sophomore year when I started dating my now husband. non lasted more than a month (exp. my good friend which lasted a summer) They were mostly stupid. I kissed only three! I think in alot of ways those early 'relationships' are part of exploring life, growing up, and part of being a kid. I think rules are ok, because come on that number of calls is crazy. i had NO RULES as a child. and I turned out good... obnoxiously well behaved in high school! ug. but i admit i wanted some. If only to hid behind when my friends wanted me to do something I knew was wrong, or didn't want to do. I think as a family deciding on some general phone rules would be good. I drove my parents crazy being on the phone constantly, but not untill jr. high. but I think allowing the rules to grow and flex with your kids as they do makes the most sense. You have to be comfortable with it, but you know, let your kids grow up ;) cause as much as a mom might want them to stop, they will keep growing :) good luck. and I am sorry you feel like you can't talk in a humorus was about going through this. I think it could be something both healing for you and also helpful for other readers... but I guess there are assholes in every bunch.

I don't know much about Fargo, but HELLO...

5 beds, 2 baths, 2500 sq. feet

Love your blog, and see that you have gotten some real good advice here. You appear to be a great mom and I'm sure you'll handle the situation appropriately. I am a bit concerned by the people on here hating on a 9 year old KID and making fun of her name. What's up with that? 'born to be a hussy'? Are you kidding me? I hope so!

This is one of my new favorite blogs. Still not a mommy so I'm sorry I have no advice to give but you are totally hysterical. You've got to be one of the coolest mamas in the blogosphere.

just for the record...don't call him a mo. that's already taken by the mo's .....the gays. according to grace...of will and grace

I don't usually comment because
(A) I'm always nursing when I read, and
(B) You get a gazillion comments so what's one more, but since my kid's not eating right now, for once, I just wanted to say that you are totally hilarious and not at all a freak and you can write about whatever you want whenever you want because it's your damn blog. I check in daily (or try, anyway) and am always excited when there's something new to entertain me. You're a great mom (the PERFECT mom for your kids) and don't ever forget that. You're fantabulous!

Keep doing what you do, Y.

Mother of an 8 year old boy, I don't know what the hell I'd do. I mean, you really don't know what to do....you just do your best as a parent and do what feels right for your family. Right?

I think it's a little much for 9 year olds to be talking like that, personally. My son is a new 8 and he aint NOWHERE near ready for that responsibility. I'm not even sure he's even interested in girls at this point in his life. I say keep 'em young as long as possible. He has his whole life to chase girls.

Good luck girlfriend!

I'm late getting in on this debate, but as the mother of 8 and 13 yr old boys, I say, just put an absolute, cold-turkey stop to it. I barely even let my 13 yr old talk on the phone. 9 is retardedly too young to be playacting in that way, IMHO. And yeah, Bratzpen's mom TOTALLY needs to pull her head out of her ass and put the brakes on the whole Hoochie in Progress thing.

Obviously this is redundant, but I don't think it's cool that Aspen is making all of these phone calls at her age. I think it's even more uncool if her parents don't know about it. Sure, my kids do things I'm not aware of - who the hell is perfect?, but talking on the phone like that? There's no way they could get away with it. Not even if they hid outside and in the basement. All three of my older girls (10, 8, 7) love the phone and want one in their rooms, but hell. no.

We are receiving phone calls from a 7 yr old at 1 or 2 a.m. though! WTF is that all about?

I would have called the teacher upon hearing that too. Of course, I'm the first parent to fire off an e-mail if I see a 70 on my kid's paper, asking for extra work.

I've been reading for about a month and love your blog.

My 9 year old daughter came home this week saying she had a boyfriend and with his phone number. My rule is she can talk to him on the phone but only in the same room as one of her parents and only if HE calls her first.

I did allow her to call him BACK when she couldn't talk because she was doing homework. He's not in her class, so I'm not worried about the school impact at this point but I'm keeping an eye open.

I also am not encouraging it too much. However, she talks to me about everything right now and I don't want that to change or encourage her to be sneaky either.

I had a boyfriend in 4th grade. The difference being I never even SPOKE to him!! LOL

Thanks though...I NEVER dreamt I'd be dealing with this issue SO early or SO soon after reading your post!! At least I was a little prepared!

I'm really bummed that you're not going to talk about this anymore, because I can relate to how you're feeling. I have the same questions: how much is too much? Where do I draw the line? Etc. And my son is 13! I hope you will ignore the "word twisters" and keep sharing with those of us who tryi not to make snap judgments, and just recognize that we're in this motherhood journey TOGETHER, and we need to support each other. Whatever, I know I'm corny, but it's true. Anyway, I hope this all blows over soon.

If I could only say 1 thing, it'd be to limit the calls to before dinnertime and tell him it's about respecting Aspen's parents, that way, it doesn't look like you have a problem with her...I had a boyfriend whose mother absolutely didn't allow calls after 10pm and I lived in fear of her. If he's chatting that much to her now, he'll get bored of her FAST. Hopefully.

I have a 9 year old that is all into boys and stuff, but there is no way I would allow her to be calling boys 100 times a day. If I were you, I would put a limit in the calls to like one a day for so many minutes. If she calls more than that I would just let her know the rule. I am so glad I found your site because I constantly am worrying about things like this and haven't found too many other moms that seem to be wondering about the same types of things. Please don't squash these discussion...

I have a 9 year old son, too. I have NO idea what I would do in this situation. However, I must state my objection to the name Aspen as well. Yuck. And, having grown up in North Dakota, I can tell you that you could, indeed, afford a house there. And land. And a pony. And probably a cleaning lady, a lawn guy and a pool boy. (Except it gets cold there in the winter so the pool might not be such a great idea. But if he's cute, you could keep him anyway. I'm just sayin' ...) Love your blog.