I have a history of overreacting to things in life. I can't tell you how many times a loved one has told me to "CALM DOWN" or "CHILL OUT" or "OMG. YOU PARANOID FREAK ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
I'm a very emotional person, who is filled with many fears, most of them irrational (like, I'm scared to drive with sunglasses on because what if I get into a car accident and my airbag goes off and the force of the exploding bag crushes the glasses deep into my face, blinding and mutilating my face?) some of them rational (cancer, heart attack, losing my sight, or a limb.) It's hard for me to NOT overreact because OMG. I COULD DIE. JESUS HELP ME!
When I first started BALAWWWGING, I used to over react to any negative thing that was said about me. If someone left a comment calling me a fat pig, I'd fling my body off of my chair, fall to the ground and sob like a little baby. Then, I'd write a post about it whilst sobbing hysterically because "OMG. SOMEONE WAS MEAN TO ME."
Then I learned that hey, not everyone is going to like me, or what I have to say. And some people will hate me, and some people will make fun of me, and some people will take times out of their obviously very full and rich lives to create anonymous email accounts to tell me how if they were my husband, they'd have "slapped that cookie out of my hand." And some people are just assholes, and some people aren't assholes, they're good people who just don't find the humor in certain words that I use regarding a certain little person who KISSED MY SON at school the other day and will feel the need to leave comments that aren't very nice to let me know how they feel.
And that's ok. It's all ok. Because they are people who I do not know, who do not know me and who have formed an opinion based on what I write here.
Fine.
We all do that. Every single one of us. It's just that some of us don't feel the need to take time out of our lives to tell the people that we can't stand on the internet that we can't stand them. We simply roll our eyes, or stop reading their blogs, or make voodoo dolls out of them and poke them with needles in the vaginal area.
So, I've learned to ignore, to laugh at, to perhaps think about what was said and if it's true, to learn how to change or become a better person, or to call my brother and accuse him of sending the email. (Which haha, how cute is it that I accused my brother of such a thing?)
In many ways, this blog, the people who read it, have taught me how to Chill The Hell Out.
Well, when it comes to "internet related things." Because PIGHUNTER KNOWS that I still haven't learned how to calm the hell down in "real life."
Example. Last night, I was placing potatoes into a pot of boiling water and as I dropped one into the pot (HA! HA! HA!), the boiling water splashed out of the pot, straight into my eye.
Now, it hurt, but that is not what I freaked out about because I have a freakishly high tolerance to pain. What I freaked out about was this.
"OMG. I BURNT MY EYE. I BURNT MY EYE! WHAT HAPPENS TO AN EYE THAT IS BURNT? DOES A BLISTER FORM? AM I GOING TO GET A BLISTER ON MY EYE? WILL ICE HELP? OMG! TONY! WHAT IF I GET A BLISTER AND IT GETS INFECTED? CAN I GO BLIND?"
(I am not exaggerating people. I actually said those things and I actually compulsively checked the mirror to see if any blisters were forming and quite possibly kept covering my left eye to see if I may be losing sight in the burnt eye.)
I sometimes watch "calm people" and secretly envy their ability to not immediately think that they are going to die, or go blind, or end up in a wheelchair for the rest of their life.
(Funny story about THAT. One time? When me and Tony were painting? I was standing on a plastic chair, because I was too lazy to get the ladder out, and as I stretched my body to reach the highest part of the cieling, the chair busted into pieces, sending me crashing to the ground. It happened so fast, that I didn't actually know what had happened, but what I did know is that I had fallen off of a chair and that I could have severed my spinal cord and (TRUE STORY), so as soon as I hit the ground, I started screaming (AGAIN, TRUE STORY) "OMG! I MAY BE PARALYZED! TONY! AM I PARALYZED?" I jumped up and was running around the house (to make sure that my legs worked) and continued to scream "OMG. AM I PARALYZED?"
Tony was laughing so hard that he couldn't breathe -which, GLAD YOU FIND THE PROSPECT OF ME LOSING THE ABILITY TO WALK SO FUNNY, MISTER ASS- and was all "Babe, you're NOT PARALYZED. Look! You are running around! GET A GRIP! And, oh, for future reference, if you really think you may have severed your spinal cord... DO NOT MOVE. That's the worst thing you could do!"
Go ahead, laugh, but dudes, I WAS SERIOUSLY INJURED. Honestly. Look at the bruise that it left on my ass.
Not so funny now, is it?)
In all seriousness, I hate that I make things in my life out to be much bigger in my head than they are in reality. My life would be so much easier if I could get a grip and some perspective on things before I react. For once, I'd like to be able to enjoy a cookie without getting all "OH MY GOD. I JUST ATE A COOKIE AND RUINED MY DIET FOREVER I MIGHT AS WELL EAT THE WHOLE BATCH NOW!" about it. I wish I could eat the cookie, enjoy the cookie and move on with life.
I wish that I could watch my boys play football and not want to shout out "BE CAREFUL! You smack your head on the pavement and get permanent brain damage!"
I wish that when I hear a funny noise coming from the motor of my van, I wouldn't start crying because "OH NOES! The transmission must be going out and that costs at LEAST $1,500 and where am I going to get an extra $1,500 from and HOW WILL I FEED MY KIDS WITHOUT MONEY?"
And I wish that I could remember what in the HELL my point was in writing this in the first place because "OMG. What am I even talking about anymore? Why do I even have a blog if I can't get through a post without forgetting what my post is about? MAYBE I SHOULD QUIT BLOGGING BECAUSE I SUCK AND EVERYONE WILL HATE ME AFTER THIS."
OMG! Y! Aspen kissed him?!
Y, I honestly don't know how anyone who reads this blog could possibly dislike you. You have the brightest personality that shines through in every post, and it's impossible not to fall in love with you after reading your blog!!! I sure did (in a very platonic way...I don't want to make out with you or anything, but I did enjoy your dirty dance).
So, you overreact a little bit. BIG DEAL!!
WE STILL LOVE YOU!