My daughter flat out refused to take a nap this morning.
She was all "Nap? Oh hells naw. I want to watch Barney and I WILL SCREAM UNTIL YOU LET ME WATCH IT!"
It's as if she knew that I have a really great story to tell and she DIDN'T WANT ME TO TELL IT. (Yes, sometimes I think my daughter is out to get me and that she is trying to keep me from enjoying the simple things in life, like telling The Internet that I told famous people about my gas problem and the fact that I fart when I'm nervous. Oh YES I DID.)
Nap time is the time of the day in which I can take a shower (and also a dump, but not that the same time!) in peace. It is the only time in the day in which I can write, it is the only time of the day in which I can do pretty much anything that I want to do because I don't have to worry about her climbing on furniture, or getting her daddy's razor and attemtping to shave her face, or coloring on my walls, or taking all of the wicks out of my candles and so on and so forth.
She finally fell asleep about 10 minutes ago, but not without a fight. (and an assload of bribes. "I will buy you a Barney doll if you close your eyes RIGHT NOW and stop moving." She's too young to understand the "I will sell your toys on Ebay if you don't listen!" threats, but she totally understands bribes. Whatever works, people. That is my parenting philosophy.) One would think that means I can finally write about my absolutely fabulous experience yesterday, right?
Wrong.
Because it is now 1:15, I must take a shower and get ready to pick the boys up from school.
But, because I love you, I'll leave you with a little "taste" of what it was like until I can write about it later tonight.
Ready?
[a little taste]
Me: Oh my God. I'm so nervous. I am so nervous. I don't know what to ask. I'm so nervous.
Her: Don't be nervous. You'll be fine. It's not a big deal, it's going to be fun.
Me: "Oh my God. Hold my hand. I'm so nervous. I can't do this. I know, I'm so annoying. I know you want to slap me. Oh my God, you can slap me. Seriously. Or tell me to shutup, because I'm annoying. And nervous. Did I mention I was nervous?"
Yeah.
But, it gets better! I swear! Because she took me up on my offer and slapped the shit out of me** and man, that knocked the nervousness right out of my system.
Until the cast came out and I saw their PERFECT TEETH.
Then I was nervous again.
[/a little taste]
**quite possibly a lie
You are so hilarious. Can't wait to hear the rest of the story.