Oh man, just don't do what my (single) dad did when you decide to have "the talk." He had me stay overnight at my aunt's house, and she put some kind of government-issued pamphlet with diagrams of the male and female anatomy in my suitcase before I left. I think I'm still embarassed. Oh, and then, a couple of years later, my stepmom told me that I couldn't use tampons because then I wouldn't be a virgin. Yeah, that was before I made her read the insert on the package from her own box of tampons. God, being a pre-teen sucked!

I'm SO sorry about the boys games! That is total crap, Y! I'm upset for you all...the boys worked super hard and they lost because of other people's mistakes. Craptastic.

And for the record? Nobody SHOWED me how to use a tampon...they include that phamplet for a reason. *lol* Did she mean she actually showed her daughter? Like demonstrated?? Because that's WEIRD. Real weird.

I don't know, Kyla, but that's kind of what it sounded like, and um, AHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to bleach my brain.

Ew, she actually physically showed her? What?!!!

My mom and I never had any "talk" about it. The whole period/puberty thing was covered by The Video they show in elementary school... and I learned how to use a tampon from reading the damn instructions. It's not like it's difficult or anything... what is wrong with that woman?

TOTALLY understand about the heartbreak of the basketball game. Coffeekid has been in Fall Soccer, Spring Soccer, Baseball, Football and Track since he was 4 years old. The kids is a natural athlete... but you are only as good as your team and your coach. He's had good, he's had bad. AND the game is only as good as the officials and umpires are.... and we've had our doozies of those too.

The crappy thing is that the rules have changed to where you, as a parent and spectator are NOT ALLOWED TO SAY ONE WORD against ANYONE at ANY time or you WILL be kicked out of the game/area/bleachers/park.

You can't even say "WHAT!?" if they make a bad call.

It's run amuck! You have ZERO recourse to question the calls in any way, shape or form without being barred from attending any games of your childs. THAT is what kills me.

When that last umpire was literally and blatently THROWING THE GAME the parents had to bite their tongues. One parent said "Are we watching the same game?" out loud and the umpire came and SCREAMED at him through the fence that if he questioned ONE MORE THING he would be booted from the park.

And I felt TERRIBLE FOR THE BOYS!!!!

They didn't even want to play. When they would get the other player "OUT" when they were literally 5 feet from the base and STILL have the umpire call them SAFE - the boys knew it was worthless to try. They were sickened.

(After a horrible season, bad coach, terrible team, lousy umpries... no wonder my son never wants to play baseball again).

PS: Most moms don't "SHOW" their daughters how to use a tampon. The moms don't want to do that and the girls DONT WANT TO SEE THEM DO IT nor 'have' their Moms literally do it.

They want the information - but the pamphlet that comes with the tampons really really does a great job of explaining. That truly is all most girls want.

That sucks about the basketball games.

My mom never told me about anything (sex, bodily functions, any of that). I was at my grandmother's when I started, and she was just like "oh, well, you got your period!" And she called my aunt who went to the store or something and a little while later I had some pads. haha Later, I decided to try the tampons, I got a free sample of them out of a magazine or something and followed the directions in the pack.
As for sex, well, when I went to the prom my junior year, my mother gave me some of the dreaded pamphlets about HIV/AIDS and other STDs and said "stay out as long as you want!" haha (After typing that, I can see my mother is insane. She basically gave me instructions about having sex, then let me stay out all night.) Anyway, I fully intend on getting my daughter subscriptions to all kinds of teen magazines and hopefully she'll figure stuff out as she goes because I just don't see myself having any "talks" about any "stuff." Oh and these days they have the internet too.

I am so sorry about your son's game! I can TOTALLY understand your frustration. I would be using words like "heartbroken," too!

And your friend... ugh. I can't stand people who are THAT open. (And I'm pretty open like you!) I used to have a childhood friend whose mom would continually walk around in her bra and panties when I was over. (My family, OTOH, was obsessively modest.) And she'd leave her pads and tampons out in the open which embarrassed me to no end! When I became an adult, my mom said she used to squirm when Trudy would come down the street, plop down at our kitchen table, and go into great detail about sex and blow jobs. Some people just don't know where to draw the line. *blech*

^^^That wasn't worded very well.

I meant to say, when I became an adult, my mom confessed that she used to squirm when Trudy would visit (when I was still a child), because she'd go into such graphic detail about her & her husband's sex life, his preference for blow jobs, etc.

Better?

Probably not. I think ~I~ just got too graphic.

lolololol

First off, your boys (all 3 of them) are winners in my book. Sounds like they played their butts off and your husband and friend poured their hearts into coaching them. It's just a shame they were robbed. They are lucky to have parents who are so supportive.

As far as your friend goes, why would she even mention something like that? Your precious daughter is toddler and I think it's safe to assume that most mothers wouldn't give their daughter a tampon anyway. My best friend had a total hysterectomy a year ago and it has affected her personality. I have 2 boys and 1 girl like you do. My little girl, who is 12 now, is also the youngest. I was dreading having the whole period talk with her. When the day came, we had an honest and brief discussion. It wasn't that bad. You're a great mother and when that day comes (many, many years from now) you'll do just fine.

I love reading your blog Y - it makes me smile and appreciate being human -- with quirks, flaws, beauty... all over again.

My mom didn't show me -- she gave me a talk and then a couple years later when my school went over it she asked me if she had done a good enough job explaining things. I told her she had.

I think its normal to wonder how to tell your daughter. But you'll do fine. Just be yourself -- and it sounds like you are building honest relationships with your children where they feel comofortable talking to you about things - so be at ease - and they will be -- and it will be fine :) Kids always have friends, books, school to fill in any of the gaps too.

Because your boys did have a good year, it is something they can carry with them and be proud of. The dissappointment will wear off, but the good memories will stay. And hopefully, when they remember, it will propel them to more and greater things. Yes, it is just a game. But that doesn't mean they don't want to win. Competition is a good thing.

Sorry about the loss.
As for the Tampon issue - What the hell??!! I would have puked if my mom showed me that!!

OMG, that truly sucks, and I totally understand where you are coming from. We had a magical baseball team last year, Husband was so happy, and we made it to the playoffs for the upper division. We played our archrivals, who NO ONE had ever beaten. We lost by 1 run, because the umpire was calling strikes on one of our kids when he wasn't even at the plate ready to bat yet. Apparently that is allowed, if the kid takes too long to get up there, this kid was trying to fix his bent glasses by the way, but "most umpires don't call it, unless they are dicks" is what a friend told us who is an ump also. I am so sorry, it sucks that stupid officiating can take the prize away from deserving kids, and not worry about how the kids who really deserve to win are going to feel.

Not boring at all. I'm ready to kick some ref ass for you. That really sucks. I hope saintseester is right. Gah! The nerve! (OK, I'm not over it yet, either, and I've never met you or your kids!)

As for the period thing...my mom ordered a starter kit from Kotex for me when I was 10. It happened to arrive on a day when I was home sick from school. She opened one of the booklets to the diagram of the female reproductive system, pointed to the drawing of the uterus, and said, "this is where the babies come from." That was it. Which, based on conversations with my younger sisters, is more than they got. When those permission slips for the sex ed lectures came home from school, my mom couldn't sign fast enough! Let someone else handle that!

It's one thing if your kids lose a championship game because they just plain got beat and it's sad and disappointing, but that's life. It is QUITE ANOTHER when the game is taken from them by crappy calls and stupid refs! Yes, it is infuriating ... thankfully, we've only had it happen once and it wasn't a championship game. But I still managed to get totally bent about it. Congrats to your boys for making it that far .... they can still hold their heads high, and their memories with their dad as coach will hold eternal!

Sorry to hear about the games!

And about showing how the tampons work? Oh God. I will never forget the first time my mom was explaining to me how to use them. We had this little trailer at a campground with a swimming pool and I was on my period and desperately wanted to swim but was scared of using a tampon. So, my mom takes me into the trailer, which is just one room and then the bathroom, but the bathroom was dinky so we were in the main room. She is saying "put your leg on the toilet seat and then just..." and she is demonstrating by putting her leg up on the couch and holding the wrapped tampon at crotch level like she was going to put it in and in walks my dad. MY DAD! My mom thought it was kinda funny but my dad and I couldn't look at each other for the rest of the trip. Gah.

Moral of the story? When you are helping your daughter out, make sure her Daddy is far, far away.

OMG! In that pic? Gabby totally has Pighunter's lips! Awwww!

I am not one to talk about "the talk" and "periods" and other things that will NEVER OCCUR TO ANY DAUGHTER I EVER HAVE BECAUSE SHE WILL BE SEXLESS AND 3 FOREVER, OH MY GOD. At any rate, I hid my period from my mom for over 6 months because I was sneaky. Then she had to start going through damned menopause and screw that up for me because I couldn't gank her pads anymore.

hell, we were taught about the period in health class before my mom could even get that far... which was an extreme relief to her, lol. and no one showed me how to use a tampon. the directions in the box are stupid-proof, sheesh. dont worry Y, it'll be just fine.

sorry about your sons' games. look at it this way, at least they got to play on teams that were good enough to get close to the win. playing on a continual losing team is awful for the kids. at least they had a good season. :)

I'd like to say that there's still a lesson in the losing...but damn, that just sucks. Especially when you could PROVE the other kid sat out. Stupid.

On the tampon thing. Ok, so my daughter is 13 now. We have had this talk. It did NOT involve me SHOWING her how to do anything. We talked about what they were, and all that, but unfortunately, the first time she ever actually needed to use one? I was getting married a thousand miles away, and she wanted to go swimming - so it was "sink or swim" literally. She figured it out. No big deal. But yes, I did want to DIE talking her through the process on the phone that day. UGH.

Now my husband, on the other hand, had the whole tampon discussion with his seven-year-old daughter before I met him (because she asked). He used a barbie to "demonstrate". Which, you know, for a guy? That's a pretty smart way of handling it.

My mom never spoke to me about any of that stuff... the box of tampons was always visible in the bathroom cabinet, and I had been sneaking peaks at the instructions long before I first got my period, even though I didn't want to use them for ages! (Still don't like them.)

I learned about females' workings from the medical dictionary we had. I felt like periods and things were so taboo (they had NEVER been mentioned in my household of all women(me, mom, grandma)) I was too afraid to give my mom the permission slip for the video in school! Then I was so nervous about going to school w/o the slip that I faked sick that day. Great times, great times.... *rolls eyes*

I did manage to tell her when I started, albeit about a day later, and she was rather irked about having to go get me supplies at 9:45 at night.

Even if it was botched, though, there's still hope. My mom and I are somehow comfortable now with talking about those kind of girly things.

Y, I was the crappiest baseball player ever. Ever. I was scared of the ball when it came towards me, i closed my eyes when i was at bat, and i would rather pick flowers in the outfield then watch for the ball. That being said, one day, at a normal game, on a normal day, i accidentally hit a triple. it would of been a homerun, but i run like a girl. To this day, i don't remember any of the games i played, or who i played with or anything. But, if i get drunk enough, i will probably tell you about that triple!!! My point is, it sucks now, but it won't be the important thing to them when they get older, they did a great job, pighunter did a great job, and that is what is important, not people with poor sportsmanship problems.And that is what they will remember, that their dad coached them to the best team of their life.

Boners = "and then your penis gets hard like a stick."

So sorry about the game. It's hard to teach kids that bad calls are part of it, esp when they're so obviously WRONG.

Life. Hard.

Man, that SUCKS about the game. I think we all want our kids to win and to experience that joy.

On another note... if I happen to ever, say... share a room with you at a hotel... can we stay up late and talk about VAGINAS?!!! Ha ha ha ha. (Kidding!!)

Sorry about the game.

I don't know what the lipstick obsession had to do with tampons, but your friend seems to have a bit of an obsession from what you were saying, so maybe the shape of the lipstick made her think of it?

I think things were just different when we were young. When I got my first period I thought I was bleeding to death because my mom and I never had the talk. When my daughter is old enough she and I will have the talk - I'm scared to death of it, but I don't want her feeling the way I did.

So nobody got the "fist as a model for vagina" talk?

I was on vacation away from my parents when the whole thing happened (though I knew where they went).
My aunt showed me how they worked by deploying a tampon into her clenched fist.

Maybe your friend was all "she's so into lipstick all the time that you're going to have to confiscate the tampons otherwise she'll get sick".

My mom didn't show me. I went out and secretly bought a box and used the instructions. So don't worry about that.

And? Because you had a bad experience with your mom and "the talk" you'll probably do a MUCH better job.

Just the word MOIST gives me the butt tingles.
(wait was that too much info?) sorry

erksh- "fist as a model for vagina"-talk? hee. Nope.

yeah, I had no help with that tampon issue. If you want to learn it badly enough (like say on a 95 degree day and you want to go swimming), a girl will figure it out. Even if she has to pep talk herself into it by saying to herself "you are not leaving this bathroom until you do this." (not that that happened to me...at age 18.5 ...I'm just sayin, like, *theoretically*).

we all know the platitudes, but a loss via the proverbial buzzer beater/one point whatever sucks HARD and is dissapointment, which is why when it goes the other way, the team is walking on air. There's a bit of emtion wrapped up in that one point. Dude, I'd be bummed for them.

Oh, while I'm at it, they make a mistake, you show proof to back it up, and "it's on you, not us?"

Dude, RAGE.

Oh, while I'm at it, they make a mistake, you show proof to back it up, and "it's on you, not us"?

Dude, RAGE.

Listen, I love the stories about your kids and basketball and tampons too. I have 2 boys and my relationship with my mom was shitty and my husbands relationship with men was shitty. I figure my boys will learn their information from me and the kids at school. HOw scarry is that.

You know, officials make mistakes and that's one of the things that is annoying but mature adults (including you) learn to live with and boil about at home (like you) but score keeping mistakes that can be corrected, no there is no reason for that. I am a coach and coached high school girls for a few years and I used to come home boiling about officials and stuff. I would do my best not to act crazy in front of my kids but I hated the officials that were bad. I even called a radio station one time about a professional baseball officiating call that was bad....

I won't talk about vagina's but I'm a lover of you and your outlook and attitudes. There is absolutely no reason you shouldn't want your boys to win. You are their mother damn it. YOu can want that! That's not hurting anyone!

A couple things. Love your blog. Very funny.

Hang out with friends you like and enjoy their company. The friend that swung from lipstick to "ha ha ha & tampons" sounds a little scary.

Lastly, I figured out how to use tampons all on my own. No help required. The box came with instructions. If you are comfortable talking about it with your daughter great. If not, don't force to topic... you could just buy her some tampons down the road or ask her if she wants some. You don't have to discuss them if you don't want to. I have a friend who didn't have a clue how to discuss any of this with her daughter. She bought her daughter every product on the market & presented it all to her in a big bag, like a present. It worked well for them.

You've got several years to think about it.

I'm with you, I think that friend sounds odd...

Best wishes, and again, nice blog ;o)

um, please don't SHOW her how to use them. tell her, maybe. but i mean, there are instructions on the box. that's how i figured out how to use them.... i figured that's how most people do.

At least you're even willing to GO here with your daughter. My mom was so embarrassed by this whole area of Anything That Goes On In A Woman's Body that I've pretty much had to figure out everything myself as I went along. I'm 34, and I'm STILL learning stuff I wish I'd known when I was growing up :P

Yeah, I'm with pretty much everyone else...my mom never, ever, ever would have even considered showing me how to use a tampon, and if she had, I would have barfed at the thought of it. I learned the gist of it from sex ed class and the instruction pamphlet. And I agree that because your mom never really had THE TALK with you, you'll rock at it with G. :)

So, um, I use all natural menstrual products, and when it is time to talk to your daughter, you might want to encourage her down this route. I love this stuff and it has meant that I paid 200 at one time to buy supplies and have NEVER bought anything again in a year. check out: www.gladrags.com

It's amazing and really really healthy and they are easy to use. Oh yeah, and i learned about having a period from books and from my mom and having that conversation with her helped it be a "normal" thing to have.

Ronia

Merrit~if you have a decent baseball league, you should be able to call the head of umpires and complain about particular umps...we have rules against arguing too, but we are allowed to express our opinion without being screamed at, as long as we're not arguing. We called the league and also the head of umpires when one of them called our catcher stupid, and he had to apologize to the whole team, and all of our parents too. He.

Aw, I really feel for your boys. I'm still bitter about being cut from the CSUN softball team, even though I outhit everyone in tryouts. The team was set before tryouts even happened, so I wasted my time. That happened more than 20 years ago and I'm still angry. The boys won't forget, but they'll have good experiences later and move on. Or, they'll be bitter...but still look back with mostly good memories. :)

My mom told me about tampons one day on the way to a softball game. She gave me a box probably a couple weeks after that, and when I was practicing using them, I actually ended up getting my period. Weird, but lucky coincidence. I've used nothing but o.b. since I started, when I was 11. You'll be totally fine with Gabby.