There is a lizard on top of the wood piled outside of my bedroom window and he is doing push ups.
Honest to God. Push ups.
I think he may be trying to tell me something. He’s all “You can go ahead and have that taco for lunch, just make sure you do some of these when you’re finished eating it!”
Dudes. I’m not making this up. THE LIZARD IS DOING PUSH UPS.
Up down. Up down. Up down.
Oh Snaps! I know he didn’t just bust out the Planks.
Alright. Now he’s just being an asshole.
“I GET IT, YOU’VE GOT UPPER BODY STRENGTH! Now go eat a fly or something, you little prick.”
So, apparently, it’s not just me. I was sure that it was.
I wrote that post just after I had finished having the following conversation with myself just before breakfast.
“You should have eggs, because you need protein.”
“But I really want some cereal.”
“But you don’t have any non fat milk! You can’t have regular milk with your cereal!”
“But I don’t feel like cooking eggs. I just want something simple. Maybe I’ll have a couple of pancakes.”
“Pancakes? Really? That’s not a good way to start off your day. You said you were going to “do better” today.”
“I’ll use the sugar free syrup, even though I hate it because it tastes like stale ass.”
“But then what will you have for lunch? Because that’s a shitty breakfast and well, you’ll need to make it up at lunch. So, what are you going to do for lunch? A salad? Some fruit? WHAT?”
And I couldn’t take it anymore and walked out of the kitchen without ever eating breakfast because DAMN, why does every meal have to be such a battle?
I sat down and started writing because I must be crazy, no one else could possibly have such struggles with food. I MUST BE THE ONLY ONE.
I almost didn’t hit “publish” because, man, how embarrassing. I am obsessed with thoughts of food.
I had no idea that so many people struggle with the same thing. As I read through the comments-- and yes, I read every single comment that’s posted here—I felt relieved and also sad that so many people can relate to what I wrote.
I cried as I was reading though the comments because it just sucks.
I laughed too, because, well, some of you are really funny and I’m glad that as much as it sucks to feel this way about food, we still have a sense of humor and aren’t afraid to laugh at ourselves.
Thanks to each and everyone one of you who took the time to tell me that you know how I feel, to tell me a little bit about your struggle with food. I know it’s not easy talking about it and so it means a great deal to me that you were willing to share your experience with me.
You people blow me away sometimes. I’m so glad I “know” you.
It's funny to me, that on a post entitled, "I Probably Should've Kept This One in the Drafts Folder", that it got 103 comments.
I just ate 6 Reese'S eggs. DANGIT!