It's not just me then??? 'Cause my hubby was the only one besides the nurse who saw me poop whilst I was pushing and I am FOREVER horrified by it. Because, kid you not, my sweet hubby looked at me with this horrified face and was all "ummm honey you just shat I think" The nurse almost punched him for me. She tried to make me feel better by saying it meant I was pushing properly, but seven years later I still blush about it. I don't shat in public.

Oh God - love the part about wanting to kick her in the face. My husband, so well-intentioned, would hold my hand and just kind of look at me with this panic-stricken look. When my first was born, and I had an episiotomy, I was so scared that I would lose it if I heard them cutting my skin, so I asked him to sing, talk, whatever to block out that sound. He couldn't do it! He just kind of stammered and finally said, "What would you like me to sing?" This, while in the throes of laboring....good times.

Dang. I remember that one time that I took a little poo on her table and she didn't offer to rub my feet. In fact, she got quite rude. Harumph!!

I can totally relate to this. I, too, was all about the "Oh, I don't want to hurt their feelings" thing in the delivery room, trying to play the perfect 'hostess' and it took me almost a year to realize WTF? Why on earth did I care about anyone else's feelings? *I* was the one pushing the baby out of my vagina. For the next one I'm determined to be a big ol' biatch and if they don't like it they can kiss my episiotomy stitches! :)

You are clearly more of a lady than me. After about 10 hours of labour I just did not care who saw me naked or who I pooped on. One nurse kindly let me know I didn't poop nearly as much as my son did as soon as he hit air though.

Sometimes, when I write a post, I can't WAIT to read the comments that people leave because I know they're going to be SO Awesome and funny.

This is one of those posts.

And Jordan? By the time my 3rd child was making it's way out of the Vaginal Canal, I was all about telling people how I really felt. Like, when my dad came in to pray for me and wanted to put his hand on my forehead, I shouted DO! NOT! TOUCH! ME! OMG!

Hah. See, this is why NO ONE - maybe not even the baby daddy - should be allowed in the delivery room 'til AFTER. Then you'd probably have never known you shat a lil' bit.

Wow you are way nicer than me!!!
I basically told my friend who was with me that she needed to get everyone the HELL OUTTA HER NOW. Afterall they were in the same room (curtain drawn so nothing was seen) but HELLO you can hear everything. And I was sick of hearing them talk and laugh as if I wasn't IN THE WORST PAIN OF MY LIFE over here AND HELL no did I need them hearing me scream in pain! It was my Dad and my parents preacher - I'm sure my Mom loved that I said get them hell outta here. lol

And yes I did scream - ZERO drugs - hell ya you're gonna scream in pain!!!!

You crack me up all of the time. I didn't know about the whole pooping thing until after my first child. He was born by c-section so I was saved from that.

I don't think that it would bother me too much because I'm just weird like that. I could probably poop in front of other people now if I had too.

Do you have problems pooping in public toliets?

I was totally fearing the birthing poop, but when I got to the hospital I was informed that there was a study going on in which they were trying to determine if having an enema sped up the labor process. I was so ecstatic when I was informed that I had been selected to participate! So the nurse comes in and shoves the tube thing up my ass - then she tells me to expect to be on the toilet for 45 minutes to an hour! I was like 'Holy hell, you've got to be kidding me!' She wasn't kidding me. But eleven hours later, I managed to deliver my child without shittin' on anybody.

Yup, it happens to everyone. But still slightly horrifying.

At least you didn't puke on her. I did that to my mother-in-law during my first labor & delivery. She still talks to me. Probably because I'm the mom of her precious grandkids. heh

My sister pooped during one of her births, I have a vague recollection of doing so on my second, but the thought alone is horrifying..you're hilarious!

Hee. This is the ONLY thing that has made me laugh today and I've been searching online and blog-jumping to find something to take my mind off of my screwed finances..and also reading about your housing-woes was helpful because while I'm not going through that I'm in that OMG WHAT AM I GOING TO DO mode and so it was helpful to not feel alone. So thank you, your pooping story has saved the day. :)

Hahahah!!! I so relate! My mil had asked when I was about 6mos along if she could come into the room becuase even after 7 of her own kids and 3 grandbabies she had never seen a baby being born. well, I said no becuase partly I just knew I would be a table pooper. well when I went into labor they were short on nurses and the one nurse (who was an intern) thought she was my mom and asked her to stay and help. my husband yelling at me like I am a football player and he is a couch "HEEHEEHAAAHAAHEEEHEEE!", while his mom is saying to the nurse as the baby is crowning "aaaah! look he has red hair" while I am going- "STOP looking at my hooohaw!" all the while why I was pooping. after my son was born and everyone else and their dog came in the room she was no where to be found, I told them she was out washing her brain. ( you know, to get rid of the images of seeing another human being pooping.) uck! I get the heebies just thinking about it. I too have those daized thoughts while she is talking to me about something..."this woman has seen me poop and hasnt ever told a soul!, wow she must really love me!" I found out later she disappeared to go ball her eyes out becuase she was so happy about seeing her favorite grandson being born. I think he will always be her favorite just becuase of that and now I would never change that for the world.

She totally did the Birth Poop. THAT's why she hasn't said anything to you.

My little sister was in the room. She more horrified at the size of my hemorroids. (As far as I know, it's been 10 years)

I didn't know why the midwife kept touching my butt and when I nicely asked her to stop (As in "Get the f**k off my ass!") she very nicely said "You don't want ka-ka on your baby do you?" I was temporararily so startled that I couldn't concentrate on pushing because a grown woman had seriously used the word ka-ka to another grown woman.

She hasn't used it against you because she pooped while pushing too! She was probably so relieved that she wasn't the only one. I did it during my homebirth with my third baby. My only regret was that I had eaten so much spaghetti just before going into labor and that's exactly what that shit stank like. Really bad, old spaghetti.

Oh God no. Why would you bring up such a thing? I can't think about this without blushing and hiding in a corner. Before I gave birth the first time I told everyone who would listen that NO WAY WILL I POOP WHILE PUSHING! HOW GROSS IS THAT! Not to mention, my husband? He doesn't know I poop. I just tell him that girls don't poop and he agrees and tra la la. So, I dunno if I pooped. I can't ask him because that would be admitting that it is possible for me to poop. I could ask my mom or my MIL but that would just be weird.

I didn't do the birth shit only because I hadn't eaten in two days and had nothing to shit out.

I did tell my mother and sister to get the f*ck out of the room. My mom then said, "I changed your diapers."
I then said, "Old woman if you want to change your grandbabies diaper, you'll GET OUT NOW!"

She went as far as the door.

I once had diarrhea in a hospital elevator, then passed out and slid down into it. Woke up, stood up, put my coat on (to cover my shit covered self), had diarrhea again, passed out again and slid down into it again.

Birth poop is really common Y!

Okay, I'm sorry, but Kathy wins for hands down embarrassing...and stinky.

OMG! My mum came with me when I went into labour with my last baby, equipped with HER oil, she managed to get near me once and like you it made me feel like I was about ready to kick and scream and run for the hills, thankfully I was able to whisper that maybe I really just wanted the husband with me after all because I don't mind telling him to get the hell away from me and if he touches me again he will die.
Pooping? On number 4 I did more than poo, I got the runs, except when you are pushing? It is the SQUIRTS 100 miles an hour, meaning the midwife had to pour BUCKETS of soapy water in between my legs,in between pushes, imagine being that doctor...having to have his face right there but having to hope that the big plastic mask thingy was REALLY going to stop those bodily fluids! The shame.

i had some gratuitous pushes before my c-section and after every one, i made brian check to see if i had pooped. evidently, i was preoccupied with birthing a crap instead of a baby. so the c-section was welcome.

my cousin staci? shot a stream of pee across the room. i would have paid cash money to see that.

kk

p.s. i adore the word "shat".
p.p.s. kathy - OMG, how did you not *literally* die? i don't mean from your ailment, either. i think i would have just lain right there, in my own feces, and died of embarrassment. you're a trooper.

I have 4 kids and the first two I didn't poop on the table b/c my OB insisted on doing everything by the book. The book was written about 30+ years ago though so her methods were way out of date. My first was born in 1995. I was given an enema, the nurses shaved my girlie parts (that was super fun!) and then I was given a huge episiotomy and then the Dr. used one of those suction cups on my sons head to pull him out of me. I didn't poop on the table then b/c of the enema. Baby #2- 1997, same OB. Same deal. Enema before and no poop during pushing. 3rd baby- different OB. None of those degrading things I went through before BUT I did poop and it shocked me. I was pushing and then when I stopped to take a breather the nurses started wiping my bottom and it startled me until I got a whiff of WHY they were doing that. I was mortified!!!! I was so embarrassed and unprepared for that to happen. I apologized and the nurses were all 'Don't worry about it, it's very common, we see it all the time.' but I was still very embarrassed. The the baby was in distress very soon after that so it was quickly forgotten. Baby #4- yet another OB and while my youngest is just 3 1/2, I can't remember if I pooped or not. With her, my epidural had worn off at the end and I was in such horrible pain, I don't remember a whole lot. So if I did, I can't remember. For that, I am thankful. LOL

So don't feel too bad. You are not the only one to poop while giving birth, it's very common. But horrifying nonetheless!!

I'm sure I pooped during my 2 hours of non-beneficial pushing with my first which ended in a c/s and a plain ol' c/s with the second left no time to poop. However, no one ever actually TOLD me I pooped, I just guessed that's what happened when she started replacing a pan under my bum on the tray below me...had to be what happened though no one will confirm it.

LOL well my mom didn't see my poo on the table, since I had csections, but she once grabbed my boob accidentally reaching out to touch my due the next day tummy. I mean I know they were big and all, but not THAT big!

That's it... I'm adopting.

NOW you're going to get some hits from bizarro google searches, you know that don't you?

The pooping? I think almost everyone does it. But only Oprah talked about her BFF doing it on national TV.

My husband tells me I didn't...but I always think he's lying. I can't push him into telling me because I'd rather not know. Because I'd die of embarrassment.

Oh thank the good loving Lord for adoption. *crosses self*

Tears in my eyes. I'm sorry, but now I really understand why I had that enema... Grateful.

Oh my god. I'm dying. I thought having my husband hold my leg when they put in the cathedar was bad.

"Hellz naw"

HAHAHA. Oh, holyhell, I almost wet myself.

everybody poops.

I have not laughed that hard in quite awhile. While having my son I thought I pooped too, but when I asked my husband he said no. I decided not to pursue the question any further. I am blissfull in my ignorance.

Longtime lurker who had to come out for this one! For TWO YEARS after my first son was born I bragged to everyone I knew that I had not pooed on the table while giving birth. I turned around one day in the middle of my poo-less birth story to see my husband smiling and shaking his head that "yes, she did poo on the table." TWO YEARS?? You would think he could have told me the truth earlier! With my 3rd child I told the Dr FOUR times
I had to go to the bathroom before I started pushing. Each time he reassured me I was feeling the pressure to push and I did not need to use the bathroom. With his insistance I gave a big ol' first push and sprayed him, the wall behind him and the tv on the wall down with urine. As soon as I was done the only thing he could mutter was, "you did have to pee. " NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

or...she too made the poopie while delivering her son. hmmm?

I am so thankful I did not poop while giving birth.
Especially because it was a waterbirth and poop in the pool is just....EWWWW!

Best mother in law story evah. You crack me up girl. I did the poopie too, but I'm trying to forget it ever happened. How fun must it be for the nurse to have to clean it up. The highlight of her job, I'm sure.

My Mum always told me that giving birth is just like doing a big poo. So I totally expect it. But the whole enema thing? It sounds genius.

Y--3.5 weeks to go until I give birth to #4 and you have to remind me about the poop. That is the main reason I tell my husband he must keep his eyes focused above my pelvis at all times during the whole birth thing.

Except he can't look at my face because I don't want him to remember me making these God awful faces like someone straining on the toilet...because then that would remind him of the birth poop and his eyes may wander down a bit out of curiousity. Then the next time we do the deed he will remember strenuous faces and poop and I can't imagine that it makes me look sexy.

xo

Oh yeah. My wife was two for three in the delivery of babies AND poop department. But I never said a word to her until about a year ago (our oldest is now 16) when she asked if she did, and I can't lie. Just like blessed-with-three ... hey you aren't my wife, are you?

You've had screaming matches with your MIL? I am too scared to yell at mine...only 7months in though. All in good tme.

Oh man, I can't imagine having MY OWN mother in the room, let alone my MIL! No Freaking thanks!

I had the same thought as many others - maybe she's a birth-table pooper too. You never know!

I'm with Ms. Kathy: as far as my husband knows? I don't poop. Oh, and also, my farts smell like flowers.

BUT!! OH MY GOD BUT!! A few weeks after giving birth to our second child (epidural, one push, he came flying out), I was joking about how I'd made pork BBQ, baked beans and corn on the cob for dinner, the night before my scheduled induction. You know, funny jokes, about being numb from the waist down and no longer in control of your lower parts and all kinds of funny stuff about beans and corn and gas and spicy pork fat and fiber and, hahaa, didn't I read the Book About Pregnancy where it says that you might "move your bowels" on the delivery table, hahaaa, they're talking about poop, honey!! But Honey wasn't laughing, nooo, his face had gone white and sweaty, he looked nauseated. My blood ran cold! No! It couldn't be!! DID YOU SEE POOP COME OUT OF MY BUTT???? He wouldn't speak, wouldn't tell me. I still don't know if I just grossed him out too much with my doody jokes, or if he actually saw me poop and is too embarrassed to tell me. Mortifying!

On the other hand... I can't think of anyone that I'd rather simultaneously poop on and kick in the face than my mother in law. So thanks for sharing that.

OMG, I about died reading that. My SIL and I joke all the time about pooping on the birthing table, since we both did it when we delivered.

I would so have kicked my MIL for doing that. I only wanted my husband to touch me.

I am laughing so hard I am crying.. from your post AND the comments.

I didn't poop when giving birth (or I missed it), but I did shoot the placenta out onto the nurse's stomach as she stood between my legs. All that red on her white scrubs.. nice effect.

Hilarious, that's all I need to say.

delurking. I LOVE your site. LOVE IT! I wish you good luck with the house hunt and everything.

When I was in labor, the doctor encouraged the mirror so I could push better. I hated it but was fascinated at the same time. Anyhoo, I knew I had to poop before I started pushing but they said i couldn't walk, having had the epidural. So, I did poop. We didn't say anything at the time, but my husband has teased me a little from time to time.

My MIL was in the room, but out of view. I thought for sure I didnt want her there (she is very annoying of course, but she took good pics we would have never had ( the nurse handing me the baby, my husband with tears in his eyes)

But this hospital is famous as a baby factory and a training facility, so between pushes, they brought this girl in who was training as a nurse. Here I am with my Tootie hanging out for all the world to see. She says, Hi, I'm Frances, and I said, Hi, this is my vagina! I could not believe it. In between contractions. Maybe they wanted to bring in the janitor to observe too? That got me more than the pooping thing!

You are by far the most honest person on Earth.

Oh my gosh, this is so funny. How many other moms who went through this are smiling and going...oh yeah?I'm one of them!

I'm weeping from the laughter. Literally.

Shitting on the table while giving birth: $500
Not having your mother-in-law holding it over your head: priceless

Hilarious!

IF I ever have kids I will be fasting the day before and going the enema route as well. All of you have such vivid memories of pooing on the table...I can't say I want to have one of my own! Eew! :p