well i just moved. ok last weekend. things went ok except the movers broke my bed. nice huh? tomorrow i find out if i'm eliminated from the biggest loser (info on my blog ...not that you have time to read it) and i hope not. my mom is coming to my place saturday so i have to clean tomorrow night. other than that i'm good. how you doin?...wait..you already said *L*

But on the bright side? You are a valued customer and highly loved and respected by the broadband nazis. So get some perspective, Y. Gah!

I am wondering if they have a recorder on those voice-activated systems, and the real people just sit around all day listening in and laughing at people trying to get through the system. My favorite one is the BANK's voice-activated system. Why yes, I'd LOVE to say my account number and PIN out loud in a public place - great idea!! They did eventually change it so you could do voice OR enter numbers, thank goodness.

Actually, I figured out that if you say bad words into some of them, you get connected to an operator.

So, um, HEH.

I used to do PR for the company that makes those voice recognition systems (97% of them or so) and on behalf of my former employer, I'm sorry.

Katie, actually, they do record them on occasion, and I still have several on my iPod from the days when I had access to those sorts of things. Most of the amusing ones are people who think that the Computer Dude is a real person (and there are a surprising lot of them), who ask things like, "WHAT IS YOUR NAME, SIR? ARE YOU HARD OF HEARING? I SAID ONE."

Also, Y, that Computer Dude's name, if I had to guess, was Tom. Tom is the most popular male voice, and can commonly be heard at CVS and Bank of America.

Please don't get me started on this. For as annoying as it is for a lot of people, I love speec rec systems, because the way they're built is so farking complex, and honestly, the coolest, most creative people are behind the architecture. And the voices! OMG, the voices. I've never met Tom, but I've always wanted to. I did meet Dusty, however, who voices Qwest. And Julie! Amtrak's Julie. Love Julie.

Verizon's automated directory assistance is Darcy, while the rest of them are voice by Erica.

And finally, a tip to everyone who's ever been frustrated by voice systems: when you just want to skip the whole thing and get a live agent, just say - very loudly - "LIVE AGENT" or "REPRESENTATIVE." Most systems - the ones with customers who understand how speech should and should not be used, that is - build that into their architecture. So next time, scream "LIVE AGENT" and they'll get you out of there. I promise.

BusyMom: You're right. Most of them build bad words in as "trigger words" so that customers aren't frustrated. Which, um, TOO LATE, but give them credit for trying.

I mean the rest of Verizon's apps are Erica, I think. Not all DAs, that is. Not that anyone gives a shit, but for christ's sake I did this for so long I cannot NOT correct myself.

Here is the proper response to voice recognition - not "Live Agent" THAT would be silly. Instead, say "grarg."

I'm sorry, I did not understand you.
Grargupr
I'm sorry, I did not understand you.
Bracplmr
I'm sorry, I did not understand you.
Nrarf
I will transfer you to a live agent.

Oh THANKYOU for asking because every bugger else is telling me to stop whining already......we still have no house to move to either ( we are twins but we can't move in with parents ) and yesterday the car failed it's must pass to be on the road test, £600 to fix it, that's $1200...... so we can't even move into the car when we have to leave the house. My husband says things like " oh, I'm NOT thinking about it" when I am stupid enough to ask him what he is thinking. My kids somehow still want me to cook dinner and bath them and stuff and get this, this is the best bit. I am teetotal. I might change that last one, does wine work? A lot?

I'm sending positive vibes your way so you find an even better place to live, etc.

I'm EXHAUSTED. By the end of the day today I will have worked 70 hours this week and I've worked 11 consecutive day.

Quick hint for everyone in the same boat as Y regarding the retards who invented voice recognition:

"Please say one if..." (cut 'em right off and say OPERATOR)........

"I will transfer you to a living, breathing, albeit just-as-retarded-as-I-am agent to help you."

Hang in there, Y!! And I do hope you will use "The Fingah frequently and with great passion." Whateva works, sister!! You are so damn funny.

Yes, thank you God. Because without the grape, I would have less hair.

What good things? When you have time please do share.

Yvonne,
Try screaming F*** You into the phone next time you get one of those automated systems. I did that once and it said, "Please hold for the next customer representative". Now, I use that method quite often!

Don't you love those voice systems? Too bad I learned the hard way that if you sneeze while on the phone with one...you get transferred to the espanol line!

Always remember to hit 0 or say "operator" to get out of that and to a real, live person. Zero. Zero. Zero.

Also? House next door still for sale. With deck! Wood floors! Kitchen with window, which I totally wish we had!

Y,

How you manage to be hands down the funniest person on the planet while going through one of the worst crisis I'll never know!

I wish I were in your neighborhood... I'd come over and help and after the kids got to bed, maybe we could make some Margaritas!

I hope that the rest of the move goes smoothly with no broken glass...

PS... My favorite past form of aggression is throwing phones. I've had to replace several phones and there are still holes in my walls from phone throwing sessions. (**I never threw phones at people! And only once did I throw a book at my husband... okay, maybe twice...) I'm a reformed phone thrower. Haven't thrown one since Dec. 30, 2005! Is there a group for phone throwers?

Y, I'm sorry things are soooo crazy! I'm sure you guys will be relieved once you are out of there.

Amen.

Hang in there. I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when your goggles are covered in shit, but I swear to you, it's there.

I have had a similar automated phone tree experience (wrote about it here: http://newday4me.blogspot.com/2007/03/lost-in-phone-tree.html).

I finally yelled at the AACD, "I WANT TO TALK TO A PERSON!!" And guess what? They actually have that as a programmed option and it connected me to a person.

So, next time you want to scream at the phone, do it. You might actually get what you want. =)

Coming out of lurkdom to say I have a deep hatred for moving and packing. Im supposed to be out of my house by the middle of next week and have yet to even start packing up my kitchen. Could it be because Im sitting here on my computer instead? lol
Just wanted to wish you "smooth moving" vibes.

How is Bossy doing? Push 1 if you think she's swell, Push 2 if you think she's equally annoyed at her husband, Push 3 if she's looking forward to a weekend of painting the underside of her porch ceiling (not).

When you get those voice recognition thingys, just say "customer service" and speak to a live person. it works much better.

Yeah, but sometimes the stupid system doesn't even recognize the words "customer service". The whole voice recognition is the bane of my existence. By the time I get to a live person I'm ready to curse them out.

My hubby and I don't work too well together either. Mainly because I sit around and procrastinate until he gets mad enough to allow me to leave so he could finish up.

Oh Me GAwd. You just have to read my entry about the same thing... sorry it contains other things but you may enjoy and or employ my same tactics next time.
http://thedualexistence.blogspot.com/2007/02/please-say-your-account-number-at-beep.html

Candy

How am I doing? Shitty. I have recently discovered that my family closet has more skeletons than a grave yard and NO ONE cares! Sorry, just venting. Thanks.

One time I was stuck in an airline's automated system when they asked my name for the third time I yelled "JESUS CHRIST"!

And I immediately got an agent.

I hate those voice recognition things! Everytime I get one, it doesn't matter what I way. All the noise my children make in the background overrides anything I have to say! One time, when I couldn't get a live person for love nor money, I ended up shutting the kids in their room (I didn't lock them in, though how I wanted to!) with cheese, crackers, juice, and threats that if they left the room, I would exact my vengeance. Then I went down the hall, shut myself in my own room, and calmly answered the questions. Eventually, I accomplished my goal. Then I read a book. Then I let the kids out!

LOVE YOU!

Once, while calling Sprint, I got stuck in the same cycle. The "assistant's" condescending voice was named "Claire". I did not like Claire. She said, "if you would like to speak with a representative, just say 'representative at any time'".

It kept saying, "Would you like to this? would you like to do that? would you like to poop in a hat? would you like to sing with a cat?" It was like this never-ending song and dance. I kept saying "Representative", escalating my annoyance with every request.

The conversation culminated with me holding the phone away from my face and screaming into it, "REPRESENTATIVE, CLAIRE, YOU DAFT COW!!!" and throwing my phone into the passenger seat.

Not my finest moment, but would it kill them to hire a person? My god.

All issues are magnified by 157x when you're moving. That much has been scientifically proven. Can't wait to hear about the good stuff..

and Bossy cracks me up.

Well, we are moving too and it is HELL! We had to be out of our apt. last Sunday but our house is STILL not finished so we have been basically homeless for a week, and let me tell you, it is so. much. fun. to wander the streets of LA with a 2 year old and a 4 year old for A WEEK, when neither one has had a nap for 10 days, and we've been eating out every single fucking meal for an enternity . . .FUCK! AH. THat felt kind of good. We did finally get internet tonight (see?) although TIMEWARNER (who SUCKS) now claims that they have never had me as a customer and they dont recognize my email address even though I've been paying those assholes for 7 months---ugh.

I totally feel your pain, Y.