Last night I was frantically searching the racks of Old Navy for something, ANYTHING to wear to Chicago, when my phone rang at 8:45pm.
It was my doctor.
Results for the MRI came in and well, not what I wanted to hear.
I have two (TWO!) bulging disks in my neck and some other stuff that I didn’t understand because I was too busy listening to words like “pain for a long time” and “appointment with a neurosurgeon.”
Normally, bulging disks are not a problem, they only become a problem when they “something about entering the spinal canal and pressing on the spinal cord or something like that because OH MY GOD MY DISKS ARE BULGING.”
My doctor said that 90% of these cases work themselves out, if I’m willing to deal with the pain. The horrifying, unbearable pain. But, he wants to send me to see a neurosurgeon for an “opinion.”
I’m a little confused, as in my research I have seen that a bulging disk should NEVER require surgery. So, are they bulging or herniated? I’m sending him a message to have him clarify.
I’ve already made the mistake of researching BULGING DISK (which, I have two! TWO!) Dudes—there are support groups for this and OH MY GOD, people are in pain all of the time and have been in pain for 18 months! And their faces are numb!
I was truly hoping that the MRI would come back normal, because the thought of living with this kind of pain makes me want to fall on the floor and beg God for answers.
“Why me, God? Whhhhhyyyyyyyyy?”
The good news is that the pain, while still intense, IS getting better. There are actually moments where I feel almost normal, but if I sit too long, or if I jump up to scream at a ref at my son’s basketball game, it goes to HELL and I’m all “When can I take my next vicodin again?”
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m pretty sure I know exactly how this happened.
A few weeks back, I decided to take up an offer for a “free trial workout” with a trainer on a new piece of equipment that they recently added to The All Wimmin's Gym. I was all “This is the answer to my problems! This will help me get jump start my body and lose weight!”
I had no idea these were GROUP classes and because I am probably the most competitive person you will ever meet, I went BALLS OUT during the workout. No way in hell was I going to let the other wimmins (who were are older than me, but way more in shape) make me look bad. I was going to pull my entire body up and down with my out of shape arms if it killed me (or made my disks bulge!) A couple days later is when the pain started, but I thought I was just “sore” from the Free Workout, so I kept going to the gym and doing things like “lifting weights.”
(OMG! I was lifting weight with a BULGING DISK! I could have paralyzed ma’self!)
Anyway. I would suggest if you ever get a chance to use one of those machines, don’t be a jackass like me. Go at your own pace and if something does feel right… STOP. Seriously.
I’m waiting for the appointment with the neurosurgeon, but I can already tell you that surgery will only happen if they say I will die without it. Because um, I was afraid to get epidurals, do you really think I will voluntarily put a knife anywhere NEAR my spinal cord? And, besides, I just read a precious piece of information that said risks include “paralysis and death.”
PASS.
In other news, I started my period today.
And I broke out in zits on my shoulders, in my CLEAVAGE, on my neck and also on my face.
Just in time for my trip to Chicago.
But hey, at least I'm not pregnant and my Bulging Disks are really happy about that.







In 24 hours I am going to kiss your bulging disks.