Joy Unexpected | Marvel at the Dullness!

February 26, 2006

The Writer's Block continues, so this is all I've got, people.

This weekend I had to go shopping for a dress.

It's been years since I've worn a dress, and to tell you the truth, I was terrified to go shopping for one.

(Oh, how dramatic I am. "Terrified" to shop for a dress. Give me a break, I know. But, you people have obviously never seen what shopping for a dress can do to what little self esteem I have.)

My friend is getting married this Friday (which, also happens to be my first baby's 13 birthday.) and I wanted to find The Perfect Dress.

I had created this fantasy in my head of find that Perfect Dress and of it looking fabulous on me and of that dress showing JUST the right amount of cleavage and NOT showing just the right amount of ass.

Another dream crushed.

It was a horribly frustrating experience and yes, I cried.

I'm a little too thin (STRESS: LITTLE) for The Plus Sized stores. But, yet, I'm just barely small enough to shop in The Regular Sized stores. That in itself was frustrating.

Then there's the cleavage issue. People? I've got Big Ones. My boobs, while no longer a 42E, are still a whopping 38D and, well, any dress that is low cut makes me look like a tramp. I mean, I'm all about showing off a little cleavage, but, I'm going to a wedding, not a "club" and I don't think it would be too cool to walk in and be all "SAY HELLO TO MY LADY LUMPS!"

Maybe I'm paranoid (and maybe that's because my husband made some comment about how "all of the eyes will be on your boobs and NOT on the bride. Is that what you want?) but as proud as I am of my Big Honkin' Ones, showing that much of them at a wedding just seems... I don't know... trashy? (And yes, despite the fact I like to Rip 'em often, I DO HAVE CLASS.)

After 4 hours of searching for a dress, I decided to go to Robinsons May, since they're liquidating the store and everything was 60% off of the clearance price, and can I just tell you how much easier the experience had been if I had money to blow? Because, for a mere TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS, I could have purchased several beautiful dresses, but, um, I have a hard time spending $14.99 on skirts from Target, so, $200? For ONE dress? That I will only wear ONCE? HELL TO THE NO on that.

Anyway. Back to Robinsons May.

I found a dress there. A black dress, that was a size 14, which, ME? IN A SIZE 14? GET OUT OF HERE! (Because, um, I used to wear a 20/22) But, more importantly, it was only $30. I loved the bottom of the dress, but the top was, well, kind of ugly. But! Did I mention it was only $30? And a size 14? And that, my friends, was really all that mattered, so, to the dressing rooms I went.

The dress fit! A 14 fit! And it wasn't even tight! But... remember how I didn't want to show too much boob? Well, this dress wasn't showing ANY boob whatsoever. I didn't like that, because, well, I want to show a little boob.

However... THIRTY DOLLARS! AND IT FIT!

So, I bought it.

Tony loves it. (Whatever, he's just happy that I'm not showing off My Big Ones.) My sister liked it, but she agreed that the top isn't "her thang." The cut is ugly. Oh, and the little rinestone thing? A LITTLE "Mexico". NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Overall, though, I'm "happy" with it and for the fit and the price? I think I'm going to go ahead and call it. "We HAVE a dress for the Wedding on Friday!"

Oh, what? You want to SEE the dress? (Ha! Ha! I like to pretend like I know what you're thinking and what you want.) Fine! Here's "The Dress."

Full Frontal

View from the back. (OHMIGOD! I'M SHOWING YOU "MY BACK"!!)

The side

I'm actually going to see if my sister in law, who knows how to work a needle and thread, can alter the top to make it a little more flattering and not so... ugly. But, if she can't, I'm still ok with it because IT FITS! AND IT WAS ONLY $30!

In completely unrelated news, I lost another 4 pounds this week, but not in a week, it's been THREE weeks since the last time I weighed in, so, 4 pounds in 3 weeks. THE EXCITING PART THOUGH? I am FINALLY in the 170's. Ok, 179, but still... Not 180!

And not 180 is good enough for me. Because at this point? I'm holding onto every little bit of positivity that comes my way.

Posted by Y at February 26, 2006 10:18 PM

Comments

So cute! So cute! $30! And it fits! That's awesome. And the skirt is adorable, and almost completely makes up for the top.

-H

Posted by: Hed at February 27, 2006 11:17 AM

Almost.

But, is it THAT BAD? Like, will people laugh at me when I'm out on da floor tearing it up?

Because if it's THAT BAD, I'm totally looking for another dress.

Posted by: Y at February 27, 2006 11:18 AM

I think the dress is very appropriate for a wedding....plus, only $30!!!!! Hells yes!

You're going to look fabulous in it come Friday night, dah'ling.

Posted by: Michelle at February 27, 2006 11:20 AM

Where's the FUGLY? I don't see anything ugly at all. I love the layered skirt and the rhinestone is all "look at me and my empire waist!" It looks great!

Posted by: Debbie at February 27, 2006 11:31 AM

I thought the top was going to be horrendous, but it really is not.

Posted by: Tuesday at February 27, 2006 11:32 AM

The top part isn't ugly, it just needs a bit of decoration. Like a necklace over it or something. Or a nice pin.

Posted by: FlippyO at February 27, 2006 11:32 AM

I guess I think "the cut" is ugly. And it's probably because I'm bitter it doesn't show any cleavage. Does that make me a tramp?

I think you're right, Flipp-ay. I just need to dress it up a bit.

Posted by: Y at February 27, 2006 11:33 AM

I don't find any part of the dress ugly at all!! I think it looks great, it's very flattering, and you look positively SVELTE!!! I think you can dance your ass off in that!!

Posted by: Bev at February 27, 2006 11:35 AM

nah, I think it looks great...maybe 86 the rhinestone but overall, fabulous deal and it is very flattering, tear up that dance floor lady, you'll be the hottest one (oops, probably the bride wants that spot?)

Posted by: Jes at February 27, 2006 11:35 AM

Dude, that dress is not bad at all. You and I are basically the same size (boobage and all). Some sexy shoes will make the dress. Size 14? I'll take two please.

Posted by: Dawn at February 27, 2006 11:44 AM

I think it looks nice. I can see why you would want a different top since you have The Big Ones, though! :D But a size 14 $30 dress that fits and looks great! WOO HOO!!!!

Posted by: Itchy at February 27, 2006 11:45 AM

you look great in your little black dress!!

Posted by: mel at February 27, 2006 11:46 AM

The dress looks good, Y. Nohtin' wrong with it at all! AND! $30 - way to bargain shop girl!

Posted by: ishouldbeworking at February 27, 2006 11:47 AM

That dress looks very flattering. I won't hear otherwise.

Posted by: Randi at February 27, 2006 11:48 AM

I think it's cute, and I hate dresses. But I also refuse to show cleavage (which my husband hates), so it's probably something I would have chosen.

Posted by: NinaKaye at February 27, 2006 12:12 PM

I think it's cute! But I feel ya on the whole showing cleavage thing. I'm a DD mahself, and if I can't show these bad girls off then what's the point? hehe.

Posted by: laurie at February 27, 2006 12:19 PM

Shouldn't that be "just the WRONG amount of ass"?

Posted by: MsShad at February 27, 2006 12:45 PM

Oh and I commented before I finished reading the post, so CUTE dress! How would your sister change it?

I'm also 179 and losing. Want to challenge each other?

Posted by: MsShad at February 27, 2006 12:49 PM

Congratulations on loosing and continuing to loose the weight. I like the dress, it's very 1920's. If you want to take attention away from the plainess of the top, I suggest a few strings of beads (maybe jet/ coloured glass) and a loose weaved shawl/shrug to cover your arms and shoulders.

Posted by: lynne at February 27, 2006 1:25 PM

very pretty and woohooo a 14!! I like it. However, if you must insist on boobage...try wearing it backwards......teehee...

Posted by: PoeticaL at February 27, 2006 1:31 PM

Damn girl, sexy as hell! LOVE IT!!! CONGRATS on your amazing weight loss!!!!

PS I take it you decided to not email me after all, I still love you though :)

Posted by: Kelly at February 27, 2006 1:50 PM

Oh Y, That dress is awesome. I with agree with Bev, you look positively svelte... Oh sweet Jesus, I wish I was 179 and 38D. I've got your old measurements. Sz 20/22 and 42DD.

Tell you what, after the wedding, send me the dress for inspiration!!!

Posted by: CanadianBakin' at February 27, 2006 1:54 PM

Cute dress...I am so jealous!
Oh, and you had me laughing when you said, "a little Mexico" AHAHA! We seriously call that mojado style (not your dress). I know so not P.C.

Give me an F'en break! I'm a Mexi...okay!

Posted by: pookie at February 27, 2006 2:09 PM

I love the dress! I even like the top. A necklace will make it even better. Now you just need some shoes.
Congrats on the weight loss so far! Me? I'm still at Christmas. It's pissing me off, and a size 14 will not be on my body this year, I'm pretty sure.

Posted by: Tammy at February 27, 2006 2:47 PM

If you have access to someone who can sew, see if they can give a little bit more of a v-neckline-- not too low, just a little lower. It will look fab-u-lous. I also am very endowed and the v-neckline is your friend, while the higher neckline is perhaps a little more of an acqaintance.

But the dress looks lovely,just as it is. Yay!

Posted by: Jess at February 27, 2006 2:50 PM

looks great !

Posted by: jamie at February 27, 2006 3:02 PM

That is a really pretty dress and it looks fantastic on you! That is a very flattering and appealing cut and you work it well. I like the top- it's tasteful for a wedding. Though a v-neck would probably be more flattering.

Great find! Don't you just love it when you find something that looks good and it's a bargain!?

And the weight loss is looking AWESOME! You are doing a great job, Y!

Posted by: Michelle at February 27, 2006 3:03 PM

You could find a little coat to put over the top, if it freaks you out...but that would cover up your arms! Your pretty arms!

Soo jealous. You look awesome, Y.

Posted by: daysgoby at February 27, 2006 3:27 PM

Oh! Its cute! I was totally expecting some frumpy grandma top, but it isn't at all! Wear your hair up and the low back totally makes up for the high front. Plus, for thirty bucks, you have a dress that you could wear to all sorts of places... add a sheer shrug/shawl type thing to dress it up, snazz it up with some beads, wear strappy sandals or clunky Mary Janes. Its great!

Posted by: Jessi at February 27, 2006 4:20 PM

Ugh, dress shopping. I HATE IT. Your particular shopping trip, however, worked out well. The dress is very cute (and cheap, which of course makes it even CUTER). :)

Posted by: Schnozz at February 27, 2006 4:23 PM

I am new to your site but I am glad to be here... I commend you on the weight loss... you look really good and the dress isn't ugly... if you SIL knows what she is doing, have her alter the neckline just a tad... accentuate the collar bone and just a TEENY hint of boob.

Posted by: Kristin at February 27, 2006 5:05 PM

I think you look quite adorable. Yes, the top is a bit high, but it's totally appropriate for a wedding. No one will laugh at you because of the dress while you're tearing it up on the dance floor, I promise! Rip off the rhinestone pin and, while you're at it, the black ribbon, and take a cue from Dolce & Gabbana's Spring collection and wind a long satin ribbon around and tie in a bow in front. Probably black, unless you're feeling bold. Then add some super-sexy high heels that make your legs look FAB, and you'll be the chicest thing at the ball, dahling!

Posted by: vdoprincess at February 27, 2006 5:12 PM

I think the top is a-ok. It's a wedding, after all, nobody is going to razz you out for being "too modest". I like the contrasting materials. You're looking wonderful, by the way, you've come so far. I hope you'll show us some pictures of you enjoying yourself in your fab dress!

Posted by: caitlin at February 27, 2006 6:34 PM

I like the dress! And you got it for $30? Woot!

Posted by: Chickadee at February 27, 2006 7:41 PM

Hey, I think that dress is just FINE. Got one similar in my own closet. We size 14s have to stick together.

Posted by: Candy at February 27, 2006 8:27 PM

Totally fine. Just accessorize! The right shoes are a must with the little black dress. See, now it has that 'gay stamp of approval'...

(BTW, you do look great!)

Posted by: daniel at February 27, 2006 9:49 PM

OMG! Shoes!

Dang it.

Ok, so, um, all I have are a pair that are pretty much exactly like this, only, a different brand..

http://www.famousfootwear.com/product.asp?product_id=1007840&variant_id=30670

Will those work? Because, haha, I SUCK at picking out shoes and? I really don't want to spend more money, but, if I must, then I must.

Posted by: Y at February 27, 2006 9:54 PM

You look awesome! The dress does not look bad at all. Where it and have a fun time!

Posted by: Christina at February 27, 2006 10:08 PM

I think the shoes are a nice compliment to the dress. You'll look awesome!!

Posted by: SharonO at February 27, 2006 10:40 PM

The dress is fitting out very well on you. I must say you are looking gorgeous in it.

Posted by: emma at February 28, 2006 5:20 AM

if she can have her sew some color on the top it will make the shirt cuter
but the skirt is cute cute cute :0)
me likes 30 dollers cant beat that :0)
..tonya

Posted by: tonya cinnamon at February 28, 2006 6:01 AM

cute dress and shoes! i absolutely hate dress shopping. i can never find anything i like, and if i do, it costs $200. like you, i just can't spend $200 on a dress i will wear once or twice!

Posted by: geeky at February 28, 2006 6:19 AM

Hmmm. Well, those shoes are interesting and will work. However these are sexier. On the flip side--they cost more than the dress did. Not cool. Maybe these or these? (I really like the second pair. I think I need to get some.) Actually these would make your legs look a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Ok, now that I've indulged my shoe obsession for the day, I can shut up.

Posted by: vdoprincess at February 28, 2006 7:10 AM

A pretty velvet choker or little necklace and you'll be good to go. The dress is very flattering, and very pretty. And a size 14 is pretty darned close to what Marilyn Monroe wore, sister - you've come a long way, and you look GREAT!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Mommygoth at February 28, 2006 7:57 AM

i hate dress shopping too! hate it with a firey passion! But that dress you got, it's cute! :) And it looks faboo on you! :)

Posted by: Luka at February 28, 2006 8:56 AM

Well, Iv'e been reading for a while now and I don't hink I have ever posted a comment. How shallow am I that I will come out to give fashion advice? I think the dress is fine and the no cleavage top is appropriate for a wedding (or maybe you could wear it backwards). You just need to dress it up some. I would play up the rhinestone with a rhinestone necklace, or long dangly rhinestone earrrings and maybe strappy shoes (with a bit of rhinestone even), or I would take the rhinestone off and replace it with something else. A nice deep purple ribbon might work. I would NOT try to change the top. You could end up wasting that 30 bucks, and instead of a great buy it would be money down the tube.

Posted by: Anne at February 28, 2006 10:13 AM

Oh, I think it's scrumptious. Dress shopping is a big old drag for me too - moreso now that I've moved into the same state as my five gorgeous blond tiny sister in laws. Ugh! I'm going to be back on the weightloss train post-baby this spring. 179 sounds pretty awesome to me! :) Hope we get to see some pics of the Final Product on Friday! :)

Posted by: anathea at February 28, 2006 10:20 AM

It's really pretty and really flatters your figure! You just need to dress it up with some snazzy jewelry and a great makeup job and you'll be set!

HOLY CRAP YOU'RE MELTING AWAY, GIRL!!!!

I'm jealous.

Posted by: Lisa at February 28, 2006 10:26 AM

I think the dress looks great. Very nice for a wedding. It looks like you spent more than $30.

Posted by: Nicole at February 28, 2006 4:35 PM

Girl, I totally understand what you are saying about dress shopping. Hell, any clothes shopping period!

That is a fab dress (and a steal). You look wonderful in it and should parade yourself around proudly!

Posted by: Sooz at February 28, 2006 6:11 PM

I think the dress is adorable. This is coming from someone who has never had any cleavage to show off so it looks completely fine to me.

I just had to buy a dress for a wedding also and I had the "perfect" dress in my mind. I didn't find it, but found one I decided to love that was on clearance for $14.99.

You look HOT.

Posted by: chris at February 28, 2006 7:18 PM

Y you look great! i think vdoprincess' advice sounds like a perfect plan and the shoes work. you're gonna look great and have a great time! :)

Posted by: kim at March 1, 2006 3:57 AM

Ah I hate to be anonymous but who knows who can find what I write and I don't care to share my clothing sizes with the world.

Anyhooooo so you can wear a size 14 at 180? Seems EVERYONE CAN BUT ME!!!! I'm in an 18 at the same weight. How unfair!

You look so awesome in that dress and I like it the way it is! Congrats on your weight loss!

Posted by: Me at March 1, 2006 8:35 AM

Perhaps you could wear one of those little sparkly shrug things??

Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at March 1, 2006 8:57 AM

I find that if I mimic the Verizon wireless commercial of the girl trying on clothes to the Black Eyed Peas, I feel a little better "My Humps" are indeed "My lumps." Dude. I am totally a 38D and cannot stand the major up my throat cleavage.

Anyway--hello-- you are just posting that picture so that we can all oooh and ahhh and say how pretty you look. ;)

OK fine, I give in---YOU LOOK GREAT!

Posted by: LotionBarBunny at March 1, 2006 11:08 AM

The dress is gorgeous, and even with your head cut off you look great in it. I had a similar experience trying to find a dress for an event I have next week. Next year I want to be able to pick a dress because I love it and it looks smokin on, not because it was the only one that fit that was a decent price ($58 with tax!)

Posted by: Cor at March 1, 2006 6:41 PM

Hey, I like the dress!

Posted by: Jane at March 2, 2006 9:39 AM

It's totally "Breakfast at Tiffany's"! We all know that you would NEVER be freinds with that prude Audrey Hepburn but hey, you look good in her dress.

Posted by: heidi at March 3, 2006 6:32 AM

Heidi nails it. Um, gloves?

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