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March 6, 2006
Gonna dance. On the floor. In a drunk.

So. The Wedding.

The day was going great, Tony came home from work early, Gabby was cooperating, we were excited and looking forward to a night out together with people we love and care about.

Then, we got "The Phone Call That Changed Everything."

My mother was in the hospital. She had told me she wasn't feeling well in the morning, but that she would still watch the kids. But, she got worse and my dad took her to the ER. I was worried about my mom and was panicked about the wedding at the same time. I didn't know what to do. After talking to my dad, I knew my mom was going to be ok, they just needed to figure out what the pain in her stomach was, but, now we had a babysitter crisis.

I called my cousin, who didn't sound very happy about being asked to watch THREE KIDS for 7 hours. But! She said she'd call me back and "let me know."

Tony and I talked about it and he decided that he would stay home with the kids and I would have to go alone.

We were both upset about the entire situation. My mom being in the hospital. Not getting to spend a night out together. So depressing.

The kids were happy, especially Andrew because he was bummed out that we weren't going to be around on his birthday. So, in a way, that made it better for both of us to deal with. We decided Tony and the kids would drive me out to the wedding, drop me off and have dinner together for Andrew's birthday. A friend of a friend agreed to take me home, so, ha! I could still drink a little wine and not have to worry about driving home, which, we all know is the most important thing one needs to worry about when attending a wedding.

The wedding was "outdoors" which, I should have taken that into consideration when buying a dress for it, but, you know, for thirty bucks, I was willing to freeze. (And even willing to "play it off" like I wasn't freezing, so as not to feel like a JACKASS for wearing a sleevless dress on a cold, rainy day.)

The location of the wedding was quite beautiful. It was a winery, located at the top of a hill, overlooking Temecula. God, it would have been so perfect, were it not for the fact that it was wet and damn cold.

I felt very out of place without my husband. Everyone waited indoors before the wedding started. Did I mention it was DAMN COLD? Because, damn! It was cold. I stood in a corner all alone, feeling very jackassish and very COLD. It was FINALLY time for the wedding to start, so we made our way back to the freezing cold outdoors (thankfully, there was a tent and heaters, but really, they were no match for THE FREEZING COLD. And I know some smart ass is going to inform me that we californians don't know what cold is! But, trust me, it was fa-reeeeezing.) I sat there with my cleavage, pretending to be TOTALLY COOL with having a sleeveless dress on, waiting for the wedding to start. Amazingly, once the it finally started? I forgot about the cold. It must have been all the love in the air, warming my heart and shit.

Barf, I know, but seriously, it was very sweet. The bride looked beautiful, and yes, I cried a little.

Now, there's something you need to know about me before I get to The Good Part. I am the kind of person who gets overly excited about things and tends to lose control in the name of a good time. Example. If I'm at a wedding and there is FREE WINE, I will be like "OMG! It's a wedding! And there is wine! Free wine! And love is in the air, and I'm alone and feeling akward, so, LET US PARTAKE OF THE WINE, Oh people at the wedding! For it is free! And it is a wedding! And WOOT! WINE!"

Anyone who knows me will tell you that this is true. That I get OVERLY EXCITED and DIVE RIGHT INTO WHATEVER FUN IS TO BE HAD with great enthusiasm, and, while it is cute and wonderful that I am so excited about having fun, I tend to take it too far and, well, that can be very UNcute.

So, I was standing all alone, waiting for the reception to start and the bartender, Phil, asked what kind of wine I would like. He told me the tale of a sweet red wine named "Lucious lips" and I was all "Phil, pour me some of DAT."

Oh. Phil. He was great. I mean, seriously, he laughed when I told him I was used to the cheap ass "Wild Vines" wine that I can get on sale for less than $3 a bottle. He was my only friend during those few minutes and man, did he take care of me with the wine.

Four glasses later, I started to feel a little weird and um, well, the reception hadn't even started yet.

I turned to Phil and said "Phil, listen to me, do NOT let me have another glass of wine, even if I beg!"

And Phil heard what I said (And perhaps saw that I was starting to mentally black out.) and said "Ok!"

The next hour or two is a blur, or, more like, I do NOT REMEMBER IT AT ALL.

But! I heard some great stories about "falling on my ass repeatedly whilst trying to bust some sexy dance moves on the dance floor" and how I would "wake up with bruises on my ass... FOR SURE!" But also, how "much fun it was to dance with me because HAHAHA! YOU FELL DURING BILLY JEAN!"

I started to come out of the drunken state towards the end of the reception and remember wanting to cry for letting that happen. My only defense is this..."I didn't INTEND on getting drunk! My INTENTION was to enjoy a few glasses of delicious red wine, but! I forgot that I hadn't eaten a single thing all day long and WHOOPS, I got drunk."

Joelle tried to make me feel better with this bit of wisdom...

"you had a good time ,you didn't hurt anyone, there's ALWAYS someone at a wedding who as a few too many and puts a lampshade on their head. it's totally cool, i'm sure. unelss you flashed people or kissed people's husbands".

That made me feel better, because unless "gettin' down and hittin' the floor" counts as "Flashing people" I did NO SUCH THING.

I felt pretty bad about it, I even CRIED about it the next day, (which, there's a small chance the FLARED UP HEMORRHOIDS had a little bit to do with the tears because OUCH and yet, HA! HA! Did the act of falling on my ass cause "the flare up"?) But, I'm the kind of person that makes a bigger deal out of things than they actually are because I'm paranoid, so, I really shouldn't have made such a big deal out of the whole thing.

The next day, I stopped by to say goodbye to the bride and I started to cry (shutup, I've told you before I'm an overly sensitive type person) and said "I'm sorry for getting that drunk" and she took me by the hands, looked me in the eyes and said "Did you have fun?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well, that's all that matters."

She's the bride. Who am I to argue with the bride? Now, if only I could get my husband to take back his supportive "YOU REALLY NEED TO GROW UP" comment, I think I'll feel all better and be able to move on from this.

(I have been trying to write this post since 9 this morning and between phone calls, putting clothes in the washer/dryer, taking care of Gabby, applying preparationH, I haven't been able to finish, so the whole "flow" of the post may be slightly compromised.)

Posted by Y at March 6, 2006 10:46 AM
Comments

Love that bride! I would have kissed her for saying that.

Posted by: ben at March 6, 2006 2:45 PM

I almost did. She's such a good person and I do love her for that. I mean, I loved her before she said it, because, she's been so good to me and especially to my boys, but, I needed to hear that.

Even though, really, I didn't do anything wrong and am totally overreacting.

I wasn't the only drunk one there! But, I may very well have been the only one who fell on their ass during Billy Jean.

Posted by: Y at March 6, 2006 2:50 PM

Hey...I got drunk at a friends wedding that my parents were also at and somehow convinced my MOM to get on the floor and do The Train. "Come on Ride The Train"...good lord the things weddings make us do! :P

Posted by: Itchy at March 6, 2006 2:58 PM

ITCHY! that makes me feel so much better. Seriously.

Posted by: Y at March 6, 2006 3:07 PM

Don't feel bad Y, you deserve to have fun AND get drunk! One time I went to a wedding by myself, V was sick and I got so drunk I puked on myself! No really....

Posted by: Michelle at March 6, 2006 3:11 PM

i agree totally with Joelle and the bride....and i'll bet you put a lot of life into that partay woman!!!!

i wish you'd been at my wedding Y, i'd have loved someone like you having such a good time

hugs

Posted by: Fiona at March 6, 2006 3:26 PM

I agree, as long as you had a great time (and weren't too hungover the next morning), I think everything you did was perfectly okay! Including falling down during Billy Jean.

Posted by: Katie at March 6, 2006 3:42 PM

i got drunk at a wedding one time. i was 17 and it was my best friend's cousins wedding. i was upstairs hanging over the rail screaming her name.

it was highly embarrassing but yanno, who cares. as joelle said, there is always one at every wedding. people will be talking about you for years, and probably how much fun you made the wedding! who really has fun at weddings unless they're drunk? i didn't have fun at my own wedding until i downed a whole bottle of korbel!!

Posted by: angela at March 6, 2006 4:33 PM

Ahh weddings...we've all done it once...gotten drunk, not had a wedding...well ok the wedding too...oh hell...

Anyway, how's your Mom?

Posted by: Candy at March 6, 2006 7:18 PM

Ha! At my best friend's wedding, we ALL started drinking a wee bit too early. Hubby got up to make his best man's speech, and forgot what he had written, so he talked about the brides fantastic tits, instead. Our other friend got drunk enough that he took a table cloth (outdoor wedding, plastic plaid table cloth) and wrapped himself up in it like a burrito, and layed himself down on the bathroom floor. For the night. So you, Y, would have been the sober one!

Posted by: Tammy at March 6, 2006 8:20 PM

Your bride has the right idea, and so do you! At my wedding, I totally AIMED for people to behave like you did. I love when guests have a fabulous, silly time(my groom had to pluck me out of a mini mosh-the-bride pit before I ruined my shoes- I have no sense of decorum).
Hope your mom is better.

Posted by: demondoll at March 6, 2006 9:36 PM

HA. Man, your stories make me feel a lot better.

Yet, at the same time, the lack of comments on this post makes me feel like THE INTERNET IS PISSED AT ME FOR GETTING DRUNK AT HER WEDDING.

But, I think I'm over it now.

Almost.

Pretty much.

Posted by: Y at March 7, 2006 7:24 AM

I hate that next day "OMG- I have so much shame, what did i do, OMG I am so embarrassed- I gotta stop thinking about it-where can i hide" feeling.

I've been there done that.

But i'm glad you have this post because i go to an open bar wedding next saturday evening and you have made me remember that i dont want those next day feelings again!

Thanks Y, your a gem!
Glad you had a blast!

Posted by: Heatherg at March 7, 2006 7:26 AM

I'm going to quote one of my favorite authors here "I like to see my guests get just a little squiffy at my expense. It makes me feel I've been a good hostess."

I totally agree with the bride. If you had fun and she's not in the slightest bit upset, then it's all good, Y! My sister-in-law is the family wedding lush, and we love her to bits. She has a good time, and we all have a good time when we're with her. She's fun, funny, and uninhibited (in a say-anything way, not in a take-her-clothes-off sort of way).

And am I showing my age/geekdom that I when I read the title of this post, I instantly put it to the tune of Billie Jean?

Posted by: Bronwen at March 7, 2006 7:33 AM

OK Y...if that part of the story made you feel better this part should make you forget all about your story:

After dancing while drunk with my MOM! I continued to drink until I realized I'd told my hubby I'd stay with him at his parent's house that night and I had to ask my Mom and Dad to drive me to my in-laws because I was too drunk to drive! And I tried to sneak into my in-laws house like I was some kind of a teenager breaking curfew and got busted by my sister in law and was talking to her VERY LOUDLY about "OH MY GAWD! I am so DRUNK!"

So there you go...the rest of my shameful drunken wedding story. :P

Posted by: Itchy at March 7, 2006 7:51 AM

Adding my voices to the masses... that story is HILARIOUS and if anyone's judging you it's because they're jealous that they don't have as much fun at weddings as you do. I can't believe you fell; that's so funny and mortifying! But when you consider you had a stressful start to the day (mom in hospital), no food, and you were a frozen dateless lady just trying to warm up, 4 glasses of wine in a row makes sense... I'd probably have thrown up!

Y, you're invited to my wedding if I ever get married :)

Posted by: p at March 7, 2006 9:25 AM

Been there, done that. Especially the falling on my ass part. My friend/psuedo-date insisted on swing dancing to some song and my shoes were very slippery, so it was more like throw-her-on-her-ass dancing. Spin her around, she ends up on the floor. Pick her up. Do it all again. There were LOTS of bruises.

Only it was at law school prom, not a random wedding, so I had to see those people every day for the next two and a half years. Luckily, most of them were totally shit-faced too, so not many remembered me. :-)

Posted by: stephanie at March 7, 2006 10:11 AM

Every wedding needs a Y! At my wedding my brother banged his girlfriends head on the dance floor while dipping her! My husband and I took our turn being the wedding entertainment at his cousin's wedding (200 non-drinkers at a country club).

You actually did her a huge favor. Instead of remembering the crappy appetizers the bride served people will say "hey remember how fun so & so's wedding was when they played Billie Jean?"

Posted by: JesseeezMom at March 7, 2006 12:16 PM

BTW- at receptions, Hubby and I are usually put seated with the other loonies close to the bar and as far away as possible from the head table/parents. It's prolly best...

Posted by: demondoll at March 7, 2006 5:06 PM

Oh, I could tell you stories that would make you feel sooooo much better about yourself. Join the "I Was The Drunk Funny Person At the Wedding" Club. Okay, just one. Since you twisted my fucking arm....just a few weeks ago we went to an art gallery opening - all hoity-toity and rich people - right? Well, there was free wine!!!! I made friends with the bartender and well, there ya go. I couldn't walk to the car by myself by the end and the next morning couldn't get out of bed either. I think my hubs and I had great sex though. At least thats what he said.

Posted by: Debbie at March 7, 2006 5:13 PM

If I ever get married, promise to come to my wedding?

You are ace

love
Nessa xx

Posted by: Vanessa at March 8, 2006 6:33 AM

Y? You just wrote about drunken dancing, your mother's hospitalization, your ability to have fun and hemorrhoids and you're worried about your flow??? The only trouble with flowing was the fact that I nearly wet myself picturing myself in the same scenario.

Posted by: Cori at March 8, 2006 9:33 PM

Is your title to the tune of Billy Jean?

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About Y
My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 15 year old son, a 11 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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