When my Aerobic Dance Instructor announced that she'd be leaving for Russia for the summer, I knew that I'd miss Aerobic Dance Class, but I had no idea just how much I'd miss it.
I hate "freestyling" at the gym. I hate it with a passion.
Machines are boring. One minute on the eliptical feels like 2 hours. I try everything to distract myself from the stupid little red timer in the hopes that it will go faster if I stop obsessing over each passing second. I put my towel over the timer, I read a magazine, I watch the TV with no sound, I think about people that I hate and how I'm going to kill them with my new muscular body, I think about Teh Sex and how I sure look forward to having it again someday when my husband finally decides to get his Shit Snipped, I think about my babies and ponies and rainbows and bloggers and...and...THEN I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE AND I LIFT UP THE TOWEL TO DISCOVER THAT ONLY 48 SECONDS HAS PASSED.
Not only are the machines boring, but they are dirty. I find myself dry heaving everytime I go to use a machine after a fellow gymmate has used it to find Sticky Ass Sweat lingering on the seat. HELLO? That is what the towel you are carrying around is for, you dirty pig.
Then there's the issue of me being completely unable to control my gas whilst using any machine that involves the squeezing together of my legs. I try to be all "Yeah, I farted, SO WHAT?" about it, but honestly, farting at the gym amongst women who are walking around trying to prove that they are BETTER HUMAN BEING THAN YOU because they use 8 pound weights (as opposed to your lame little 5 pounders)makes me feel bad about myself.
Can we talk about the women who hog the machines now? Obviously, these are women who have no clue about the proper way to "work out" because everyone knows that 3 SETS OF 12 IS ENOUGH. Sitting there doing 100 leg presses isn't going to win you a special place in Gym Heaven, so STEP OFF AND GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A TURN.
God.
I miss the days where I could just get to the gym early, to "stretch and get prepared to own the aerobic dance floor with my totally awesome moves and burn a buttload of calories in the process.
No wiping other people's ass sweat, no waiting for stupid people to share the machines, no boringness. Just pure, sweet, calorie burning dancing.
I hope she plans on coming back. I do not know what I'll do if I find out that she's gone forever. Seriously.
Am I first? Wooo-hooo, better hurry typing before someone beats me! Anyhooo, I hate exercise too! With an absolute passion. But I could never do the dancing thing cause I'd make a fool of myself. No rhythm. I'm totally a white girl!