Joy Unexpected | This Blog is Poison to Your Brains!

July 24, 2006

Not Pop Pew Lar

Are you tired of reading about BlogHer yet? I am! And yet? I'm going to write about BlogHer.

I'm not nervous about it whatsoever. I'm excited! And also, EXCITED!

I have my reasons for going and "impressing people" isn't one of my reasons. (Well, EXCEPT for in the case of my Aerobic Dance Moves. I'm all about impressing people with that shit.) My reasons for going are pretty much as follows.

a) A weekend with no kids.
b) No kids!
c) Liquor!
d) People whom I love will be there and I can finally hug them.
e) Cock
f) Tails!
g) learning more about BAWLAWWWWGING
h) (but really? A weekend with women I love without kids and WITH LIQUOR!)

I'm not worried about people not liking me, or people thinking that I'm "not cool" or people being clique-y. In fact, I'm more worried about my ass accidentally showing up in photos because WHOOPS, the drunk girl fell again and could someone please tell her to stop WITH THE DANCING ALREADY! Seriously. I'm used to being the outsider in social situations. I always find a way to have fun anyway. (see: dances aerobically whilst drunk in any type of social situation whether or not an actual dance floor or actual music is present.)

(Cock! Tails!)

Honestly, does that look like a girl who cares much about "fitting in?" That right there is a girl who knows how to make her own fun.

Don't get me wrong, I AM looking forward to meeting people, to having fun with people, to getting to know new people. I just refuse to waste any energy worrying if people will like me enough to hang out with me.

(But, I'm thinking of making an autograph booth with FREE AUTOGRAPHS FOR EVERYONE just in case things get awkward, because pretending like your famous enough to be signing autographs always makes people feel at ease and like they really should want to be sitting at YOUR table.)

In closing, I'm going to leave you with another list. We'll call this one the "Don't say I didn't warn you" list. Things that I'll definitely do at BlogHer, things that I definitely will NOT do at BlogHer and things that I may do if I get drunk enough at BlogHer (which, it may be a good idea if someone volunteers to be my "cutter offer" because you do NOT want me doing the things on THAT portion of the list. Trust me.)

Things That I'll Definitely Do:
-Hug people.
-Pounce on people.
-Say "OMG! It's you!"
-Drink liquor.
-The Worm
-The Monkey
-Fart
-Burp
-Take pictures
-Instigate a Dance Off (FEAR MY MOVES.)

Things That I Definitely Won't Do
-Wear a bathing suit of any kind
-Wear shorts
-Wear a blazer (WTF?)
-Hang out by the pool
-change in front of anyone
-Go braless

Things That I May End Up Doing If I Get Drunk Enough
-Jumping in a cab all by myself at 1am and say "Take me to a club where I can dance!"
-Pet people
-Fall on my ass
-Cry
-Lick people
-Shout things like "FRENCH FRIES FOR EVERYONE! MY TREAT!" (and freaking mean it.)

So, um, who's sitting at MY table?

(oh! I forgot! The "Original Plan" was that I was only attending the Cock! Tail! Parties, but! Thanks to Flipp-ay I will be attending the conferences! God, I love Flippay.)

Posted by Y at July 24, 2006 5:19 PM

Comments

I'd so sit at your table.

But everyone would be like, "Who the hell are you?"
And I'd be like, "BITCH I CUT YOU."

Or something.

Posted by: xtine at July 24, 2006 6:33 PM

if i could afford to go, i would TOTALLY sit at your table, Y. in fact? i wouldn't want to sit anywhere else. :-)

Posted by: nine at July 24, 2006 6:34 PM

I can't wait to read all about this weekend! I'm at home crying already because I'm not there! I feel like a geek!

Posted by: Jerri Ann at July 24, 2006 6:41 PM

HELLO!!! I am!

The fun has already started for me. I left a REALLY silly message for my roommate who will now think she has gotten herself in with a humongous idiot!

I will completely join the dance off, but I'm already really pissed that I'll lose just because I can't do the worm in my current state.

The blazer thing?!?!?! W.T.F. is that all about?!?!?! Do any real people honestly wear those anymore? I think this blazer thing may be the funniest thing about BlogHer yet!

Posted by: MegaMom at July 24, 2006 6:43 PM

I so want to go! Love your blog, been reading for about a week now!

And...I would sooo challenge you to a dance off! ;-)

Posted by: theshellieshow at July 24, 2006 6:48 PM

I would pay good money to see you do all of that. AND, sit at your table. You rock.

Posted by: Debbie at July 24, 2006 7:00 PM

I'd give anything to go, and sit at your table. Except you'd probably rather sit with the younger bloggers anyway.

I hope you all have a wonderful time! Take pictures. Have fun. Hug everyone for me?

Posted by: Mamacita at July 24, 2006 7:16 PM

I've never wanted to go to BlogHer more than I do at this very moment. Dammit...

Posted by: Itchy at July 24, 2006 7:21 PM

Well...if I were going....I definitely would sit at your table but since I'm not....you can just mail me my autograph. :o)

Posted by: Dawn at July 24, 2006 7:24 PM

You're so LUCKY. And I will be sitting at home, watching my children and drinking margaritas. Not at the same time, you understand. The tequila only comes out after 8. How do ya get invited to these things?? I BLOG. I wanna go toooooooooo!

Posted by: Stacey at July 24, 2006 7:31 PM

I'd go! And sit at your table! And hold your drink during the dance-off. Also? Cheer-lead for you. Butsince I can't even afford to go into town more than 4 days a week, it's kinda not going to happen.

Anyway, everyone would ignore me, I;d be completely awkward and alone, people would say "who in the hell are you? WTF?" and I'd be sitting there, hiding in my abaya, and probably crying. Ahhh.

And later, I may join the dance-off.

Posted by: julianna at July 24, 2006 7:32 PM

You know I am at your table. ANd you will recognize me by my high pitched squeal ;-)

And you should totally charge for those autographs ;-)

Posted by: chris at July 24, 2006 7:35 PM

Can I sneak in your luggage?

Posted by: Annika at July 24, 2006 7:36 PM

Can I please get a picture of you and Chris together? Preferably signed?

You guys are two of my favorites!

Posted by: Mary at July 24, 2006 7:55 PM

Yeah, I'm not nervous either. Though the autograph booth,,,man, you think of all the good plans.

Fear my Michael Flatley Lord of the Ring, I mean, Dance, bitch. and that's all I gotta say about that.

Posted by: jen at July 24, 2006 8:16 PM

I wish I was going, but I'm a blogging nobody, so I'll read about it by all you blogging somebodies.

I'd totally be at your table. I'll bet you're the one that has the most fun. Can't wait to hear about it.

Posted by: Nila at July 24, 2006 8:28 PM

Three requests:

1. Take lots of pictures.

2. Make out with Julia from Here Be Hippogriffs for me. I don't know her. I have no idea what she looks like. I do know she's married. Me too-ish. Anyway.

3. Take more pictures.

(oh, and have fun!)

Posted by: Flippy at July 24, 2006 9:18 PM

Ack! I wish I was going to BlogHer. I want to see the worm. My worm is more of a stepped-on post-rain worm. I needs me some schoolin'.

Have a good time, and remember liquor before beer, in the clear, beer before liquor, nasty effing hangover.

Posted by: Cara at July 24, 2006 9:32 PM

And please post a picture of you and amalah dancing! Ok, no more demands.

Posted by: Cara at July 24, 2006 9:34 PM

I'm not going, but I have a good excuse: VACATION. I mean... supporting my kid at the Junior Olympics. Somehow, I don't think I'll be getting much alcohol. Or worm action.

I'm extremely jealous of you, though. If you happen to go to the Day 1 Digital Photography workshop with Heather Champ [Hello!! You MUST go!] feel free to tell her how much I admire her. Ha! You can be my stand in stalker...

Have fun!

Posted by: kristyk at July 24, 2006 9:47 PM

I certainly hope you set up a free autograph table. That would be awesome!

Posted by: Nina at July 24, 2006 11:47 PM

You are the MOST Pop Yew Lar.

I can't believe I'll be Under The Knife instead of At The Conference. :-(

Posted by: Belinda at July 25, 2006 12:23 AM

OMG is that an Old Navy top? Cute! But I hate them..

Posted by: daniel at July 25, 2006 12:50 AM

I suppose if I must, I will sit at your table. But only if you teach me areobic dance moves and only if upon my arrival you'll point me in the direction of the closest liquor store.

Posted by: Heather B. at July 25, 2006 6:28 AM

Shoot. Can't miss that! I'll have to go in drag.

*asks kids for makeup advice*

Posted by: zorgon at July 25, 2006 7:18 AM

I'm thinking that at this point, we're all gon' need to see The Worm in action. If you can find someone that can record it and then post the vid to YouTube, I'd be forever grateful. No offense, of course...the photos you post of it happening are loads of fun! But I wanna see it...I MUST see it actually happening finally! And what better place to record such an activity than at BlogHer!?

Sounds like you'll have a blast, sista. Enjoy, and update as often as possible (Your drunken blogging is some of my fave stuff!)

Posted by: Faith at July 25, 2006 9:14 AM

I am so at your table. Check my pic. on my blog and maybe we will recognize each other. Can't wait to see the worm.

http://familyfreitas.blogspot.com/

Posted by: Lia at July 25, 2006 9:48 AM

I could be your limo driver/bodyguard. I would be pushing the paparazzi away. Then you could break into a Red Carpet Worm on them. I can see it now.......

Posted by: Charlie at July 25, 2006 10:48 AM

I was all set to go, and then I went and got myself pregnant. And then I flew once, when I was 6 weeks along, and it convinced me that I am NEVER EVER flying again while pregnant. Morning sickness plus motion sickness equals absolute air-travel hell.

Oh well. I'll be there next year. Promise.

Posted by: poobou at July 25, 2006 12:36 PM

Dude. If you want, I'll SELL you my autograph. Fifteen bucks, it's a steal!

Posted by: Amy at July 25, 2006 1:16 PM

I'm sooooo saaaa-AD! I wanna go toooooo! I wanna be going and I would totally be talking about BlogHer to anyone who would listen! But. Sadly. I'm not going. Sooooo, eat some fries for me! Sniff, sniff. Maybe drink a mojito for me?

Posted by: Stepherz at July 25, 2006 3:38 PM

i won't be a contender in the dance-off, but i will totally help judge it. AND i haven't seen you in ages. looking forward to those hugs, girl. hope we run into each other at the sessions (and we can sit in the back and make jokes). see you there.

Posted by: becky at July 25, 2006 6:37 PM

omg- now i wanna go to the friday nite cocktale partay just to sit at your table!!!

Posted by: gwendomama at July 25, 2006 9:34 PM

Y- no access to hotmail during the day job so I will just leave you with this:

It is ON.

Tonight I will be watching "So You Think You Can Dance?" just to tighten up the moves, but it IS. ON.

(I really wish I had planned better so I had time to rent "Honey", "Save the Last Dance", "Center Stage" and "You Got Served", but thank goodness I am street. you will not know what hit you.).

Posted by: jen at July 26, 2006 8:41 AM

honestly i've never heard of blogher before but DAMN i wish i was going now! also, i want an autograph.

Posted by: bonnie at July 27, 2006 10:21 AM