Last night we had a dinner for the basketball team. I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to attend because I didn't have anything to wear.
I know! I have a new tracksuit! And a pretty stripped shirt. But, I also wear those two tracksuits to every game and I was not about to go to a dinner in one of those outfits.
I promised myself that I'd never miss out on another event because of the "I don't have anything to wear" excuse, but I had completely justified "this one time" in my mind. "It's just a dinner for the basketball team. It's not like it's a wedding, or an awards ceremony!"
The dinner was scheduled to start at 6:00. At 4:30, Tony came home from work. I informed him that I was going to attend the dinner. He wasn't happy about it at all.
" I want you to be there." He said. "Baby, you'll have a great time without me. It can be a bonding time for you and your son." He looked at me and said "But I want you there with me." I paused for a minute. "You'll be fine, Tony."
I left to go to the grocery store to buy the stuff I needed to make a salad for the dinner. On the way there, I kept hearing my husband's voice. "I want you there with me." Over and over. I was, yet again, being a selfish jerk. I kept thinking about what I was missing out on all because of effing clothes.
I was overcome with guilt and I knew that if I didn't go, I'd regret it.
And so, before I went to the grocery store, I made an impromptu trip to Kohls. (Ah, Kohls. I hate you and yet I can't quit you.) I thought if I went there and couldn't find anything to wear, at least I could say "I tried! Now, you all have fun without me!"
I made my way to The Wimmin's Section. I felt sick to my stomach. It's been months since I've shopped for real clothes (also known as: Clothes that are not tracksuits). I've avoided it like the plague because shopping for clothes in the wimmin's section is painful for me. I started at the clearance rack, because well, I ALWAYS start at the clearance rack. I was ready to give up after about 3 minutes because DEAR GOD MAKE THE PAISLEY/FLORAL PRINTS GO AWAY when suddenly, I saw a light shine down from heaven and the FUGLY clothes parted and right there before my eyes, I saw pair of black. In my size. I grabbed the tag and that is when I heard the angels sing.
Yes, Jesus loves me, the price tag tells me so.
It was as if God was speaking to me, right there in the clearance section of Kohls and he was saying "Y. I don't want you to miss out on a night with your family. Here are some pants, the shirts are 50% off. ENJOY THINE SPAGHETTI DINNER."
When God speaks to you in the aisles of Kohls, you LISTEN and so, I rushed home, made the salad and got ready in less than 20 minutes (can you say "pit wash" and "spot shave?") and went to the dinner.
And it was wonderful. I even made a new friend and she's fabulous.
Oh, Self. How you've grown.
(And ha! ha! I wasn't referring to "growing in size" but I can't help but bring it up because WHEN IN THE HELL DID I GROW STRIPPER SIZED TITTAYS?)









I am speaking from a reputation of staunch heterosexuality, but that picture made me go YOWZA!