You're awesome. When you're depressed, it takes serious guts to make difficult decisions like "get out of bed" and "be around people." Sometimes that's hard to do even when you're feeling good about things. So for you to consciously decide to do those things that are so very hard right now, well, you're simply marvelous. You WILL BE ALRIGHT. It may take some time, but IT WILL HAPPEN. I will continue to drink to you while we wait.

Hang in there! Take care of yourself!

I rarely post, but always read. About the same time you were diagnosed finally, a good friend of mine was diagnosed as well. I sent her to your blog, to specifically read one long post where you explained everything going on with you and your symptoms. She read it, and it was her symptoms too! Suddenly, she didn't feel so alone in her dealing with the disease. You reach so many people with this blog. Please don't feel that we don't want to hear what is going on with you. I check this blog daily, and I'm certain others do as well. You are cared for by so many people. Depression sucks. I've been there myself and had to take medication for over a year to get through it. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and know that people care, truly care.

I've been there. I had thyroid cancer, had it removed, got fat, got depressed...for 10 years or so. Went to a psychiatrist, got some pills, able to function but still not skipping thru my days. I just do it for my kids. I read you all the time and you make me feel better, like you're on my team. So keep your chin up. You're a great girl.

As a fellow depressionist I am proud of you for recognizing when you can't put on a "happy" face anymore and that you just need help. Good on you. Now off to follow my own advice. Take care lovely girl!

I think you are wonderful and gorgeous and seem to be a great (and fun!) Mom. What more could your kids or husband ask for??

I stop by every day. I want to reach out and hold you, to tell you to cry and be sad and feel whatever it is you are feeling. I want to tell you that whatever you see, we see a beautiful, strong woman who is dealing with pain and a disease. I want you to know we care, and that's it. Sending you love through these internets ok :)

Stay strong. I'll read you no matter what.

Hugs and Kisses

If it would help, I would totally kick your thyroid's ass for being such a LOSER of a thyroid. You're incredibly brave to be honest with yourself about what you're going through-- much less the whole internetz.

And on a totally unrelated note? You hair looked really nice and shiney in this picture of otherwise sadness. So. Um. You've got that going for you.

Oh, gosh, Y, I'm so sorry you are going through this and so impressed by your fortitude. It must be so difficult. I come here everyday hoping you will post. We don't just love you when you make us laugh, but realize you are a real person, and we want to hear about your life.

I just wanted to delurk to say I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I don't know if comments from a stranger make you feel any better, but I hope they do.

I'm a longtime lurker, but I have to speak up today to say: hang in there, baby! I hope you are able to get the help you need to feel better now, and I'll keep coming back to check up on you regardless. Wishing you all the best, Y.

I read you because I feel like what you write is so 'real'. You have made me laugh too many times to count. Unfortunately this is another 'real' part of life that we all go through at some point. The silly Y will be back eventually but I'll be here reading no matter what. Take care of yourself!

Thanks for sharing your struggles. One of the things I hold on to when I'm going through a depression is an attitude towards it that I learned in China: it will eventually end. Grasping on to that nugget helps carry me through. And I'm confident that you, especially with the help that you're seeking, will come through this too. I hope that didn't sound too motivational poster-like.

You're bringing out a bunch of lurkers today--add me to the list. I've suffered from minor, chronic illnesses all of my life and it is exhausting. I can only imagine how difficult it is to maintain your life while you feel as poorly as you have been feeling for so long. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this and that it is taking so long to get things evened out. Your humor and love continue to shine through. That stupid bitch of a thyroid can't take that from you! Thanks for sharing all of this with us.

I think we're probably so fond of your style of writing and your brand of honesty that we can't NOT read you. Hell, my sister calls me at work and goes "did you see that Y posted today??? you should go read now!!!" no matter what the content.

I'm also hopelessly addicted to your flickr stream. You are just getting more and more talented by the day and I love seeing the world through your lens :) Now MY corn is over!

We love you because you are honest and real.

I am proud of you for going to the party, and for recognizing that you need to surround yourself with people who love you.

xoxo

Depression is also a disease. One that takes away your self assurance, faith, and hope. I've been there. You're trying and not isolating yourself, that helps. Please know that you are not alone, that your words help others. Hugs and Prayers to you.

The thing about blogging is that it means you can write what you feel and then other people who feel the same way can read it and know they're not alone. It's all about not feeling alone.
True, sometimes it's about funny stories and whatnot, but there's a time and a place for everything, right? So right now it's about the suckiness. Later, it will be about the happy. You just do what you need to do and hang in there.

Our lives are way too parallel at times, mama. I've been struggling with depression since Sammy's diagnosis. I've been "in hiding" for quite some time now. It seems easier to cope when I "hide", though I know damn well being around people is better for me. Sometimes Jay has to drag me out, and I do feel better. But most of the time? Bed sounds all too good. It's easier to sleep than cope.

Hang in there. Email me if you need to.

You must be one hell of a strong woman. I'm sure you don't feel that way now, but you are. The fact that you soldiered on and went to the party--that you are writing about how you're feeling. It takes incredible strength.

The hardest part is asking for help. It always is. But that you are...it means all is not lost.

I love your honesty. I'd be much less likely to continue reading if you were just feeding us rainbows and unicorns.

(hugs)

You are a gift. Even through your depression and your illness you bring joy and happiness to so many. I love reading your blog because it's like talking to an old friend. It's comforatble and sincere. Take care of you.

I just want you to know how much I've admired your photos and that I equally admire your courage and vulnerability. *Hugs* to you.

Y, btw, Bibi is me. I usually post with my real name (Brandi).

I think it's good you're going to a therapist before it goes any farther. It's completely normal and understandable to get depressed once you've gotten a diagnosis that can affect your health for the rest of your life. And also when you don't feel you have control over things in your life in the way that you're used to having.

Take care of yourself. {{{{hugs}}}}

you know, I think you're lucky to have so much support here but I know that it goes both ways for people. for me, it's nice to read this and know I am not alone.

I know how hard it must have been to write these words-- thank you for sharing the vulnerability that you are feeling. I love reading your posts about your family and your funny stories, but I also adore your honesty about what you've been going through lately.

Sending a big hug your way....

Y,

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It might take a while for your doc to find the right anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds but they will provide relief so that you will be able to talk to your counselor and find out what you need to do in order to feel better. Also, don't forget to tell your thyroid doc what's going on with your depression.

We are all on team Y and nothing you throw at us will scare us away.

Keep the faith!

You know, I had a dream with you in it last night (does that sound too creepy??). I was somewhere where there were a lot of bloggers and you were just so sweet and kind to me that I woke up with a general warm, fuzzy feeling about you. And I thought about the crap you've been through lately and hoped that you would find some peace and happiness soon. I'm glad to see you wanting to be proactive and please do know that I'm rooting for you!

I just want to say how great I think you are. I know its not easy, I have been there and am still dealing with depression. There are days/weeks that I dont want to leave the house and talk to anyone. So I know how your feeling. (((Hugs)))

Make the appointment and please take care. I'm sorry you are hurting right now.

Aaww, that made me tear up. I feel so much compassion for what you are going through. We've never spoken before, not even thru emails. But I genuinely like you and want more than anything to see you beat this and be the happy girl you once were.
Kudos to you for getting help and seeing the depression for what it is. That is huge! I hope you can get the meds you need very soon.

{{{Hugs}}}

I wish you could see what we all see. You are an amazing person and even though you seem to be going through a rough patch...you are still a bright star! Push yourself to get out there...the ones who love you will help you through this time and you will spend less time being depressed because they are there for you.

Oh come here, Y, let me put my arms around you. It'll get better. It will.

First, I need to say I am NOT a doctor or even any sort of medically trained professional. However, it sure sounds like some of the stuff my mother-in-law went through before her thyroid problems were diagnosed. I think you should find a doctor who will look into that more carefully.

On a personal note (or, at least as personal as it can get, considering I don't actually "know" you) I wanted to let you know I find your blog interesting and honest. Please don't worry about "depressing" us. I'm a stranger, and I care.

Sometimes you just have to let it out. It eats at you if you don't. If you ever want to scream into an e-mail and send it my way, feel free. I won't show it to anyone.

Hugs to you! Keep strong

Sending more virtual hugs your way. I so hope and pray things get better for you, Y. You are so beautiful - inside and out.

I read this and cry. In being honest with us, your also being honest with yourself. I am so impressed you are recognizing how you feel and working to do something about it. Whatever it takes, please take good care of yourself. There are lots of people who love you and want you to feel better. Hugs to you.

i've lurked for a long time. just wanted to let you know that i've been having sleeping problems and on my recent trip to the dr. to discuss the issue, i pushed him to test my thyroid. because of you. thankfully all came back normal, but i wanted you to know that i keep coming back because the things you write are important to more people than just you. but you know that.

much love and around-the-corner happiness to you.

Delurking just to say that your honesty and bravery are what bring me back to read every day. Your writing helps me look at myself everyday and deal with my own weight and depression issues and not hide behind them. You are a Blogging Hero! Thanks Y.

Totally nodding my way through this, as I was where you are now two years ago almost exactly. It's horrible to feel so alone and while it helps to have an answer, it doesn't totally make the feelings go away. You are loved, and you are very, very wonderful, and it will get better.

And not that you asked or that I'm even recommending this, as we're all different, but I did go on anti-anxiety meds until my thyroid was stabilized. It really helped a lot to take the edge off.

And for chrissake, don't worry about depressing people. Why fake it? This place is all about you, darlin', as it should be.

xoxoxo

((Hugs))

I check every day for new posts and love everything you write, as weird as it seems I feel like I know you and your family and I really care about you all! I don't have any advice or wisdom or anything like that, but I do hope you can find some relief from this disease.

Also, I don't know if you ever read Crystal at boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com? You two are tied for my favorite bloggers and she is also having a hard time right now, if you haven't read her maybe give it a try. :)

Y - you're gonna be ok. You are already on the path to "better"...it will take some time, nothing can be "better" overnight (unless it involves chocolate!) but you already know what you need to do - itsn't that 10x's better than the last time you were depressed? You one step ahead of yourself and that's great! You should continue to write (it's good for you!) and we will all continue to boost you up on virtual shoulders!

AND I've got a book for you - if you haven't already read it - go buy EAT PRAY LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert. She is FUNNY and SMART and her book is so good! It will lift you up!

Take care of you!

Y,
Joy Unexpected. When you come through the other side of this bought with depression you will be stronger and experience Joy in a newer, more vibrant way. You are made stronger through trials. Hang in there, keep writing, and do what you've learned you need, surround yourself with those whom you love and love you. You're in my prayers.

-N

FIrst off many many hugs because I like others have btdt and it never gets easier.
Don't be so quick to blame the thyroid for everything. I say that to keep you on finding the reasons for why you feel the way you do because honestly, once most doctors hear Thyroid they will write it off as that and that only. Except, you never feel better.
Anyway, Way way before my thyroid problems, I am talking 6 years old, I had depression symptoms. They never totally go away, I am chronic.
Now I just view my diabetes and thyroid as another hurdle, making it harder to stay on the sunny side of life. It really is hard, I understand. We are here.

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to get through this rough time. I have dealt with depression on and off my entire life and I've always thought the hardest part was admitting to myself that I needed help and then asking for it. You've already cleared that hurdle, it's just going to get better from here. I hope you're feeling better very, very soon.

You WILL get through this - here's hoping everything starts looking brighter sooner rather than later! :)

*hugs* Take good care.

You never have to turn off the corn. Take care of yourself.

Oh, Y. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You need to stop being hard on yourself when posting about the hash or about what you are going through. It is your blog and you should vent or turn on the corn as you so choose.

I don't always comment but I'm always listening. I hope you start to feel better.

On another note entirely...your pictures are completely awesome.

XOX,
D

I've been reading you for a while now. I check in every day because I enjoy your humor, your writing, and your honesty. So... good vibes your way and a HUGE thank you for sharing.

You are awesome. I take great delight in your humor and your photography, and I wish you the best for a rapid and robust recovery.

I've been reading your blog for well over a year now, and please know that the crappy parts of your story are every bit as valid for us readers as the uplifting and funny parts. As a reader, I want to know your news, even when it's bad, because I'm invested in your story.

But I totally get what you're saying. I am a blogger, too, and I have gone through some very low points and felt like my blog consisted of weeks of whining and moaning. And I couldn't figure out why my readers stuck around and kept supporting me. Thinking about how I feel when I read your blog, though, I'm beginning to understand. We're all in this "life" thing together, you know?

Dont give up on yourself, Y. I know everyone is saying that it will get better and all you want to know is when? SOON. I think about you and I pray that you get better soon. Your kids need you, your husband needs you and WE the INTERNET need you. I have been depressed before and I hate the feeling. Keep your head up Y, we love you.

Ah, Y, you are such a lovely person. There are hundreds if not thousands of people out here pulling for you, wanting the best for you. (And three trolls, but they don't count).

Hugs. Smooches. Do what you need to do.

I hope that you take the time for yourself to do anything it takes to feel better. You deserve it and we're all rooting for you!

I'm delurking to say that I love your blog, and keep writing! There's a huge history of depression in my family, and many of my family members have said that writing about their feelings has helped them get through the really bad days. And we will all come back every day and see how you are and let you know that you're not alone, even on the days you don't feel like leaving the house.

If we couldn't find a way or a place to talk things out and "think out loud" as my mom would say, we'd all be a very sorry sort. You write about and talk about it all you need and want to. I love your blog because it's like listening to a girlfriend - there's good, there's touching, there's bad..it's the whole she-bang. Even though I don't know you in person I feel like I know you. Of course I want to hear all about everything. (((HUGS))) Y.

I want to let you know that you inspired me to go to the doctor to get my thyroid checked. Well, it was fine, but apparently a lot of other things are messed up. Oy! But thank you for getting me to get my butt to the doctor.

I've also been in a deep well of depression lately. But here's an interesting thing. Fish oil! That's right, fish oil can help relieve the symptoms of depression. I just found out about this, started taking some, and sure enough, it helps!
And to add more proof to this theory: For several years, I used to eat salmon almost every day. Then because of financial reasons, I had to give it up (salmon is expensive!). And it was right around that time that my depression began.

So I think there might be something to this. You might want to seek out some fish oil capsules and see if that helps. Even if it doesn't help your depression, it's amazing what it does for your skin. Just swallowing a couple of capsule, and almost overnight your skin will feel buttery soft . It also helps reduce cholestorol and blood pressure.

Good luck, Y. I hope you get back to wellness soon. Love ya!

:::hugs::: I'm sorry this is happening to you (again) but it seems to me you're taking the proper steps to dealing with it. I applaud you for speaking so openly about it. Not many people do. I hope you get to feeling better soon. xxoo

I read all the time, and specially these days. I'm sorry for not commenting more - but you're in my thoughts

*hugz* I hope you feel better soon, Y! I don't comment too often, but I do come here often to read ya!

I kept wanting to copy bits of your post to put here that I really identified with but if I had done that I would have copied pretty much the whole thing.

You know, since I spoke that message last month... something about speaking that out brought me crashing down, and I had the worst couple weeks. I picked the kids up from school and found myself crying in the car... wtf? where was this coming from. I was coping with my depression remember? and here was I feeling worse than i'd felt in so long... I think I made myself really vulnerable in front of a lot of people and while that can be really good... I dunno, it can also be hard. People appreciate it though, I know they do, and I'm glad that I did it and I'm glad you do this. You lay yourself bare here so many times and you help so many people because you do just that. Is it just because you are funny that gets you 100+ comments on your blog? No. It is because you are you. Beautiful and vulnerable and often hurting and sad and vibrant and loving and you. You ARE spirit!

You say the things that I believe most people feel, you make it ok to be who we are.

I have been reading your back posts and you are challenging me so much with how completely full of grace you are. You love your parents. You really love them. And here I am holding so much against my own that it has almost ruined my last 2 years, all the hurts, all the rejection. You challenge me, Yvonne.

I feel like I am rising up again a bit now. When I have a clear head day I write, I write and I write and I write... all the things that I actually know are true. Just because I feel like junk it doesn't mean that all the stuff I've learned it wrong... it just means I feel like junk!

If you ever want to talk, I am here... just be prepared for a whole lotta emotional me back atcha.

xxxxx

Glad you are feeling well enough to "get well". I'm sure you will be fine now that you have recognized what you are facing. Lots of love & good energy to you!

As a thyroid cancer survivor (might I add that I have had it 3 times!!), let me just say that it sounds like thyroid to me. Just because the test says "normal" doesn't mean it is normal for you. Whenever I was getting too low a dose of thyroid replacement, I had depression symptoms. It took me a long time to figure it out. Go see an endocrinologist, for sure. And do whatever it takes to feel better. I take an anti-depressent along with the proper dose of Synthroid, and I am good as new! We are all thinking of you.

I read you every week but never really comment. I have 3 kids like you so I assume comments take up more time than you probably have. But I had to write you today to say that I'm rooting for you. You're so honest and vulnerable and I wish we were best friends that lived next door to one another so that I could help you through this. It doesn't matter how bad you want to not feel this way and be around others- it will be like walking through molasses to make it happen. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

My psyc teacher in college said that depressions stigma is so unfortunate b/c it's just like if you had a broken leg or cancer- nobody would walk into a room with someone with those issues and tell them to get over it, b/c that would be impossible. The same is true for any level of depression.

If you need anything or nothing- feel free to reach out to me. I'm always good for listening. Looks like you've got 67 other people to reach out to also, you're very blessed!

Take care, Andrea

Just remember that you're not alone. Not only do you have your family, but look how many blog readers are thinking about you! Hang in there and keep seeking treatment until you get what you need to feel better.

depression is the worst. it takes so much just to get out of bed, let alone be around other people. know that you are not alone and that everyone here is here for you. a lot of us, including myself, check everyday to see if you've posted. and just as many of us have gone through some of what you have/ are going through. we love you. from all the way across the country, from someone who has never met you in person and only emailed with you a few times, i love you. you're the most sincere, real person i have ever come in contact with. and believe it or not, you are inspirational to me... i'm sure i'm not alone on that as i see quite a few comments above from people who also love you and are inspired by you. you're a wonderful wife and mother as well as one of the most wonderful women on the planet. i hope that you feel better soon!

You are SO NOT annoying!! Whatever the reason for your depression, only people who have suffered from depression truly understand what you're going through. It's a sucky, sucky club we belong to, but I think it makes us more compassionate and understanding. I hate to hear how miserable you are, but just keep telling yourself that when the meds kick in you WILL feel better. This is NOT forever. My sister, who is one of the mose responsible people that I know, has Hashimoto's Disease and could have cared less about her 3 kids (all under age 8) for several months. I had to go to her house a few times a week to clean and make sure she and the kids were even eating. She didn't remember whole conversations or commitments. She had panic attacks while driving. But she's doing GREAT now. She gained some weight and has lost it again. Hang in there...it will get better!

Oh, one more thing...when I was depressed and having some serious anxiety attacks and going through the ugly cry several times a day, I would MAKE myself put on my sneakers and head out the door for a 10 minute walk. Anything. I would be in my pajamas, but I didn't give a shit. And cry all you want in the shower...feels good.

I'll be thinking about you!

You are never, never annoying! I stop by often to check in on you but I've never commented. I hope you continue to post about anything and everything you need to talk about. My issues aren't exactly the same but your writing speaks to my heart. When you write so honestly and openly you help your readers as much as your readers want to help you. Thank you.

Although sometimes it's very, very hard to do, going out with friends and family is the best thing you can do for depression (at least that's what helped me). It's when you are alone with your thoughts when things get messy. Stay strong.

I'm sorry. We'll be here whether you're writing about depression or toothfaced girls.

I rarely comment, but I've been reading every word since just before you were diagnosed, and each time I read I pray for you. I hope knowing that helps.

Of course we're still here, Y. We loooooove you. LOL.

PS: Hashimotos better not keep you from BlogHer. Or I'll kick Hashimoto in the ass. Seriously.

I to suffer from depression and it comes in waves sometimes. I could go a year or 2 without any major symptoms.
I do hope that you are on your way to keeping your head above the water, please know that you are in my prayers.

I've been reading your blog for a long time, your an awesome person, and remember everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle, this makes me feel better knowing this sometimes when things are getting rough, hang in there. :)

i understand and thank you for writing about it

I say good for you. You sound like you're fighting for yourself. Try to force yourself to go to a therapist...you recognize you need to. I too, am fighting depression, for the first time in my life. It's not to the same degree as what you describe, but it's enough that I have a great deal of feeling for what you're going through. Good luck...people are rooting for you. People care about you. Peace.

I've been battling depression for over 12 years since my youngest died, then 12 months later my mom. I had no signs of depression until the tragic events. I think I'll be on meds for ever because just when I think I'm doing okay, wham, something happens. I want you to know you are not alone. It is very hard to admit you need psychological help. It doesn't mean you're weak, it means you are strong enough to face the facts and get better. GO girl! Hugs.

I too have been through a depression like that. I thought there would never be anything else ever again. I too wanted to die. If I ever go through that again, I believe what will get me through it is knowing that if there was a light at the other end before, there would be again. You'll get through it to find joy again. You are doing the right thing, to get the help you need. And you are obviously so loved. What a wonderful MIL you have!

You are not annoying. You are honest and that is refreshing and FAR from annoying. Thank YOU.

"I really don't want to be here, but I'm here because I love you and I really, really need you right now."

Your words strike such a chord, my strong woman.

Did you know that you are one of those? An admirable one. Hang in there.

I'mma text over a "happy hash thursday" in just a couple days... wait for it, wait for it... ;-P

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, Y. We love you!

Thank YOU.
And I pray it gets better for you. Soon.
Now I want to bake you cookies.
Why do I always want to bake something for people who are suffering? That's gotta be some sort of psychological issue.

Keep trying, Y, keep pushing through. You're going to make it.

As you can see from the outpouring of comments, we all love you. You are still beautiful, even if your external self is being shat upon by your thyroid. You're an inspiration because you are seeking care for yourself - you're not sitting back and giving up.

I'm glad you're out there, even if I can't know you in real life. The world is better for having you in it.

((hugs)) I wish I could make it better. I am so glad you have realized and are willing to admit to the depression. Feel better soon, k?

Hiya,
Just wanted to drop my two cents. Depression sucks. A. Lot. You are doing the right thing by addressing the problem with yourself, being willing to seek help, and having the iron-clad cojones to put yourself out there, even if it's just one day, one hour, or one moment of time. Much love from a stranger. :)

You are anything but annoying. I am so proud of you for pulling yourself together and going to that party. I know what it feels like when it's almost physically painful just to cope on a daily basis and to feel as though you're swimming through jello. I check in everyday but rarely, if ever, comment. But I had to this time because you're simply amazing. You're doing the right thing in getting to the endocrinologist. Now get thyself to the therapist(s). Much love!

Love.

And good wishes.

I'm betting that writing about it is helping it. It does for me.

xox

Oh, hon. I'm sorry I haven't been reading and commenting much and I'm more sorry that you're going through such a rough time. However, I'm really glad that you know what's causing it and and you're going to do something about it, rather than let it go on.

Also, I have a confession... when I first read the "blotchy faced" line, I totally thought it said, "bitchy faced" and I laughed out loud. Then I laughed more when I realized what a dumbass I am for reading it wrong.

It's NOT boring for us to read about how things are going with you. We CARE about you, which is weird to say about someone I've never met, but we do! So please keep coming here and venting and writing and crying out, and we'll be here through the bad times just like we'll be here for the good. :)

I wished you lived near me. I would totally drive to your house every day and give you a hug. I seriously wish I could be as courageous as you are. The way you put yourself out there.

You are all kinds of wonderful! I love reading your blog and love that you are so honest. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully the depression will lift soon. HUGE HUG

Hi Y -
I check in time to time and wanted to add my big hugs. I think you're incredible and you've had enough shit sent your way. It's amazing how you can feel so bad yet still put your family first. You're an inspiration. I hope to see you again sometime soon. We love you at MomLogic!

Ya know what Y?
Sure the depression may be caused by the thyriod ok but please also consider what you have been through this past year. It could very well be a little post stress depression. I know you held it together during the transition of moving, car accidents, your crazy neighbor and your neck pain etc. I though geez give this girl a break she can't take much more... but you just kept chugging a long.... maybe it is all catching up with you now?
Just a thought...

And I hope you know that there are tons of others (like me) who make the mistake of not saying anything supportive because we can't think of anything wise or profound to say ... but are thinking of you, and hoping the best for you.

What Kristie said.

totally what kristie said. i confess to missing the fart-talk :) but most of all i hope you will get through this and feel better again soon! *hugs*

Y,
You never bore us with your stories. We worry about you and when you do not post that is when I worry about. Keep your chin up you are a WONDERFUL person .... ***hugs***

Y, many of us are here for the long haul. We eat up whatever you may want to share with us via your blog. Yours is one blog that I keep coming back to day after day and I never regret it.

Depression runs in my family...take care of YOU, girl. Kudos for reaching out and realizing what help you may need. :)

I just hate that we feel ashamed of being depressed, I read so many increible blogs, the ones that make me feel and believe and laugh, then cry and it seems every writer of those blogs suffers from real depression, not your being abit sad depression, the eating away of the soul kind.
Even your posts about your illness and depression touch people, don't think for a moment that anyone is rolling their eyes or clicking their teeth at you, you are reaching people who can see that they are not the only one to feel so low and helpless.
My doctors have diagnosed me with chronic depression the meds won't help because HEY! Your life is actually shit! No tablets for that......so, hmmmm.......bugger.
I am absolutely right with you on the wanting to hide and not subject the world to my ugly, welted skin hideousness.....what stops me is knowing that if someone I adored hid from me because they thought I only loved them when they were thin and beautiful, I would be sadder than sad.
Let people Love you Y, you are so loveable and delicious, so funny and loved.
I was just in the kitchen ( cooking, a real meal for this evening, rather than eating, dear heaven!) dearest husband of mine walked in and said " Who's that out here singing?? You didn't go and get cheerful on me did ya?" Poor bugger, can't remember the last time I sang or cooked a real meal, not frozen, tasteless eat it and shut up food.

Long time reader, occasional commenter here-

Y, be proud of yourself seeking the help you need. It isn't easy to admit how you feel. Despite your fear you are forging ahead. You aren't hiding and you are searching for the solution. Pat yourself on the back and know that when you find the right people you will feel better and your life will get back on track. That will be the ultimate reward. You go girl!

And were gonna keep coming back Y. I've been thinking a lot about you and I truly hope that things improve and you canget back to enjoying life!

*hugs*

we all come back because we CARE. you are as much a straight shooter when you write about doing the worm, as you are when you write about depression. people tune in to that kind of authenticity, i think, because it can be so rare. remember that no one knows how to be YOU better than you do! much love

You are in my thoughts almost every day, Yvonne.

Hugs.

You are in my thoughts, Yvonne.

Hugs.

I just want to hug you and take you to Borders, then lunch and then I don't know just make it better for you.

Hugs

I hope you feel better soon, Y. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. Recognizing there is a problem and seeking help for it are the first steps to getting well. You will be in my thoughts.
Katie

Thanks so much for sharing that! You are very brave.

I think your attitude is just wonderful. To be able to step outside of your feelings and objectively do what is best for you takes so much strength, and I admire you for that.

Know that God loves you, and He is wrapping His arms around you. And I'm glad you are surrounded by people who love you, too!

Fellow inhabitant of depression land....I don't know what to write, other than I am deeply grateful for your honesty.

Y, I'm feeling for you, I too have thyroid problems. I'll always read your blog, I hope you get the much needed help you deserve, I think your great. I'm so glad to hear you went to the party, you need family members in your life Y. They love you no matter what, don't give up, you are such a special person, now get your butt to the doctor and feel better about yourself, we all love you! Hugs from Fort Worth! Tammy

Thank you for your continued bravery and courage. I don't know if I would have the guts to continue to blog if I were you, but you do and for that reason (and many others) you are an amazing woman. I look forward to reading your blog every day. And even though I'm just an internet reader, I am praying for you. You're strong--I know you will be triumphant.

I love you, Y.

Let me tell you why I love your blog, and posts like this:

I've spent the past few minutes (I'm lying, an hour at least) doing some blog surfing, and over and over again I've read all these posts about moms who have it all together (or at least seem to from their blogs), culminating with one blogger linking to this and talking about how she's following all the activities with her 3-year-old, to be echoed by a bunch of commertors saying they're doing to same:
http://www.houstonsahm.com/oldertoddlerweekschedule_fullyear.html

Then I come to your blog, and read about a real person who struggles with real problems speaking honestly about what's going on in her life. May I indulge in the Caps Lock key for a moment and say: HOW REFRESHING.

Thank you for your honesty, and keep up the good work.

Delurking. I'm proud of you for going to the party. I know how hard it was. And I'm glad your MIL was so supportive. I've got the depression/anxiety thang going myself and it sucks. I figure if we keep writing about it and talking about it, it can't swallow us, right? You're taking all the right steps and asking for help and being your own advocate during a time when it's so much easier to just lie on the couch. I'm proud of you. Hang in there. You've got lots of love and support IRL and around the blogosphere. OK, back to lurking.

2 awesome things: You plan to see a therapist to help with the depression & you got out of the house & spent time with your family. 2 positive steps! I'm proud of you.

You are the best, Yvonne. You are so brave and wonderful. We come back, because we care, you make us care. Don't worry you can never be too honest. My wish for you is that you find some resolution to this turmoil. Take care ((HUGS))

I've read your blog for some time but this is the first time I've commented. I suffer from depression as well and could not bring myself to admit until the day I had a panic attack and slammed on my brakes in the middle of rush hour on one of Detroit's busiest freeways.

I applaud your strength in admitting there's a problem and I wish you continued strength in dealing with it. *hugs*

And even though I don't comment, I'll always come back and check on you and your beautiful family.

I love you. I am greatful that you share you life with us, good and bad.

You don't know me...I lurk. However, I am sending much hugs your way. I visit your site often and fine so much in common with you even though on paper we could not be more different. Depression is a bitch and you definitely have a leg up since you recognize it. I hope and pray you feel better real soon.

Thanks for sharing Y. I look to your blog everyday to see if something new has been posted. I comment sometimes and I just wanted you to know that I think about you alot. I don't know you other than what you write, but it's so real it makes me feel not so alone in what I go through.

I'm a single mother of two boys whose father hasn't seen them in 4 months, of his own choosing. I find it harder and harder to get out of bed each morning and feel overwhelmed to be going through this alone. Just know that I'm pulling for you and hoping each day that you get a bit of sunshine to make you feel a bit better.

When I get tired, I go to bed and never get out. It's so hard, to pull yourself up, to put on pants and brush your hair. It's so hard to lift your arms to wash your hair. It's so hard to walk down the hall and put on shoes. Putting on makeup? seems pointless and ridiculous.

You are being honest and truthful about your life and what's going on in it. Keep doing that, keep getting it out, purging it before it festers and rots your soul and mind. We're here for you. We don't know you, we're not in your life every moment, but across the world..there are people who think of you every day, who read you and send a thought of hope and prayer to you. The internet can do horrible things, but things like this, in this moment it can do amazing things as well.

Sending you healing vibes, Y. Hang in there.

.........I've had that kind of depression. I'm so sorry you have it now. Wish I lived nearby (unless that creeps you out) to tell you what a difference you've made in my life with all your truth-telling. I LOVE that you speak your heart about good and bad things. I get so worn out and sick with all those that can never sit and listen to my hard things without needing to give me the "the silver lining". Life sucks sometimes and we are all better off when we have people who speak honestly about it and don't try to be all Pollyannaish about it.

So sorry this is where you are. Yup, that's about all I can say. Sorry it's so hard. Lots of love and prayers for you.

Oh, and what a wonderful thing for your MIL to be kind and loving. I'm going to remember that when my kids get married. People who can love without any judgement are a true miracle.

Thank God you have such a wonderful, loving family to support you. Every day do ONE thing that is just for you that would make you feel happy.
Force yourself to do things, even small things.
Take time to love youself, it is the MOST important thing you can do. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

damnit, stop making corn look so good.
it's enough already...you are making the rest of us look bad ;)

*love*

Y....

I can so relate to the depression. mine's not tied to anything other than bad family genetics/history, but damn it gets hard from time to time. Currently unmedicated...in a funk and considering remedicating, however.

(hugs)

I hope you feel better on all fronts very, very soon.

Hugs... wishing you all the best life has to offer, kick this depressions ass Y... and get on with living your life to the fullest.

Stay strong. I promise to keep reading!

You and all of your bravery and humor and beautiful honesty are one of the strongest people I know out there in the "internets," Y. Sending you much love and peace.

Feel comforted in the fact that there are so many out here reading and loving...

You are SOOOO courageous and I am so proud that you can let it all out. You will get through this because you have people around you who care. My husband recently witnessed my breaking point and send me to see someone and I was so thankful.

Stay strong.

Holy shit, a lot of people love you! I know I checked here this morning and there was nothing and now you have so many freaking comments!

Consider yourself hugged and adored:) People are much more likeable when they put their shit out there instead of covering it up with platitudes about some crap.

And you're still beautiful because your personality is so much better than most of the other million people I know:) By the way, I had a disgusting zit on my pubes this week. I hope that makes you feel better. LOL You're the only one I've told. It was massive!

I'm so glad you decided to take action and get psych. help as well as muthuh-hashing help. As you know, you have to be kind of aggressive with your own treatment since doctors don't know it all and don't talk to each other. Ask for printouts with medical lingo from each doc to give to the other, since the drugs for each condition both obviously have psych FX and you need to get the types and dosages right in combination. BTW I've been there depression-wise as well (you can read about it here: http://theyak.blogspot.com/2006/11/what-it-is-like.html). Just take care of yourself and know that there are thousands of people out there in Bloggerville who care about you.

Hang in there!! I suffer from depression also, as well as anxiety. Don't give up! K? :o)

I had thyroid cancer and completely understand what a pain in the ass the thyroid can be. Any problems with it wreak havoc on your entire body and mind. Good luck sorting this out, and if there is anything I can do please let me know!

Tori reminded me of my issue - a bulging lump in my throat that was very visible to all, including my doctor, who sortakinda blew it off as nothing to worry about...push came to shove, I asked for the name of an endocrinologist - went to him, got three or four biopsies of this lump which came back 'indiscriminate" meaning not a cause for concern...told me i had the option of removing it because it WAS obvious and though it did not demand surgery, there was question enough to warrant insurance paying for it and it wasn't just cosmetic. I chose the surgery even though the biopsies didn't show malignancy. Surgeon removes thyroid, he tells me it looked fine. Two weeks later after the lump is biopsied they tell me it WAS cancerous.
Every case is different obvioiusly. But the only advice that should be taken seriously for ANY patient is to be your own advocate and demand answers until your gut quits nagging you that something is wrong.

Hello from one of your faithful readers. I'm sorry to hear about your depression, but happy that you have such a loving and supportive mother-in-law. You really do need to be surrounded with the love of family right now rather than isolating yourself. You're in my thoughts.

I have never met anyone else who suffered from panic attacks...your words have comforted me. I feel less alone. Thank you for all the posts you write about what you go through...you truly have helped keep me in check with my own struggles. Take care and my thoughts are with you.

Okay, admittedly I'm a corny person, but I didn't think what you said was corny at all. I appreciate when people are not afraid to go beneath surface level and be emotionally vulnerable. And I have never once thought it was annoying or irritating to read about your struggles. The only frustration is not being able to help in any way.
I am wicked proud of you for going to your neice's bday party. I will say a prayer for you...I hope things are looking up soon.

I love you, Yvonne.

vonnie, i went thru a major depression several years ago. i was off of work for three months, in therapy & on meds. and the panic attacks! i would hyperventilate and get sick to my stomach just thinking about getting out of the house and going to work. i know it's tough. you need the people who love you, you need to talk, but it's so hard to get them to listen to the same thing over & over again. fortunately, my best friend had been thru the same thing & she let me talk as much as i needed to, even if it was the same damn thing every day. and sometimes, it's hard to believe that people will love you even when you're so miserable. but they do. i'm glad that you're looking at things so much clearer this time, and able to recognize what you need. that's a huge step, girl. anyway, i do understand and i'm here if you need to call or IM.

i really wish i would have thought about blogging before i started, and let everyone i know in real life know about what i was doing online.

i can't give details as to why, but i really get something out of coming to visit your site. i really admire your ability to put all these words and feelings out where even baby jesus can see them.

you are an amazing woman, and you will make your way through all this. in the meantime, thank you for sharing the journey with all of us. i know you get a lot of supportive comments...but you know, for every supportive comment that you get, there must be at least ten other people who read and say nothing.

you reach a lot of people.
and that is priceless.

It's true. I do hate reading these entries. It kills me that you're so sad. And every time I read these things, I just want to give you a hug and make sure everything turns out alright.

Every day I hope to see that things are getting better, and I keep coming here because I know eventually they will. 'Cause I want happy Y back.

But trust me, I could never be annoyed at you. I'm really impressed at how openly you can share such personal problems. And I'm really proud.

I'm glad you said all this outloud Y. You're one of my favorite blogs to read and I've become quite attached to you, your life and your wacky sense of humor. Please take care of yourself and reach out. Not just virtually - you need some real-life connection and help.

You can do this. You CAN do this. YOU CAN DO THIS.

((Squishy hugs and girl power))

Well psh, as if we could even stop reading if we tried! You're one of the most magnetic writers I have ever come across on the Internet, whether you're writing stuff that makes me laugh so hard I snort, or makes me cry like a baby. Yours is the first blog I check every morning, as well. True story!

I understand that you're going through some terrible struggles in your life right now, and I think I speak for most people when I say, we'll be here for you, and we will be so overjoyed when you pull through this. Best of luck, sweetheart.

I love you, Y. You can get through this.

I am with you! I am on depression medication but cut back for the last year & a half as we have been trying to have kids. Well after many Dr. appts, we have still not gotten pregnant. I am so depressed right now. It is only 11:30 in the morning and I have cried 3 times at work today. I think tomorrow I need to call in sick and stay in bed. It is all getting to be too much!

I don't post that often anymore, but I do read to keep up. Love you, Y. You keep fighting and it will work itself out. I promise! (((hugs)))

Delurking to comment. I've been reading your blog for over a year? and just felt I had to comment. I feel like I know you even though we have never met, but just want you to know that you are like a friend (weird?) and you are in my prayers. You can pull through this, with the help of the people that love you. Hang in there!!

Love you.

Abby, (3 above me) I don't know if you will read this, but if you do, please email me. PLEASE! I have so much been in your position and my heart breaks for you.

My Gosh, am i so weird for doin that ?

Shower scene? Me at least twice a week. Oh, how I do relate.

Just wanted to tell you, while we're being extra cheesy here, that I discovered your blog almost 3 years ago, and I've read every entry since. I had a 3rd baby (surprise!) last August, so I don't comment much anymore, but I just want you to know that I enjoy your writing SO MUCH, no matter what you write about. I feel like I know you - my husband is also now VERY CLEAR on the meaning of "squish the foam" (thanks, Y).

You are sooo brave. Thank you for using your blog for just the good things in life but the hard topics as well, my prayers are with you!!!

btw, i think sniffing baby heads is GREAT THERAPY and i expect you to report for your therapy in july @ blogher. just sayin'. *hugs*

I have your blog sent to my Google reader and have been reading for a while now. It has distressed me no end to hear how hard you have to fight to get the treatment you obviously need. Also, I understand about the depression. I went to my doctor this week, after putting it off for months, to ask for anti-depressants - something I swore I would never need again. It's tough now, but I know it is the best thing for myself and those I love. Do whatever you need to do to look after yourself, so that you can then take care of your family. I shall keep reading, keep my fingers crossed that things improve, and keep sending best wishes across the ocean to you.

Sending you a big hug Y. I have been there.

Hey, Y. I can't wait for the day I come back here to read that you've turned the corner. You're a sweet lady and you've got a lot of us in your corner. Thank you for being your honest, open, kickass self! Love and kisses from Kentucky!!

It must be so frustrating, dealing with the tyroid crap that impacts every, single, aspect of your life.

I appreciate your honesty, candor and wit during what must be an intensely difficult period and you are doing more for others than you know. Your outlook is inspirational and I love how you are trying to do things differently than you did last time. That in and of itself is evidence of strength and progress.

I wish you all the best.

Never posted before and I know you already have a ton of messages of support but just wanted to let you know that there's no need to feel bad about posting your true emotions. Believe me, I'll take honesty over the stupid "my life is wonderful, my husband is the best, my children are gifted, etc. etc. " crap. (Not that your husband isn't great and that your kids aren't gifted!) You're telling your life like it is and while I wish it were better for for you, I commend you for facing it all head on. Good luck to you!

Amy

I just wanted you to all know that I have read each of your comments (and emails!) and I thank you for the love and support.

You are wonderful.

Hany in there, Y!!!! I don't comment often, but read you all the time. You ARE wonderful, and the internet LOVES you, too.

Y -
I have been reading your blog for a couple of years. You even sent me an e-mail one time (because we have both been married the same number of years, etc). I wish we were closer friends, because I would TOTALLY give you my phone number and talk to you after our kids went to bed! You are depressed, girlfriend, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. If you feel like replying,
please do! I have been there and would like to lend a hand to a sista!
Take Care!

Angie

Oh, I hear you. Feeling depressed is, well, depressing...to say the least. Most days mine is pretty well under control, (thank GOD for SSRIs), but when it isn't, it feels so awful. Good for you in being able to post your thoughts and feelings honestly - it takes courage. I don't know if it makes you feel better to know that you're not alone (that's a trite thing to write and it probably DOESN'T make you feel better right now) but the honesty and openness of others who have left comments about their own struggles with depression is helpful, I think. Good to know that none of us is unique in this when we're feeling the "crazies." I'm not using that term lightly because I have certainly had times where I felt like I was and thought "I cannot let others know about this because I really AM crazy." But I'm not - and neither are you. Please take care.

Hang on hang on hang on hang on! I adore your blog and your writing, and am wishing you good health and happiness. Just keep writing and take it a day at a time. Cliche? Maybe, but from the looks of it you have lots of people out there that are going to help you pull through!

172 comments later and I know you won't read this but chica? I totally know what you're going through. This will pass. Take your meds and keep on trucking and soon this will all go away. Now you tell me the same thing, okay?

been there, done that, will hold your hand the whole way. it wasn't so long ago that i posted my own "depression confession". i just got tired of pretending or trying to pretend that it wasn't there. i realize it is a disease that i will have to monitor my whole life. for some reason, knowing that and accepting that has made it a little easier.