I want you to know that the kind messages left here have been a great comfort to me. The last two days have been the most emotionally exhausting days of my life. The pain I feel from the death of Grandpa is overwhelming at times. Especially when I have to comfort my children whose hearts are broken by the loss. I am also dealing with anger about his final hours. I can't erase the picture from my mind of my Grandpa laying in his bed, unresponsive, turning BLUE and my aunt saying "He's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! We don't need to call 911. He's just reeeeeeeaaaally sleepy from the pain medication!" (Translation: Let's just let him die here in his bed due to lack of oxygen because I'm tired of taking care of him and hey! He wanted to die in his bed anyway!) My siblings wouldn't stand for her Crazy, so we called 911 shortly after we arrived so that he could get the treatment he needed and die in peace and comfort.
I'm SO ANGRY about it. But mostly sad. Sad that he's gone. Sad that it happened the way that it did. Sad that people could be so cruel. Sad that my last memory of him is so devastatingly horrific.
My Grandma has chosen to have him cremated. There will be a graveside, military funeral next Thursday. (He had a purple heart from WW2. His tank was struck by a missile, he was the last one to make it out before the tank was struck, but he was severely wounded by the shrapnel.) Having to wait a week to bury is tough, but I look forward to that day so we can lay him to rest and life can get back to normal around here.
I feel for you, Y. Letting go of a person you love is so, so hard.