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June 29, 2009
You know things aren't good when you're crying over french toast.

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Yesterday was one of the most beautiful mornings I can remember.

The sky was a perfect shade of blue, the clouds were white as cotton. The air was crisp and cool, but the sun was shining brightly. It was breathtaking, really.

I pushed back the curtains to let the rising sun light up the house. I opened every window in the house at 6:30 in the morning to let the cool, fresh air in. I sat in front of the window, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting to catch my breath. It felt good to sit there, to relax and enjoy the moment.

I'm having a rough time right now. I won't elaborate except to say I'm feeling overwhelmed with things.

I'm doing the best that I can-- using techniques that I learned to deal with anxiety and stress. It helps get me through each day.

And really, right now, that's what I'm doing. Just trying to get through each day, hoping each night as I lay my head on my pillow to go to sleep that tomorrow is the day I don't have to remind myself to breathe.


Posted by Y at June 29, 2009 11:06 PM
Comments

So sorry. Lurker usually, just wanted to I hope it gets better soon.

Posted by: LPC at June 30, 2009 12:07 PM

Thinking good thoughts for you.

Posted by: Barbara Molleur at June 30, 2009 12:11 PM

I hope you have a better time of it soon. I have my own struggle looming and when I start to feel the fingers of dread tickling my neck I just remind myself how lucky I am in so many other ways. hugs. S

Posted by: Shannon at June 30, 2009 12:14 PM

I'm sorry for the soggy french toast. I hope it gets less overwhelming soon.

Posted by: patois at June 30, 2009 12:18 PM

Hang in there Y. Things will get better.

Posted by: Lisa at June 30, 2009 12:20 PM

I hope things are better for you soon.

During difficult times, I try to savor the small, peaceful moments so I can get through the rough stuff.

Posted by: MariaV at June 30, 2009 12:22 PM

Oh, Y. I'm sorry your'e having a hard time. I wish I could help in some more profound way, but I am holding you and yours in my heart. I think you're pretty great.

Posted by: Kristin at June 30, 2009 12:36 PM

I remember realizing that I was officially Losing It when I got depressed over my broken ice maker.

Sorry, Y. Hang in there.

Posted by: Aunt Becky at June 30, 2009 12:37 PM

{{hugs}} Y. Hang in there. Thinking of you. Hoping & praying the pressure eases soon.

Posted by: Jess at June 30, 2009 12:40 PM

I am right there with you. Deep breath...let it out...go punch the wall ;) I hope it all gets better for both of us soon.

Posted by: Julie at June 30, 2009 1:10 PM

((hug))

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at June 30, 2009 1:15 PM

Hang in there.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Author Profile Page at June 30, 2009 1:16 PM

'Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting to catch my breath.'

That is how my anxiety makes me feel. I hate it.

I'm sorry that things are overwhelming, I know how that feels. Like you said you just have to keep moving forward and pray that it continues to improve.

Posted by: Mary Jo at June 30, 2009 2:45 PM

I love you Y! If you ever need to vent, I'm here. Anxiety is my everpresent heckler. I work hard to kick its ass. Sometimes, just letting it all out to a friend can help. Or laughing. Or screaming. Whatever. I'm here.

Posted by: Lex - @laprimera at June 30, 2009 3:11 PM

Take care, sweet girl.

Posted by: anne nahm at June 30, 2009 3:46 PM

I believe in you! I hope things get better for you, and that you have someone(s) that you can talk to about it all and have lots of personal immediate support!

Posted by: JenniferB at June 30, 2009 5:33 PM

I understand. Been there a lot lately. (((hugs)))

Posted by: TeacherMommy at June 30, 2009 5:50 PM

I love you. I feel that's where I am too. I believe in you and know that I'm here. xoxo

Posted by: perksofbeingme at June 30, 2009 6:22 PM

Sometimes just getting through the day is victory enough. As a wise person once said, this too shall pass (hopefully). And here's hoping you can continue to find the beautiful in a perfect summer morning.

Posted by: Jill at June 30, 2009 6:23 PM

I hope things lighten up soon.

Posted by: Midwest Mommy at June 30, 2009 8:19 PM

My french toast makes EVERYONE cry.

Happy thoughts, dear.

Posted by: Craig Boone at June 30, 2009 8:47 PM

Eventually (hopefully soon) it WILL be that day where breathing comes naturally.

Posted by: Kay at July 1, 2009 12:02 AM

Ugh, The Anxiety. Just when you think you're coping fine, it sneaks up and bites you on the butt. Whenever this happens to me, I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time. That for the unforeseeable future, you will feel panicked, often times not knowing why, and it sucks. But that eventually, you will come out of it. And you’ll look back and think, “I did it again.” And you’ll be proud. :)

Not saying it’s easy, but it’s the only way I can get through it. Thinking good thoughts for you.

Posted by: Courtney at July 1, 2009 9:19 AM

I hear you.

There's a great article in this month's issue of Good Housekeeping. It has a picture of a box of chocolates on the first page - can't remember what it's entitled - but it's about dealing with stress and worry. (Something I have battled my whole life.)

One part that talked about worrying caught my attention. It said something like, "...I realized that I was stepping out of my life that was beautiful, healthy and whole, and entering a nightmare of my own making." I kinda went WOW. That's what I do every time I worry.

I'm not saying YOU'RE doing that, just saying it's a great article if you are (or anyone here is) suffering from anxiety. Might want to check it out.

Hugs to you.

Posted by: Baby Favorite at July 1, 2009 11:00 AM

xo

talk w/ doc about beta blockers, if you need them? my thyroid medicine makes my heart race i hate it.

double xo

Posted by: Wacky Mommy at July 1, 2009 11:43 AM

I can relate to this in so many ways. Instead of crying, I worry incessantly, and knots form between my shoulder blades and I am unable to move.

Breathe. That is what I have been forgetting.

Posted by: Corina at July 1, 2009 11:45 AM

Hugs and love to you sister. Sad I won't see you for cheeseburgers in Chicago.

Posted by: Aimee Greeblemonkey at July 1, 2009 1:51 PM

Hugs. I hope things get better for you soon. More hugs.

Posted by: Zandor at July 1, 2009 1:54 PM

Just wanted to send you a little love and let you know I'm thinking about you. *hugs*

Posted by: Chibi Jeebs at July 1, 2009 9:29 PM

Though we don't know each other, I can relate to this kind of morning - life - and appreciate the experience in someone else's words.

(hug)

Posted by: Jessica - This Is Worthwhile at July 8, 2009 6:23 PM
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    About Y
    My name is Y, but you can call me "Jesse's girl." I am an Aerobic Dancer and have mastered many moves, but the one I am the most proud of is "The Monkey." I have three kids. ALL FROM THE SAME DAD (Because, did you know someone actually asked me that question?) A 16 year old son, a 12 year old son and a 4 year old daughter who was not planned but who is loved more than words could ever express. I am addicted to Starbucks, reality TV and to getting really good deals through coupons and "club member" savings (Please, respect The Costco Card.) I am extremely competive and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband about the time I sold him out to win a game of Taboo. If you're waiting for the part where I speak of my love for walks on the beach or slow dancing in the rain, you're going to be disappointed because my idea of a good time usually involves things like "burping contests" and "doing The Worm".

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