Sometimes I feel silly that I'm still talking about the loss of my Grandpa. Grandpas are supposed to die! It's part of life. I imagine somewhere, someone is reading and thinking "get over it! At LEAST YOU HAD A GRANDPA!"
I knew that he'd not be around forever, I knew one day I'd have to say good bye. But I had no idea how profound the loss of his presence in my life would be. There was no way to grasp how deeply it would hurt until he was gone.
This was our second Thanksgiving without my Grandfather.
Last year was hard. I was still very much grieving his death as he had only passed away a month earlier. It was the first time in my entire adult life that his chair was empty at the dinner table. It was the first time there wasn't anyone screaming "where's the turkey neck?" It was the first time I didn't get to wrap my arms around his neck and tell him Happy Thanksgiving.
This Thanksgiving, I didn't cry. Not a single tear was shed. Didn't mean that I missed him any less than I did last year. Last Thanksgiving I was too caught up in the grief of the loss to feel anything other than sadness. This year the finality of his absence in my life smacked me straight in the heart. But so did the gratitude for having been blessed with 37 wonderful years with my him in my life.
How lucky I was.
How lucky I continue to be.
I may not ever hear his laughter again, I may not ever hug him again. I may never see his smile again. But I understand now that I can still carry the memories, the love, the laughter with me throughout the rest of my life. It's different not having him around to share those things with, but the memories are magical in their own way.
I've have finally come to peace with his death and for that, I am truly grateful.
The Family, Thanksgiving, 2009
That is seriously an awesome photo -- loving, silly, and all together! I routinely say that I'll take pictures with the kids (instead of just of them) as soon as I put on makeup, etc., but I just don't do it. I promise I'll take more pictures that show that I love my kids and we are a happy family -- thanks for reminding me (maybe accidentally, natch) that I need to do that!