This made me all sniffly. You are so right. SO. VERY. RIGHT.

*hugs*

Nice job Mama.

P.S. Did your husband read this post and did it help him understand?

Yay! I have a very emotional and prone to outbursts, including punching her 8yo sister in the face, 6yo daughter. I started asking her if she needed a hug when she was acting like a brat. 99% of the time she says yes, we snuggle, and the fit is over. And while we snuggle, I gently talk to her about how it's okay to be upset, but not okay to hurt other people with words or fists. Great minds think alike!

Oh, I know this.

My son has these problems sometimes and my husband can't understand the be patient, wait, consider the circumstances before you blow approach. It works, but it is really, really hard to do some days.

You did great, mama!

Awww- that is a really sweet post! I need to remember that for when my children are acting up and my patience is very thin. Life is too short - I need to have more patience with them. And do you really make strawberry juice??

Takes a special kind of patience to do that. My husband wakes me up at 4:30 some mornings and there are days, even as an adult, where I want to say mean things when I'm that tired.

Good work. Go make that girl some strawberry juice.

AMEN. And it doesn't just apply to 5-year-olds kids, either. ;-)

You are very right! I've found that the same thing works with my six year old daughter. After she knows she's loved and understood, she's so much more likely to realize that her behaviorwas inappropriate and be sorry for it than if I were to just yell at her. Love always wins!

Wow...is all I can say. What an amazing post. Your family is lucky to have you.

Works with grandchildren too! Love your blog!

I truly admire you. As a mom of a 5 year old (I think ours are like one day apart), I KNOW how much patience and true love that took. Congrats on being a wonderful Mama.

Good call, Mama!

Good job. I admire the way you handled that. I need to keep this post in mind in the future before I blow up.

Funny how that sweet syrupy non reaction gets more than yelling. I try to remember that, but you know how it is when you're in the heat of the moment.

What a wonderfully poignant post. I loved everything you wrote about in here, and I wholeheartedly concur. You handled that situation so beautifully, and I'm beaming with admiration. Thank you for this :)

I didn't expect this post to make me weep in the middle of the library. Oy! :P Way to go, you made the right choice and I think you get super parent points for it :)

Thanks for posting this, Y. It's actually something I really needed to hear. I have a soon to be 3 year old son (in just a couple of weeks! eek!) and am pregnant with twins. And it seems like with the combination of his typical (and expected!) behavior of pushing buttons at 3 and my super pregnancy hormones I have not been the most attentive Mommy. Maybe today when he starts his button pushing I'll just give him a hug. :)

thank you for this...sometimes I need to remember that too :)

*sniff*
You're awesome. :) I hope I'm half as in tune with my baby girl...

I'm kind of an asshole if I read a blog late at night while getting ready to go to bed, so I didn't comment last night initially, but your twitter post about spam reminded me I meant to come back.

I love these times of perfect motherhood clarity when you realize you did exactly right for your child. They're not always around for me to recognize like you did here.

I think this is particularly poignant for me because I have a 5-year-old daughter who does act in much the same way if her schedule is thrown off or the wind blows wrong or she's having a bad hair day.

So good job, mama! Hugs, FTW! :)

Your post couldn't have been timed better! I read it yesterday afternoon and last night my daughter had one of her worst melt downs ever. I could tell that she was exhausted, so instead of time out I gave her a big hug and snuggled with her for a few minutes. I know that this is what is needed (I'm a pediatric nurse practitioner and tell my patients this all the time), but when I'm tired and fed up it's hard to remember. Thanks for reminding me just in time!

I agree and I wish I had realized it when my oldest daughter was younger.

Maybe Im just having a super emotional day but your post made me cry!!!!! Youre such a good mommy. Hugs!

Reading this post was like re-living a day out of our every-day lives. My daughter has done the same thing, my husband has done the same thing, and we have the same reactions...

All I can say here is that I'm nodding along as I read...

So So So true. Everybody needs a hug sometimes.

I don't have children, but I have been raising my niece on my own since she was 12. She is 17 now.

As I was reading your story, I was surprised that you didn't deal with the way she spoke to her father. It is not okay to be disrespectful no matter how tires or cranky you are. If we could, I would be out of a job.

I am not sure how old your daughter is because I just started reading your blog, but at what age do parents not solve crankiness with a hug and let them know it is not okay?

Having said that - I appreciated the parenting lesson. I think sometimes I tend to jump too quickly to 'you show me respect!'...instead of 'let me show you some love."

Thanks for your story.

Aurelia,

I appreciate your comment.

Of course it wasn't okay. And we DID deal with it. I just didn't think it would solve anything to fight her frustration and anger with the same type of behavior. After she had rested, we dealt with what she had said to her father.

I don't really have a parenting philosophy except this one: When they're the most unlovable, that's when they need the most love.

Thank you for the reminder... I sometimes miserably fail at that whole perspective/patience thing (ANNOYED!) because I am tired too (ANNOYED!).

I think you just made me a better parent ...at least for the next few days when I remember that 4 year olds are just cranky and mean sometimes (ANNOYED!) but so are we. And that we can control it and they can't. (SO ANNOYED!)

I know from experience how hard it was for you to stop your work and take care of that, too, when it would have been so easy to snap at her and go back to what you were doing. Good job. Who knows? That might end up being one of those moments she remembers for the rest of her life- and aren't you glad you turned it into a good one?

It is so hard to remember this when you are in the middle of things. So hard.

I really think that there's a time and a place for everything, including discipline.

Disciplining an exhausted child rarely gets the desired results... in the case of my son, it actually makes things worse ("You hate me! I am soooooo tired, and you're being mean to me!" Etc.).

I also cuddle my son to sleep, and when he wakes up refreshed and happy, THEN I tackle the kid and make him beg for mercy and be very VERY sorry (not really. I just talk to him).

Amen.

This is the one thing I should do, but haven't yet mastered. In fact, I suck at it. I'm bad at it when my kid is bratty, and I'm TERRIBLE at it when my wife is in a bad mood. Nice to read this and know that it works. Thanks for shining this tidbit of light for me.

YES. And one thing Laurel and I do when we're totally at each other is declare a truce. Literally, sometime Laurel will stick her hand out and say "Truce mommy?" And it immediately makes me forget whatever it was we were fighting about.

A beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sometimes it's so so hard to step back and realize that little ones just can't always control their emotions... especially when they are exhausted. Good for you for taking the patient route to solving an emotional moment.

Oh goddamn it, you...this...her...

You know.

Thank you.

Oh wow, this is an amazingly written post! I have had many moments just like this in my own life. It is so hard to see past the tantrums and how mad they make you, but when you do and you have the moment of magical connection - wow it is awsome. That is what makes you a good mom (I don't know you personally, but a good mom is able to see to the heart of the matter and work from instincts, as you did)

I found your blog from your twitter account and I am glad I did! You are an amazing writer and talented photographer too!

"Today I learned that sometimes when our children push us away the hardest is when they need our gentle, loving arms to hold them close to us the most."

I'm 35 years old. I wonder when my parents will realize this....:(