You know what?
Oprah's new season SUCKS THE BIG ONE.
It's no secret I pretty much hate Oprah for many reasons, good reasons, I might add. Reasons like making people who aren't trillionaires like herself feel like there's something wrong with them if they have mismatched towels. (Did y'all catch that show in which Nate had redecorated Jerry O'Connell's house and she was going OFF about his mismatched towels and said something really stupid like "You can tell a lot about a person from the way their towels look." and I was like YEAH, BITCH, by mine, you can tell that my family lives off of ONE very, extremely modest income and that money is used to FEED AND CLOTH the THREE HUMAN BEINGS I pushed out of my vagina, whilst pooping in the nurses hand in front of my mother in law, I might add and that I don't be havin' no freaking extra dollar bills to buy egyptian towels, HO") Or if they use "fake flowers" to decorate. The woman grew up poor and is going to make people feel like shit because they have mismatched towels?
Girl, please.
All of that said, I secretly watch her shows because, I think for the most part (Oprah's favorite things NOT included because, Good God, MAKE THE SCREAMING WOMEN STOP) her show is still the best talk show out there.
But not this year. This year? I get TV rage when I watch. Like, I WAITED ALL DAY TO WATCH YOU TALK TO KELLY CLARKSON?! Or to Sarah Jessica Parker about shoes that I can't afford? Or to Usher about HIS FAVORITE CHOCOLATE CAKE?
What? she's too good to talk to Non Celebrity Folk now? Celebrities don't get enough damn attention, now Oprah has to chat with them every day and we have to listen to them everyday?
Ok, once in a while she'll throw a token "real life story" in there, but for the most part? It's all celebrity all the time, and I'm sorry , but I just don't give a shit about "Matthew Fox's favorite restaurant in Hawaii."
Hey Oprah?
Suck it. And while you're at it? Kiss Our Truck.
