Monthly Archives: December 2002

how the neck ruined christmas.

my grandma ruined my grandpa’s christmas.

she “lost” the neck of the turkey, which is my grandpas favorite part. this was the conversation that had me on the floor laughing.

g’pa: (yelling) “wilma, where’s the neck?”

g’ma:(yelling back) “one minute ray, it’s right here, gimme a second, would ya?”

g’pa: “hurry up woman, i want my neck”

Long Pause…

g’ma:”wait, it was right here, where’d it go?”

me: “grandma, where did what go?”

g’ma: “the neck”

me: “what, you lost the neck? it’s got to be here somewhere.”

g’pa: (yelling again) “what do you mean you lost the neck”

g’ma: (yelling back) hold your horses ray, i just saw it, it’s around here somewhere”

(yes, people, my grandma was looking for the turkey neck that she swore she just saw 2 seconds ago. haha)

g’pa: “what are you talking about woman, you mean you lost it? where could it have gone?”

me: “grandpa, don’t yell at her, it’s just a turkey neck! relax! let her finish cutting the turkey, it will show up”

g’pa: “it better show up, that’s my favorite part of the turkey”

well, she never found it. no one knows what the heck happened to it. but i do know that was the funniest thing ever. my grandpa walked around the whole day saying stuff like “leave it to wilma to ruin my day and lose the neck”

oh. my. god.

and you wonder why i’m a freak?

martha stewart, i’m not.

i wonder. is there really any one sitting next to the great fun, presents all wrapped, sipping hot cocoa, listening to nat king cole singing the christmas song while the smell of the cookies baking in the oven fills the air?
if so, i’m jealous because i’m sitting here, house torn apart, presents still unwrapped, hell, some still UN-bought, eating some food from jack in the box while listening to eminem.

merry freakin’ christmas!

boys.

i love the mornings when my boys crawl into bed with me. just think, two of the cutest little boys ever created laying next to me, cuddling. there is nothing sweeter. but then they start talking and the sweetness is gone. this morning i aksed ethan if he wanted a robot for christmas. he says “heck no”. so i tell him how cool it is because you can tell the robot what to do… this is the conversation that follows.
andrew “yah, you can tell him to grab his balls”
ethan *giggle* “yah, i’ll say, touch your nards you stupid robot”
andrew “or you can say pick your butt”
ethan “yah, pick your butt and smell your fingers”
andrew “hahaha, yah, and what if he has poop on his chonies because he didn’t wipe good.”
me “THAT’S IT, OUT OF MY BED, I’VE HAD ENOUGH”
boys.
then they grow into men and instead of nards and balls, it’s tubesteak and fur burgers.
hey, but at least i don’t have to deal with growing boobs and periods, right?

it never rains in southern california

i got so excited this morning when i looked out and saw it had started to rain. of course, it only rained for a few minutes and i don’t even think you can call it rain, it was more of a drizzle.
i miss the rain, it’s been so dry here. i want it to pour down rain. i love the rain. when it rains, i love to lay on the sofa by the window and listen to the rain fall from the roof onto the ground below. i love to get in my car and drive around when it’s pouring rain. i love seeing the water rush down the street, the puddles. or watching people who forgot their umbrellas as they run for cover to get into their cars.
i love watching my kids play in the rain. i let them go outside when it’s pouring. they run around and scream or jump in the puddles. i love when they pick up sticks and leaves and stand at the edge of the curb, drop the stick into the water running down the street and watch the water carry it out of sight. i used to do that. i used to wish i had a little boat i could get into and just let the water carry me away.
rain *sigh* i miss it and i hope that it starts pouring down any second now!

hide the lighter fluid and matches

this is a conversation (if you can call it that) i just had with my husband.

“ok, i know i have no right to talk because i didn’t go with you to pick it out, but… this is the ugliest effing christmas tree that i have ever seen. how the hell am i supposed to decorate this piece of crap? didn’t you noticed there was like a whole section missing from the tree right in the middle and that it’s totally lopsided? how the hell am i supposed to hang lights from it if there are no branches in the middle of the damn tree?

his response?

“damn right you have no right to talk, i told you to come help me pick it out.”

i can’t really argue with that, but come on! he couldn’t tell half the damn tree was missing? *deep breaths* think it’s time to stop looking at the tree and watch my thug work out video.

thank heaven for little boys

well, i wasn’t alone after all. the boys were supposed to stay the night with my mom, but i called her and told her not tonight, i just didn’t want to be alone.
we watched frosty the snowman together. it was sweet and i loved every minute of it. i remember that feeling i would get when i was little and we’d watch the christmas cartoons together as a family. it was the most exciting feeling, because i knew christmas was just a few days away. now i’m sitting here watching my children experience that excitement. it doesn’t get any better than that.
i just finished tucking them in bed and i took a few pictures before i kissed them goodnight. seriously, how could i ever live without these wonderful little guys?

just what i needed

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today i spent some much needed time with my family. it’s been a long time since all four of us have gone out together for some good old fashion fun. i can’t tell you how much we all needed it.
it didn’t start off on a good note. ethan was tired from a sleep over last night and when that kid is tired there is NO reasoning with him. he was crying because he wanted to go to chuck e cheeses and we wanted to surprise them and take them to a mini amusement park. he cried for what seemed like hours, until we finally convinced him that he was going to have fun.

once there we had an amazing time. i have to let you all know, i have the funniest, most entertaining kids that ever lived. argue if you want, but i’m telling you, my kids are hilarious. here is a bit of advice andrew gave ethan about how to fight the funny feeling you get when you’re going down the hill on a roller coaster. “ethan, just make that face like when you’re taking a crap and grunt really loud, like when you’re crapping.” i’m so proud. so wise.

when we were finished on one ride, they didn’t unlock the bars fast enough and andrew freaked out and screamed “OH MY GOD, WE’RE STUCK!” meanwhile, ethan was busy checkin out the ladies. there were some little girls there in cheer leading outfits and he said “”you can see their underwear when they bend over, ya know?” thank you for sharing ethan, i’m sure your dad is so proud.

that time with my husband and kids is just what i needed. i was reminded of what is important in my life. i am loved. i have love all around me. i just have to be more aware of it and appreciate what i have, not dwell on what i can’t have. just to let go and enjoy what’s around me. i watched ethan on one of the rides, he threw his hands up in the air and looked up towards the sky. i snapped a picture and looking at it i think to myself that is how i want to feel. i just want to enjoy every minute of my life i know i will struggle, but i’m going to fight it with all i have. my family is worth the fight. hell, i’m worth it. i deserve to be happy. don’t we all?

i need a happy pill

i’m having one of those days. one of those days i dread. i see everything in a negative light. i intentionally push the ones i love away from me, i don’t deserve their love. i try to fight feeling this way, but it overwhelms me and i don’t know how to overcome it. i want to crawl in bed, but i keep going. i fold clothes, do dishes, listen to happy music, but inside i cry. does one ever truly recover from depression? i know i am much better than i was before, but this illness crept into my life and it took over my mind like cancer.
i remember the year i wouldn’t even go outside of my house. i was so sick, i felt like a monster that no one could love. i felt ugly and i didn’t want people to see me like that. i refused the medication because i was afraid of becoming dependant on it. then one day i just decided i didn’t want to live like that and got off my ass and started to live again. it wasn’t easy. i had to make right with alot of my friends that i had pushed away. i had to lose the weight i had gained. it was hard work, but i did it and i felt like a new person, well, i should say i felt like myself again.
but those feelings are still there, in the back of my mind and on days like this, they start to take over. it scares me to death because i don’t ever want to be that way again. but right now, at this very minute, i don’t know how to fight it. i took out pictures of my kids, i’m looking at them. i made an appointment to see my doctor today at 1:30, but i’m fighting not cancelling it. then i look at the picture of my boys and think i should do it for them, right?
will i ever just be myself again? or will i always fight these feelings of worthlessness and sadness? i don’t know.