Missing you.

Auntie, I miss you.
I was trying to go to sleep and everytime I closed my eyes I would see your beautiful smile. And then I could hear you singing to me. Remember the song you used to sing to me? I do. I will never forget it.
I miss your phone calls, I miss you telling me like it was, telling me to get off my ass and do something about my problems, I miss your visits on the holidays. I miss your letters. I miss your laugh. I just miss you.
I am sorry I didn’t call much the last few months of your life. If I had known how you would die so suddenly, I would have called you everyday and told you how much I loved and adored you. I would have told you how proud I was of how hard you fought your illness and how you did it with such grace. I would have told you how I marveled at your strength and courage. I’m so sorry I didn’t.
I called the hospital as soon as I heard you were rushed there. I talked to Uncle, I asked him to tell you I loved you so much, I asked him to tell you that I wanted you to be ok, but if you were just to tired to hang on, to just let go and know that I love you. He did that and he told me you squeezed his hand. He told me that he believed you heard him and I have to believe it too because I didn’t get the chance to tell you myself, so I have to believe you heard him say it.
I took out the pictures of the day we spent at Knotts Berry Farm with Andrew when he was little. I remember how much you fell in love with him when you saw him. And he loved you right back. I am so glad I took pictures of that day because the look on your face reminds me how much you loved my son and I can show him that and even if he doesn’t remember that day, he has the picture to remind him that you thought he was an angel and I’ll tell him how you were my angel.
I’m so glad you’re not in pain anymore but I wish I could hug you so tight right this minute and hear you sing to me. I wish you could wipe away these tears that are falling off of my cheek this minute. I still love you and even though it’s been almost three years, tonight it feels like it was just yesterday that I had to say goodbye.
I love you.

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