Each day with this pregnancy feels like an eternity because of the discomfort I’m in, yet, I can’t believe that I am more than halfway there.
My due date is only 98 days away.
I find myself day dreaming about my baby all day long. I wonder how the labor and delivery will go. Will I be in labor for 9 hours like I was with my boys? Or will it go so quickly that I barely make it to the hospital? Will everything go smoothly, or will I have complications?
I wonder often what she’ll look like. Will she be a perfectly beautiful baby like Andrew was? Or will she look goofy like Ethan did when he was born? Will she be healthy? Have 10 fingers and 10 toes? Will she have a head full of hair or be bald? How much will she weigh? Will she cry all the time like Ethan or will she be calm and quiet like Andrew? Will she have chubby cheeks?
I love her so much already. I can’t wait to meet this little person.
I still have fears about having a daughter. I am scared that I won’t be able to be the kind of mother she needs. I’m scared of treating her the way my mother treated me. I promise myself every day that I will not, that I will never make her feel ashamed of who she is. That I will teach her that she is beautiful no matter what society thinks. I will teach her to love herself first so that she is able to give love and accept love from others. I will comfort her when she’s sad. I will always try to understand her, even when I don’t agree with her. I will support her in every way I can. I will never put her down and humiliate her. And most importantly, I will always hug her, kiss her and tell her how much I love her. Every single day.
I never want my daughter to feel uncomfortable around me, the way I do around my mother. I don’t want her to hestitate to show her love for me with hugs and kisses the way I do with my mother (for fear of rejection). I don’t ever want her to have the self hatred that I have struggled with my entire life. I never want her to hate herself so much that she would rather be dead then feel the pain, hurt and sadness. I know we all have moments of sadness, moments where we feel unworthy of love, moments where life hurts, however, I want my daughter to be able to come to me in those times for reassurance. I don’t want her to feel like she has no one and lock herself in her bedroom, the way I did. Happiness and love are all I wish for her and I promise that I will live my life to make sure she has those things.
Now, if these 98 days would hurry up and fly by already so I can hold her in my arms and start living up to all of these promises I’ve made to her.

7 thoughts on “Love.

  1. dana michelle

    It’s always a thrill to me to read one of your posts like this and see how far you have come in the past year.
    You’ve got everything exactly right, and you are going to be an awesome mom to little Gabriella.

  2. Sunidesus

    You are going to be an amazing mom for her.
    Posts like that make me want to go home and give my mom a huge hug for being so wonderful.

  3. christine

    Isn’t it funny how a pregnancy can seem like forever, but then you turn around and all of the sudden you’ve got a couple of big kids making smart-ass comments to your face? Where does time go?

  4. kb

    Yvonne, I’ve read you for months but I don’t really post comments. Your posting today I had to respond to.
    You are a strong woman. You have taken what you didn’t like about your childhood and changed that for your family, you didn’t continue the pattern as so often happens.
    You are going to be an amazing mother to that little girl. Not only are you going to be a mother your going to be her friend. That will so kick ass!!!
    Just imagine all the things that you wanted to do with your mother but couldn’t. You have the opportunity to do those now with your own daughter.

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