Poop this

Tony got home from work at 2:45 and went straight to the bathroom to “take out the trash”, as my son would say.
It is now 3:34 3:44 3:49 and he’s STILL IN THERE.
He claims he’s “going poop”. (yeah I knocked on the door and asked him what the hell he was doing in there!) Riiiiight, and I’m just “big boned”.
He does this every day, I say “going poop” my ass. He’s “reading guns and ammo” and “avoiding having to help me.”
Yeah, after 13 years of this, I’m FINALLY ON TO HIM!

11 thoughts on “Poop this

  1. franci

    my husband spend eons in the toilet, claiming he is trying to ‘pinch a loaf’ (his phrase, not mine). he claims it really does take him this long to void his bowels, and yet he also claims that he MUST stand to urinate because it puts less pressure on the bladder. if i am to believe this, then i suppose all men have faulty bladders and large intestines. women must be the deluxe models, after all we can sit to pee without putting undue ‘pressure’ on the bladder and i don’t know about you, but it’s all ‘crap, wipe, flush, wash hands and leave’ for me in the poo-dept.
    don’t get me wrong, i don’t think men should have to sit to pee, i just don’t think there are enough valid reasons for why they NEED to stand to do it…especially when most of them have shitty aim. *chuckle*
    rant over, sorry for the book.

  2. shy me

    I asked my boyfriend once why it took so long and he admitted that he actually only pooped for a minute and then sat in there reading my girly magazines or something.
    I guess it’s like a chill out zone!
    whatever. boys are weird.

  3. niki

    He was in there for over an HOUR?
    Shoot, my hiney falls asleep if I’m sitting on that throne for more than 20 minutes. I wouldn’t be able to walk afterwards if I stayed on for an hour!

  4. ben

    Funny, my wife does this.
    You know she’s been in there a while when the door opens and she tosses out a smut book.
    “Need another one, Honey?”
    “No, I’ve got three in reserve.”
    It’s like a Netflix cue for the toilet.

  5. kim

    do you think he actually sits on the toilet or gets “comfortable” somewhere else in the bathroom? ’cause i do like to read on the toilet sometimes as well. but even when i happen to read something really interesting that keeps me from getting up after i’m “done”, my butt hurts after a while on the toilet seat.. 64 minutes? no way. by then i would have the shape of the seat imprinted in my butt for ever..

  6. Ash

    ahhh that explains it! When I was a kid, my dad would spend hours in the backroom. We would always say he was “meditating”. Now I know the truth! He was just trying to get away from my brother and I! lol

  7. mikey

    dude, i never understood the concept of reading on the pot. i mean, don’t you have things to concentrate on while you’re on there besides reading?
    i dunno. when it comes to bodily functions, i try NOT to multitask. there are just some circumstances that call for MONOtasking.
    nevermind the fact that you “ruin” whatever magazine you’re reading for anyone else. i mean, really. if i took a copy of “People” in the bathroom, and you knew i was reading it while i’m shitting, would you want to even TOUCH that magazine afterward?

  8. Sunidesus

    My father does that! He’ll disappear in there for an hour at a time. Never understood what he was doing in there for that long.
    Although I have been known to start reading something and end up sitting there until my hind end falls asleep…. uh oh… you think it’s genetic?

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