age aint nothin’ but a number… til you CRAP YOUR PANTS

I’m becoming increasingly afraid of growing old. I’m afraid of what will happen to my body and I’m NOT talking about LOOKS.

I’m talking about not being able to control my bodily functions. I’m talking about having to wear Depends. I’m talking about becoming a hunch back. I’m talking about my teeth falling out.
There are books about growing old “Gracefully.” Ok, I haven’t read the book, but how the hell is that possible if when you get older you can’t sneeze without your teeth flying out, or you can’t laugh without shitting your pants? I’m totally serious. I’ve seen what happens to people when they age. I used to visit convolescent homes to spend time with the elderly there. I’ve seen what can happen to a persons body as it ages.
You people have no idea HOW scared I am about it. I’m so scared that when someone tells a joke about someone wearing Depends, I don’t laugh, I cry and say “THAT’S NOT FUNNY, ASSHOLE! We’re only 4 pisses away from wearing them ourselves, DO NOT MOCK THE AGED!”
Two nights ago I almost had to call 911 because of a severe anxiety attack I had in the middle of the night. I couldn’t breath, my heart was pounding so hard and I thought “I’M HAVING A HEARTATTACK!” I have suffered with anxiety for a long time, so I should know better, I should know not to let my mind lose control like that. But, it happened and it’s traumatized me.
Now, I can’t obsessing about what will happen to my body when I get older. Will my heart last? Or will I die young? Will I get arthritis and lose my ability to do the simpliest things due to overwhelming pain? Will my back hurt all the time, taking the enjoyment out of sitting and watching my kids and my grandkids?
Peeing yourself when your pregnant is one thing, but not being able to control your pee on a daily basis because your bladder gave out for good is a whole other thing and I am scared the day will come where that will be my reality.
Do you ever think of that? Of growing old and losing control of your body?
What about losing control of your MIND?
I saw my Granny lose it and, while at times it WAS funny (come on, she thought that Tiger Woods got her pregnant), it terrifies me that one day that could be me. That one day MY children wouldn’t be able to take me out in public because I was afraid the police were looking for me because they thought I had buried babies in the backyard.
This growing old business SUCKS.

13 thoughts on “age aint nothin’ but a number… til you CRAP YOUR PANTS

  1. y

    WOAH…. that last paragraph sucked like REALLY BAD! To bad I’m too lazy to log back in to MT and fix it.
    And let me clarify that I DIDN’T SHIT MY PANTS. I know how you people think.

  2. Rae

    Yvonne, first of all, and no matter what ANYONE tells you, your fears are very real and if you can believe it, not that uncommon. Second of all, I tip my hat that you have that much respect for the elderly. Not too many of my peers can say that, and that saddens me greatly. *hugs and kudos* to you Yvonne.

  3. kat

    You don’t have to be old to have those problems.
    I have the hunch and the arthritis. Welcome to 34!….lol
    No, really, you don’t want your bones all fucked up, calcium, vitamin c, exercise, take care of yourself. Do your kegals everyday and you won’t piss your self.

  4. y

    I think I may be getting arthristis, because when I wake up in the morning, it’s hard to walk because my ankles are stiff.

  5. Hed

    You know, I used to worry about that stuff too, but at the same time, I think that if you take care of yourself and stay active, that stuff takes much longer to happen to you than if you didn’t.
    My grandma talks about losing her short term memory all the time… but what does she do? She sits around watching TV all day long. She’s stiff, she wears diapers, and she seems to me to be a lot older than her actual chronological age. Some days, she doesn’t even get dressed.
    You can’t expect much when you do nothing.
    Just like anything you have to move it or you lose it.
    I just went to a Tai Chi conference yesterday, and they were talking about this. They talked about an 80 year old woman who was moving faster, and with more ease than a lot of 40 year old people just starting out in the class. She started practicing Tai Chi when she was 60.
    You have time. Just remember that to keep your quality of life enjoyable, everyone needs to do what works for them.

  6. etherian

    I try not to think about getting old because my body already has betrayed me way too many times to count. As far as losing control and so on, my only hope is that in-between the inconveniences I will have a day, now and then, free of pain or annoyance.

  7. Lucky

    *pokies her url* I got myself a blog finally 🙂 If you are so inclined, feel free to have a look 🙂
    I hear you on the age thing….*shudder*
    The other day I realized that when Claire is 10 my oldest will be TWENTY and very likely could have made me a GRANDMA

  8. stinkerbelle

    yeah, getting old sucks. it’s not my mind but my body. i’m starting to get that stiff feeling in my knees and ankles when i walk after sitting too long. and the muscle tone ain’t what it used to be. but i sure am wiser than i was 25 years ago.

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