Dramaqueenwhore is SO last year

The handle just BROKE OFF OF MY VACUUM.
For no reason. I was vacuuming up the livingroom and SNAP. Off it went.
The 2004 me would have been all “MOTHER FUCKER!” Thrown that bitch across the livingroom while crying and going on and on about how “Now I’m going to have to bust into my ‘We’re Going On Vacation This Summer if it Effin Kills Me’ fund”.
But that was ’04 me. The 2005 me isn’t like that. The ’05 grabbed the keys, went into the garage, found a roll of duct tape, taped that fucker up and kept on vacuuming as though the handle never just unexplicibly for NO FREAKING REASON snapped off.
I love the new me (Thanks, Dr.Phil, you sexy beast, you)
(I also love the MOST of the people who read this blog. So, since it’s “national de-lurker day” or something like that, why don’t you say something if you read my sad, sad little blog and never comment? BUT WAIT! THERE’S A TWIST. How about leaving a TOTALLY RANDOM COMMENT, lurker or not. I’ll give you an example. “Boy, that Gary Coleman doesn’t look 8 anymore and it’s creeping me the hell out!”)
Or! You could totally buy me a new vacuum instead?!

102 thoughts on “Dramaqueenwhore is SO last year

  1. Cat

    I have read your blog everyday for a long time and I think you ROCK! I like the new skins. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Don’t vacuums suck?

  2. Kira

    You crack me up…and say the things I want to say sometimes…but, you’ve got a really funny twist to it! Love reading your blog ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. keith

    I’ve been a bad blogger, and not commented here for far too long. I loved you last year, and love you this year, too. And your family is f’ing fantastic, too.

  4. Jeanne

    Delurking to say..
    Love reading you! You are so honest and real and I see a lot of myself in what you say. (I can remember a time that I would have thrown a fit if the handle to my vacuum just broke out of the blue like that)

  5. Brianna

    I love your blog and I LOVE Dr. Phil…My friends call em Dr. Brianna Phil…lol…Keep on Blogging!

  6. Keli

    I’m SO a lurker…. But I have commented a few times. I read you every day and LOVE your and Melly’s blogs. Take care. And keep up the AWESOME blogging.
    Happy New Year.

  7. Bee

    I am so pleased that the 2005 Yvonne is so kick-ass.
    Too bad Dr. Phil isn’t a doctor at all, just a guy who apparently gives advice good enough that he somehow earned that title somewhere along the way…
    But if it works for you, who the fuck cares, right?

  8. Wendi

    Sweetie I would buy you a new one if I could. Hey duct tape works wonders. I used it on our last vaccum for about a year. When finally, just this last Oct 04 we were able to buy a new one. hurray for me, its amazing how happy i was, or was it just sad… ๐Ÿ™‚
    I lurk, sometimes saying something.
    whats with this de-lurking thingy, is that new?

  9. Lindsay

    I prefer “comment-less reader” : )
    Whenever I read comments on any site that says anything like “You don’t know me, but I love your site!!” I get a case of the chills for a few reasons.
    a.) excessive exclamation marks should not be used at someone you don’t know.
    b.) I fear sounding cheesy and lame, even though i know i’m one of those people who “totally loves your site!!”

  10. Kelley

    I think I’ve commented before but I’m mostly a lurker. Cause I don’t usually have anything to say really…like now….uh…Happy New Year!…yeah, that’s it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Lessa

    occasional commenter, delurking JUST cuz you asked so nicely. *g* And you can have your choice of any one of my three, THREE broken vaccumes if you like….
    *shining grin*

  12. melissasunshine

    I’ve lurked off and on for a while. We have a lot in common, 2 older boys..and a miracle baby girl. And my brother and I broke a vac. handle when we were kids, then delicately balanced it back on before we shut it in the closet like nothing happened. We both got beat for that one…

  13. kat

    There is nothing worse than having a much needed appliance break and you have to sepnd money you don’t have to replace it. It sucks. I feel your pain.

  14. Kelly

    I’d have totally beaten the shit outta that vacuum cleaner. It would have had more than a snapped off handle when I was done with it!

  15. Catt

    Excellent post! Sounds like the “old” me, too. Of course I haven’t had the occasion to throw anything yet…but 2005 is young.

  16. Deborah

    Lurker here..that same thing happened to my vacuum once in university. Decided to throw the Wal-mart piece of junk out though!
    Happy New Year!

  17. Teresa

    Hello there! I’m a lurker. I do have to say that I love your take on life. You frequently make me laugh out loud. I enjoy your blog daily. You have almost inspired me to start one of my own…

  18. Amber

    another lurker here… I’ve been reading your blog for a long time but never commented before. I love your wit and honesty. If I had to choose just one blog to read, yours would be the one.

  19. Sunshine

    Another lurker here.
    I love your blog because, well, you’re brutally honest about life. And, you always have something funny to say!

  20. mrc

    I’m a lurker, sometimes commenter. You’re a good, funny, and insightful writer. And I’m addicted to your blog. Hmm, I don’t think that’s a good thing, but life is short. What the heck…

  21. Michelle

    See? You are a better woman than me. I would have just packed that bitch up and stuffed it in the closet and used the handle fiasco as an excuse not to vacuum that day. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    And Hi.

  22. Mamacita

    You’re one of my daily reads, but don’t let that throw you into a panic or anything. I’m de-lurking today, and confessing to things I didn’t even do. For example, when Al Gore told me he had invented something he was calling the “internet,” I laughed and said, “It’ll never catch on, Al.” And I was so right. No, wait. That wasn’t ‘internet,’ it was ‘fishnet.’ Or maybe ‘intercourse.’ Whatever, you can’t tell me Al knew a THING about any of those words. Random enough for ya?

  23. Jenn

    Speaking of Gary Colemen, whatever happened to Webster? Does he look 8 still. Talk about creeping me out! And the voice!
    Hi! Love reading your blog, woman.

  24. Chelle

    I really like to vacuum. It’s my most favorite chore.
    I wonder if Gary Coleman likes to vacuum.

  25. Janis

    Yeah well screw the duct tape, I’d have been throwing it across the room like I was a contestant in a midget tossing contest.
    But that’s just how I’ve been feeling lately.
    Miss Nice is on vacation and Madam Total Bitch is ruling the roost.
    My poor family….

  26. justagirli

    Occasional commenter, mostly Lurker! I love the site and must admit it is my first stop everyday after work.
    I commend you for your restraint with the vacuum cleaner-broken handle incident. The last time I had a vacuum incident I ended up putting a screw driver right through that sucker! Maybe I should take a look at what this Dr. Phil has to say!
    Happy New Year!

  27. Carolyn

    I love the 2005 “new you”.
    I read your blog daily, but I lurk! I’ll try to lurk-less!

  28. Katherine

    I’ve commented before, but I don’t comment enough. Love the blog, love the Yvonne 2005, love the angelbaby, and love the Pa Ingalls.

  29. erin

    I too am a lurker!! I have been reading for forever. You are so witty and funny. I am always laughing out loud. Gabby is too cute!

  30. Shamrock

    Hell no. Duct tape is not my thing. I love electrical tape. You know, once you go black, you never go back? That’s what I recently used to repair MY vacuum. Which I’m thinking I should replace with a Shop-Vac, which I can get for 20-thousand greenpoints and I have 41,000 saved up with my Foodtown card. Which means I can buy some mixing bowls WITH the Shop-Vac. This is such an exciting life I almost can’t stand it. Love you Y – been reading you for a long time without speaking up. Peep. Here I am.

  31. Mieke

    I know you’re going to call me a name dropper, but I met Michael Landon, two years before he died, 1989, one night backstage of THE TONIGHT SHOW – he was one Carson’s favorite guests. I was such a dork. He walked up to me to be introduced and all I could say was, and in a loud voice full of love, “PA!”. I hugged him while admitting to my total gooberness at not being able to keep my cool in his presence. He was charming and kind. He laughed that Pa laugh and said he was used to it from women my age. He was tall and handsome – with a gorgeous head of hair.
    I was crushed when he died – it all happened so fast.
    That is my Michael Landon story.

  32. Melissa

    I confess … I am a lurker! Been readin ya for quite a while now …. woman you CRACK ME UP! I SO enjoy reading your blog! รœ

    and hey, I’m the duct tape QUEEN! *nods* LOL

    *hugz you* — for being YOU

  33. Lucky

    “chores suck ass”
    “As do whores. So I’ve been told!!”
    Mrr? *blinkyboggles*
    ooookay? I think you lost me Y! *goes looking for a latte….

  34. ShaolinTiger

    There once was a raspberry, his name was Bert, Bert the Raspberry in fact. One day he had a fight with a Blueberry, it was all very messy.
    Pencils are cool.

  35. Kelly

    Love your blog! Thanks for the entertainment! I need all of it that I can get being a sahm. Love the new skins as well!

  36. Sky

    A day late for de-lurker day, but that’s okay because I’ve commented before. I just wanted to let you know that gnomes think it’s completely normal to eat spinach before swimming.

  37. Amanda

    With your infinite wisdom, how long do you think J-Lo’s marriage to Marc Anthony will last? Britney and Kevin? Jessica and Nick? Kermit and Miss Piggy?

  38. Crimsonfairy

    I love your blog. It helps get me through the day. I never comment because my boss doesn’t really need to know what I am doing here behind this computer.

  39. sofia

    The old you sounds too much like the current me… So hey, maybe I can make a new me too! Sounds good… Im gonna get some confetti and throw a welcome party to the new me xD yay me

  40. Jodi

    I’ve commented once before, but mostly I lurk. Love your site though and your family is adorable.
    A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she’s attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she’s more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a baseball bat jammed up his ass while he’s on fire. Further studies are expected.

  41. y

    last night i had a dream that i was swimming with Ty Pennington in a pool and I took my shirt off because it was all wet and then I panicked because I had my nursing bra on and it’s totally not sexy.

  42. Dwight

    Anything? OK…
    Open the door, Richard
    Open the door and let me in
    Open the door, Richard
    Richard, why dont you open that door?

  43. Shelley

    my vaccum cleaner nearly TORE my little fucking toe off once…so I never use it….still sitting there in the kitchen with it’s oh so subtle blue hue…..taunting me…

  44. Katie

    Hmm Hi! I’m a LONG time lurker! I love your blog!
    Oh and I love this new skin – Gabby angel! Adorable!
    *Goes back to lurker’ville*

  45. Heather

    Duct tape rocks! I read daily, comment seldom. Forgive me, I’m a working single mom who volunteers for every frickin’ thing and is too busy to pee half the time. Love your blog and your honesty and wit and the pictures of your beautiful family. Many blessings, Heather

  46. Krissy

    Hi, I’m a lurker and a newbie one at that. I commented before and I’ll say it again–I adore your site. While that may sound creepy, I think you have a great voice. Plus you entertain me. Yay for new outlooks on life, too–congrats!
    PS: sorry I didn’t post earlier, I just read this today. Gaah.

Comments are closed.