In the 16 years that I’ve been married to PigHunter, I’ve never played an April Fool’s joke on him.
That all changed today, because today I got up at 6 in the morning, drove his car around the corner and parked it there. When he wakes up, I’m going to ask him if he’ll pretty please go buy me a coffee. When he sees that his car is not there, he is going to shit his pants and I am going to pretend to be very upset because “OMG! We do not have theft on our insurance policy! What are we going to do because we have no moneeeeeeeey?!”
I realize this isn’t the greatest April Fools Day joke, but I was too lazy to go buy a pregnancy test and draw a purple line in it.
THAT would have been the greatest April Fools Joke because, you know, he had a vasectomy.
Maybe next year.
I do know that he’s going to fuh-reeeeeeeeak out. We had one of our cars stolen when I was pregnant with our first child and oh my God, my husband turned into some kind of Mutant Super Hero.
He was hell bent on finding our car and “the perpetrators” who stole it. We’d be driving and he would think he saw our car traveling in the opposite direction and he’d scream “THERE IT IS!” make an illegal u-turn and start chasing the car. Once he’d realize it wasn’t our car, he’s apologize for giving me whiplash and say really dramatic things like “I’m sorry, hon, I just have to catch whoever did it, they can’t get away with violating us like this. I have to find these assholes.”
One day he actually called the police and asked them this question. “How much force can one use by law when making a citizen’s arrest?”
The dispatcher was like “Sir, why are you asking this question?”
And PigHunter was all “because someone stole my car and if I happen to see them driving around in it, I plan on making a citizen’s arrest and holding them until the police can come.”
Citizen Nerd says “Fuck with my Datsun 210 and I will hunt you down like a pig and CITIZENS ARREST YOU.”
You have no idea how badly I wanted him to find the thugs who stole our car and watch him take them down in a completely legal manner so as not to be sued or arrested him self for taking the arresting of a citizen too far.
God, I can’t wait for him to wake up already.
While I’m waiting, I think that you should tell me the greatest April Fools Pranks you’ve ever played on someone, or have had played on you.
So, this is how it went down…
He went to go get coffee and still didn’t notice that his car was gone. I found it a little suspicious that he didn’t notice his car was missing, so I thought maybe he had figured it out.
He came home from Starbucks and still didn’t say a word about the missing car.
I lost patience and decided to “bring it to his attention.”
I went outside to get the newspaper out of the car and came running inside.
“Babe, where’s your car?”
He ran outside and realized it wasn’t where he had left it the night before and I could see the look of panic on his face.
I started to bust up laughing.
“Very funny, Tony.” I said “I know you moved it to play a joke on me. Not falling for it.”
“I did not. Y, are you kidding me?”
I kept laughing and trying to act like I thought he had played a joke on ME.
That’s when he really believed it.
“I’M NOT JOKING WITH YOU BABY.”
He looked like he was going to cry and also “arrest some citizen ass”. That’s when I knew I had “got him.”
“SOMEONE STOLE MY CAR, I HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE!” He turned white and started frantically looking for the cordless phone.
I wish you could have seen his face. It was awesome.
I had to tell him it was a joke because he was about to call the cops.
He did laugh, but only after he told me that he thought he was going to faint and that I had scared the shit out of him.
Again, not the best prank ever, but good enough for me.