I Took a Ride on This and Lived to Blog About it.

I am afraid of many things.
Earthquakes. Bees. Beetles. Porta-potties. Bears. Raw chicken. Flying on airplanes.
And those are just a very few things. My list is long. I am a paranoid, overly cautious person who begs my kids not to dive into pools because I am afraid they will hit their heads on the bottom and paralyze themselves. And that is a true story. Just ask my boys who absolutely HATE when I come out to watch them swim (at other peoples houses because we do not have a pool.)
At the top of my Things I Am Afraid Of list is “Ferris Wheels.”
It’s not the *height* that scares me as much as the thought that the car (box? seat?) that I am in will flip over and because there are NO SEATBELTS (which, WTF, Ferris Wheel Safety Board?) I will fall to a painful, messy death.
On Saturday, my family spent a few hours on the Navy Pier in Chicago. There was no doubt in my mind that the second my daughter saw the ferris wheel she’d want to go on it.
I was right.
“Mommy, can we please go on the ferris wheel?” Is what she said most of the time we were walking around. I finally told her yes, she could go on with her brothers and her daddy because Momma don’t ride ferris wheels.
When I got in line to buy their tickets, the kids started begging me to go on with them. They said things like “it would be so great if the whole family rode it together!” and “we want you to go with us, it won’t be fun without you!”
I kept politely saying NO! WAY! until Ethan said something like “Ohh, you’re the one who forced us to go on roller coasters! You’re the one who said not to be afraid of them and now you’re too chicken to go on a ferris wheel?”
I couldn’t say no after that. I would have looked like a (rhymes with) “wussy.”
So, I said yes.
While we were in line, I made sure that my family was clear on the rules. Basically, the rules were “DO NOT MOVE ANY PART OF YOUR BODY WHATSOEVER IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM.”
I realized .03 seconds into the ride that it was a mistake on my part to make such a big deal about the whole “moving your body thing.” The second they shut the little gate on our car (cart? seat? WHAT IS THAT THING CALLED?) my kids started making Unnecessary Movements. And they continued to do so throughout the entire ride. This prompted me to freak out more than once. Which of course prompted them to laugh at me and say things like “Mom, you’re being too paranoid. Calm down.” And then they’d move their arm again FOR NO GOOD REASON.
The important thing is that I did it, I rode the effing ferris wheel.
But I can promise you this– I will never do it again.
It wouldn’t be fair to my vagina.

29 thoughts on “I Took a Ride on This and Lived to Blog About it.

  1. Jerseygirl

    That is a SCARY Ferris wheel – I was goaded into going on it as well and have the same fears about Ferris Wheels. You deserve a drink or a new pair of shoes, at least.

  2. James E.

    Ha! Sounds like me. I hate those damn things. Yet anytime we end up near one, some how I’m on the damn thing and I say the same thing, I’ll never do it again!
    Yet I do.

  3. Average Jane

    Good for you! I am terrified of heights, too, which is why I took a solo trip on the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier the last time BlogHer was in Chicago. Damn, it was scary!

  4. neeroc

    Congrats! I’ll admit that looks like a lot of fun, and I might rock the car a bit, but good for you for doing it once!

  5. Ninotchka

    hahaha I relate to the fear thing so much though I’ve gotten pretty kick ass about it, if I do say so myself. I used to be a freakin’ mess about everything. Now, I just say: SHUT THE F*CK UP, BRAIN and go for it (for the most part, I’m no dare devil).
    My ferris wheel experience: Summer 2007, Paris, France. My sister was all like “woooo! ferris wheel! Paris! let’s go!” and the guys working it are obviously drunk and flirting with us and I’m all like “Paris. Drunk, flirtatious Parisian carnies….Hmmm, that *would* be a cool way to die, fuck it…” So we went on the thing and it was this OLD ASS rickety, metal death trap that threatened the end of me at every turn and I was up there LOVING it thinking that if I were to plummet to my death right there I’d be damned glad the last thing I saw was the twinkling of the Eiffel Tower over the city lights or a drunk Parisian carnie. Either one would be prett awesome. hahahahaha

  6. Jenna

    you’re a good mom for trying new things for your kids.
    and looking at that photo made me weak in the vagina too. i hate ferris wheels.

  7. ambrosia

    Ferris wheels are the scariest things in the whole world. Congrats on not having a full-fledged panic attack while up on the thing!

  8. Aly

    I’m a freak for rides and LOVE the scary coasters and all that jazz. But ferris wheels scare the bejesus out of me. You know the California Adventures ferris wheel? Where some cars are stable and others SWING WILDLY!?? Guess which car I was made to go on. I spent that entire journey paralysed with fear while a four year old spent that entire journey laughing her ass off at the fraidy cat. WHO INVENTS A FERRIS WHEEL WITH SWINGING CARS? Psychos.
    Great pics though!

  9. Paulette

    I LOVE your pictures! I live in Chicago! I wish I would’ve known that you were going to be here!

  10. Maggie

    Not to perpetuate the diving fear, but a good friend, while on a beach vacation the summer after our freshman year of college, dove into a sandbar & is now a quadriplegic. Don’t get me wrong–most of the time pools are much safer, but still, nothing to get complacent about!!
    I don’t think I’ve been on a ferris wheel in at least 10 years…I guess you’re not a fan of the Santa Monica pier? 🙂

  11. Diana

    You are a better woman than I. I do not ride ferris wheels under any circumstances and if someone had moved in my car/box/seat I would have killed them once we were on solid ground again.

  12. Pam

    I rode that Ferris Wheel too, and my vag was petrified the whole time! Fortunately, I was with my sister, who is also afraid of heights (I didn’t ask about her vagina). We both kept completely still the whole way up and back so that we wouldn’t rock the car off its cables and plummet to our deaths. Because that totally happens all the time. 🙂
    Isn’t Chicago fun? I was so shocked to find a giant amusement park open late right in the middle of the city!

  13. Jaime

    I live in Buffalo and there was an earthquake yesterday! It freaked me out but now I know I can live through it just fine. As for ferris wheels, I just think that they are awesomely boring. I would rather do a roller coaster or spinning tea cups:)

  14. Mom101

    Please don’t die because then who would take such utterly gorgeous photos of ferris wheels?
    (Among other reasons. Of course.)

  15. Krissy

    I’m proud of you for facing your fear! I rode on that thing and was totally loving it…until I went to get off, where I ended up injuring myself and making Navy Pier history as the one person in the history of the ferris wheel to hurt herself on it–or so said many the NP worker. Now I am quite fearful of that amusement.

  16. Jen from KY

    Totally with you on the Ferris Wheel and NO UNNECESSARY MOVEMENT – especially on the traveling carnival ferris wheels where I am SURE they forgot the bolts vital for holding MY car/seat/box/coffin up and I’ll be found inside it after it crashes to the ground…Also the people who are getting on and off of the crazy thing always seem to be the slowest when I’m stuck at the top!!!!
    Love your blog – you’re a good mom!

  17. Leah

    Just reading your post and seeing the pictures made me have a cold sweat. I am exactly like you regarding Ferris wheels. I love roller coaster but Ferris Wheels freak me out. Last year at the fair my daughter convinced me to go on with her and I am sure everyone heard me yelling, don’t move don’t move, don’t even breath if you can help it! Going to California Adventures/Disneyland this winter and you can’t pay me enough to go on that ferris wheel.

  18. NHmillgirl

    I’ve been on that damn circle of death. Thought it would be sooo much fun and sooo romantic with bf. WRONG. I was petrified. And he thought it was cute to hop over to my side of the car and snuggle for a self-snatched photo during a kiss. In the pic, I look like I’m sucking the soul from his body. Not good.

  19. APeetsMom

    NO chance at ALL anyone could get me on that. To effing high. And MOVEMENT in that box??? oh god – i could NOT do this.

  20. amanda

    My palms sweat just thinking about it, but the last line…do they do something new on ferris wheels involving the lad parts? I am picturing J-Lo in The Cell. Sweating again.

  21. Cindi

    I do NOT like ferris wheels. Period.
    I do NOT like heights. Period.
    When my kids were little, I had to talk etiher my husband or my mom into taking them on the little ferris wheel at our city park. I did it once and was in total misery the entire time.
    I don’t even get on the first rung of a ladder. I need to have my feet firmly planted on the floor.

  22. mel

    Good for you for getting on! Ferris Wheels are terrifying. I’m the same way. I think having kids makes you even more paranoid. My daughter does sailing lessons and I have to pick her up about 100ft from where she gets off her boat. Just seeing her in it has given me anxiety. She tells me how they dip it sideways for fun and pick up animals like lobster out of the ocean and I almost faint!

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