Today, I have an appointment to get my haircut. I haven’t had my haircut since November. That’s craziness for a woman who used to get her hair cut and colored every 6 weeks.
Funny how life changes after you quit your job to take care of your three (THREE!) children. No more money for things like “haircuts” or “dye jobs.”
I had long hair for most of my life. But that all changed a few months after I got married and decided that I wanted a perm.
Not just any perm. A spiral perm.
Do y’all remember the Spiral Perm? It was all the rage in the early 90’s. Kinda like how the ““Merm was all the rage in the 80’s.
Oh! The Merm! How I still long to have Perm Sex everytime I see that picture. Look at me, getting all distracted by my husband’s Merm. This post isn’t even about him! But MY GOD. The Merm.
Ahem. Back to MY Perm.
My mom’s very best friend was a hairdresser and agreed to give me A Spiral Perm. I trusted her completely, which turned out to be a very bad mistake. The Perm didn’t take because my hair was so long and thick, that it was too much for the perm to handle and it refused to hold the curl.
“You need layers.” She tells me AFTER having spent hours in a chair with horrid smelling chemicals burning the shit out of my scalp.
A couple of weeks later, I agreed to have layers cut and redo the perm. Oh my God. I hated it. It was horrible. So, later that night, I decided to go buy a chemical straightner and rid myself of The Perm Head.
My poor, sweet virgin hair. What was once a shiny, split end free head of hair was now a burnt, crisp mess. I’ll never forget standing in front of the bathroom mirror sobbing my eyes over the damage I had caused to my precious hair.
The next day I went to a professional hair dresser who was NOT my mother’s best friend and had my hair chopped off. And for the first time in my adult life, I had short hair.
I hated it at first, but eventually I grew to love it. It was easy to take care of, it was bouncy and “fun.”
Who knew! Hair could be fun!
I never was able to grow it long after that. I loved the short hair too much. And man, the compliments I would get about how “short hair really framed my face” made me love it even more. I did grow it out a few times for certain events (like my sister’s wedding) but for the most part, short hair was My Thang.
When I went through my depression, I gained a lot of weight. Especially after I started taking the anti depressant drugs. I started to let my hair grow because my face was too fat for short hair.
What hair has to do with weight, I do not know, but I do know that I feel like I’m “too fat” for short hair. I feel like if I cut it off, my face will look ENORMOUS. There’s a “security” I feel in having hair that covers my fat arms and hides my double chin.
My hair is longer now than it’s been in 12 years and I WANT to cut it off, because, um, I think that I am going bald but shhhhhh because people will think I’m crazy, because I also think that I have tumors and various other diseases that the doctors just can’t seem to find. But, HELLO? Why is my right leg going numb every night? summer is coming and I’d love to not have to deal with all of this hair hanging everywhere, but, I don’t know that I’m ready to let it go yet.
It’s just hair! Get over it! It will grow back!
I know, right? And yet, I sit here with knots in my stomach and kind of wanting to puke at the thought of letting someone chop it off.