My mind is playing tricks on me

I am extremely scared right now, scared of myself. Scared of the fact I can’t stop crying and I just cried so hard I went numb. I can’t breathe, that’s how it feels, like I can’t breathe. I didn’t want to, but I called my husband at work because I don’t know what to do. I finally broke down and took a tranquilzer that my doctor gave me just for these kinds of moments and now I’m scared of that. I don’t like taking pills and I don’t know what this is going to do to me. I set the alarm so if I pass out I wake up in time to get Ethan from the bus stop. My chest hurts, my head hurts and I’m trying to keep myself from ripping out my hair. Aren’t you glad you know me? What 3 days ago I was bragging about how good I felt and how I thought I was “on my way.” Now look at me, I can’t even function. This is so unfair and frustrating.

17 thoughts on “My mind is playing tricks on me

  1. Kristina

    Been there and done that. I know exactly how that feels. It feels unreal and overwhelming and like you can’t think and you can’t feel and you just want to lie down and die and that seems comforting but then when you take something and you get really numb you wind up falling asleep and lots of times you’ll feel better afterwards but then there are those times in which that doesn’t even get you past what you’re feeling. Good support and loving family will work. Hang in there. *big support hug*

  2. etherian

    That sounds just like my anxiety attacks. Said a prayer for you and hope you feel better.
    Don’t know if this info helps, but maybe later… My doctor tried to give me several mood-altering/tranquilizer type drugs… they were bad. Made things worse. Almost ALL of those drugs trigger anxiety attacks. I take clonopin now. It’s like the popular atavan.

  3. Butterflies

    The definition of depression is supressed anger.I have been at the same place as yu babe and until I figured out what the anger was that I was burying deep,I couldnt move on.Im sorry for your panic and stress,and your pain.Helplessness is close to hoplessness.There is hope and you will survive this! I can promise you that when you have things sorted out,you will be strong and brave again!! and in control…take care…

  4. dana michelle

    Definitely sounds like a panic attack. I had one once and it was terrifying. It felt like the whole world was closing in on me, and my chest felt like a band was tightening around it.
    I didn’t get any when I was on meds, though. This one happened years before I was treated for depression.
    Hopefully yours has already passed by now and you’re feeling better. ((((Hugs)))))

  5. deb

    does sound like a panic attack, sweetie. and TAKE THE PILLS if you need them – they are there to help you through.
    (((hugs)))) and kisses

  6. dj mo fo

    etherian, klonopin is a tranquilizer. any drug that is a benzodiazepine is a ‘mother’s little helper’ and one of the most prescribed and addictive.
    yvonne, you’ll be fine. i’m here for you.

  7. mollie

    yes i am glad i know you..thanks for listening to me the other nite! I Love You!

  8. Susan

    Girl, you did the right thing.
    Talk to your doctor about your meds. I had mine update twice before we hit the right dosage. I’ve been where I’m at about 10 months with no issues.
    Hang in there and get talking in your therapy.

  9. Mike

    Just make sure it’s the blue pill…unless you wanna learn kung fu and say “Whoa” a lot.
    In all seriousness, telepathically transmitting all the good vibes I can muster atm. 🙂

  10. Angel

    I’m late too… but you know that I love you Yvonne. You have been so good to me, please don’t think that I don’t care. I’ve been so preoccupied with my cat missing that I haven’t been myself.
    I want nothing but the best for you… especially happiness and peace. You mean alot to me. Please know that.

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