Power of The Poots.

I was this close to not going to The 30 minute Workout For Wimmins tonight.
Thiiiiis close I tell you.
Because, internet? I have to be completely honest with you.
I had Serious Gas.
I wasn’t sure how my friend would take it if I called and said “Dude, I know it’s only the second day, but HOMEY, I can NOT stop farting. And these aren’t your ‘average’ farts either, these are the kind that have the potential to cause nosebleeds and I don’t want to make the wimmins bleed.”
I decided to suck it up, or in this case, squeeze REALLY HARD and just go.
I wasn’t going to let the possiblity of being SEVERELY HUMILIATED stop me.
I totally ripped a few, once in front of the GINORMOUS FAN and I’ll admit it, I got nervous for the lady across the room from me.
(That’s right, Trish, I farted on the equipment you sat on!)
I got through the workout without having to fess up to ripping ’em and without making anyone’s nose bleed.
I also got through the workout with very little booblash. I bought a new sports bra at target and I doubled it up with my old one. The result? Superb boob holdage. Jumping up and down is now really great fun!
I was so pumped up after the workout. On the way home, I ACTUALLY had this conversation in my head…”If I can workout whilst trying to clench the cheeks together to keep the gas in and save people from bleeding, NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!”
I’ll take inspiration any way I can get it,people.

11 thoughts on “Power of The Poots.

  1. hed

    If it makes you feel any better, I was on the stairmaster one day, and this stupid old man was waiting to use it, with his nose practically at my sphincter waiting for the machine.
    I thought: Dude. I saw that you signed up for this machine. You can, indeed, remove your nose from my ass.
    Unfortunately for him, I also had gas that night. And after that, we had an agreement: I would, like I would have anyway, call his name from the list when I was done, and he would never stand that close behind me again. This was, of course, a silent contract, but it seemed, a contract, nonetheless.
    See, they can help you, too!

  2. Eden

    Okay am I seeing things? What happened to the greatest domain name ever post? And I want to know what the domain name is! I promise I won’t tell! 🙂

  3. Jodie

    LOL – oh my, nothing like having one of “those” days when you have to be with people… searching out a place/time where it is ventilated and noisy enough (unless you’ve mastered the art of stealth gass passing…, then all you need is ventilation) 😉

  4. Mieke

    Great for you. I love the post work out high. I am going for a blade on the beach now, want to ride a bike beside me and we’ll gab?

  5. tricialicious

    Now you tell me?? But hey don’t feel that bad…I was in front of you last night remember? So by the time I got back to the machine the stench was gone (or so I will keep telling myself) Love ya girl, you are doing great!!!

  6. mikey

    waaaaaitaminit. i thought you said that your farts don’t smell [see here]?
    if they don’t smell, then what were you worried about? hm?

  7. Kelly

    Y, you should patent that bra design and become a trillionaire. That was totally brilliant and I would never have thought of it! Now I can wear all of those sports bras that are collecting dust in my underwear drawer!

  8. Gabriella

    OMG thank you! This was such a funny read. I’ve had the same dilemma, different class. Actually it was a college class, so it was more like the worry of a wafting that would wilt the students sitting around me. I love the part about the nosebleeds and the fan….thanks for the giggles. 🙂

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