I was this close to not going to The 30 minute Workout For Wimmins tonight.
Thiiiiis close I tell you.
Because, internet? I have to be completely honest with you.
I had Serious Gas.
I wasn’t sure how my friend would take it if I called and said “Dude, I know it’s only the second day, but HOMEY, I can NOT stop farting. And these aren’t your ‘average’ farts either, these are the kind that have the potential to cause nosebleeds and I don’t want to make the wimmins bleed.”
I decided to suck it up, or in this case, squeeze REALLY HARD and just go.
I wasn’t going to let the possiblity of being SEVERELY HUMILIATED stop me.
I totally ripped a few, once in front of the GINORMOUS FAN and I’ll admit it, I got nervous for the lady across the room from me.
(That’s right, Trish, I farted on the equipment you sat on!)
I got through the workout without having to fess up to ripping ’em and without making anyone’s nose bleed.
I also got through the workout with very little booblash. I bought a new sports bra at target and I doubled it up with my old one. The result? Superb boob holdage. Jumping up and down is now really great fun!
I was so pumped up after the workout. On the way home, I ACTUALLY had this conversation in my head…”If I can workout whilst trying to clench the cheeks together to keep the gas in and save people from bleeding, NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!”
I’ll take inspiration any way I can get it,people.
If it makes you feel any better, I was on the stairmaster one day, and this stupid old man was waiting to use it, with his nose practically at my sphincter waiting for the machine.
I thought: Dude. I saw that you signed up for this machine. You can, indeed, remove your nose from my ass.
Unfortunately for him, I also had gas that night. And after that, we had an agreement: I would, like I would have anyway, call his name from the list when I was done, and he would never stand that close behind me again. This was, of course, a silent contract, but it seemed, a contract, nonetheless.
See, they can help you, too!
-H
Okay am I seeing things? What happened to the greatest domain name ever post? And I want to know what the domain name is! I promise I won’t tell! 🙂
LOL – oh my, nothing like having one of “those” days when you have to be with people… searching out a place/time where it is ventilated and noisy enough (unless you’ve mastered the art of stealth gass passing…, then all you need is ventilation) 😉
Great for you. I love the post work out high. I am going for a blade on the beach now, want to ride a bike beside me and we’ll gab?
them are some big boobies!
Now you tell me?? But hey don’t feel that bad…I was in front of you last night remember? So by the time I got back to the machine the stench was gone (or so I will keep telling myself) Love ya girl, you are doing great!!!
waaaaaitaminit. i thought you said that your farts don’t smell [see here]?
if they don’t smell, then what were you worried about? hm?
Just think of the workout your ass got!
Y, you should patent that bra design and become a trillionaire. That was totally brilliant and I would never have thought of it! Now I can wear all of those sports bras that are collecting dust in my underwear drawer!
I double up my bras too, Y. Good for you!
OMG thank you! This was such a funny read. I’ve had the same dilemma, different class. Actually it was a college class, so it was more like the worry of a wafting that would wilt the students sitting around me. I love the part about the nosebleeds and the fan….thanks for the giggles. 🙂