Random Thoughts From Tonight's Aerobic Dance Class (Which, for the "record", totally sucked)

Is this Aerobic Dance class or kickboxing? WTF?
Hey, lady. Ever heard of a little thing called “personal space?”
Um, doing a “hop” at the end of The Grapevine does not make “cool”, so please stop doing it.
Who sharted?
No. Seriously. WHO SHARTED?
Who forgot their deodorant?
I WILL CUT YOU.
What’s with all of the Grapevines?
Niiiiiice buttocks.
Oh no she di’int.
Grandma, please.
Ha ha ha ha. QUEEFER.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm hummus and pita chips with wine.
When are we doing some pelvic thrusts, dude? ENOUGH WITH THE GRAPEVINES.
Ok. Your hand just brushed up against my arm and I am trying to be nice, but WHY DO YOU INSIST ON BEING ALL UP ON MY JOCK?
Dumbest.Moves.Ever.
Two can play this game, heffer.
Whoops! Did my hand just hit the back of your head? I’m sorry, but if you weren’t all up IN MY PERSONAL SPACE, that might not have happened.
I hate to be cocky, but damn, my Bunny Hop was off the CHAIN.
Bean dip.
Is it over yet?
God.

30 thoughts on “Random Thoughts From Tonight’s Aerobic Dance Class (Which, for the “record”, totally sucked)”

Maria March 20, 2007 at 12:57 am

HAHAHAHAHA
And why can’t people RESPECT personal space?!

Tiffany March 20, 2007 at 2:43 am

I haaaaaate it when people don’t respect my space. I can’t go to the post office and stand in line without someone standing three inches away from my neck although there’s NOBODY in line behind them. Same applies for grocery store lines. If a person sees that I’m unloading my cart unto the conveyer belt, why would they get all up on me preventing me from getting back BEHIND the cart to get the rest of my stuff out?

Dawn March 20, 2007 at 3:45 am

Great, now I have “Where is the love?” as an ear worm. Not the cool Black-Eyed Peas version, either. The cheesy Roberta Flack version. What has happened to the aerobic dance we used to know?

Heather March 20, 2007 at 4:23 am

You are too funny. Sorry the class is sort of sucking lately…
I think personal space during workouts is more important than at any other time. I hate when people are all up on me at the gym and such. Of course, maybe if I went more they wouldn’t be so fascinated by my newness and they’d backoff a bit…

Margaret March 20, 2007 at 4:31 am

There is a woman at my gym who is CRAZY about her SPOT in class. Heaven help the newbie who wants to stand in THAT SPOT. Not only will this woman confront said interloper, she will crowd the infidel throughout the entirity of the class. This would be a fine strategy if she weren’t 80 years old and 5′ 0″.

MissPrissy March 20, 2007 at 7:06 am

You’re too funny! I have been watching “The New Adventures of Old Christine”, and I absolutely LOVE it!! If it hadn’t been for your blog, I would have missed out on a great show. Thanks:o)

Oh, The Joys March 20, 2007 at 7:26 am

Soon you’re going to have to become the teacher and introduce the WORLD (and me) to the chance to learn your awesome moves. Seriously.

sarcastic journalist March 20, 2007 at 8:18 am

Do you know in Father of the Bride 2, where “Fraaaank” is exercising and doing the grapevine with a bit of added flair at the end?
That’s totally how I do it.

The Real Kyla March 20, 2007 at 8:56 am

Sounds delightfully stinky on all fronts. *lol*

Laurie March 20, 2007 at 8:58 am

Thanks for the laugh. Sorry class sucked. Sharting can always ruin a good time. Well sharting and BO

Brandi March 20, 2007 at 9:29 am

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmm hummus and pita chips with wine”
I am sooo gonna pick some of this up on the way home.

Jen from boston March 20, 2007 at 9:33 am

“but damn, my bunny hop was off the CHAIN.” My next dept. meeting I’m dropping that line.
sorry class sucked.
SJ,
I know exactly what you’re talking about.

Helen March 20, 2007 at 9:49 am

Bizarre that I somehow got to 44 without ever hearing the word Queef, now this week I read THREE blogs with the word in, small world and all that. I wish I could go to your aerobics class because I am so scared to take my fat arse to any near me, only ever filled with skinny things who never fart or sweat or grunt when they bend and stuff. Wish we had videos of your class.

Kait March 20, 2007 at 10:27 am

Ha ha ha ha. QUEEFER.
Ha ha ha! This made me laugh out loud, in my office, where people turned to look. Yeah, that’s how I roll.
And? I love that you think about food while you exercise.

Lisa March 20, 2007 at 11:17 am

OMGoodness! I just had to look up “sharted” in the “urban dictionary” and now I’ve got a horrible visual and I’m laughing on the inside because I don’t want my kids to ask why I’m laughing!!!!
EEEEEEEWWWWWW!

ishouldbeworking March 20, 2007 at 11:44 am

HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Personally to me, it sounds like the class not so much sucked, but stunk! Beware the bean dip Y, or you may be the one sharting at the next class…
Hope next time’s better.

Danielle March 20, 2007 at 12:55 pm

That’s awesome!
Did they get the message when you knocked in the back of the head?

Brandi March 20, 2007 at 7:03 pm

LMAO…that is all. hehe

Jennifer March 23, 2007 at 2:46 pm

Have you ever tried Jazzercise? It sounds like it would be up your alley. I just started teaching. We do a lot of pelvis thrusts and hip shakes and not so many Grapevines…at least in the class I teach. You should check to see if they have one in your area if you want to try something different. I am addicted!