Happy Birthday Jesus… Sorry Your Party’s so Lame

Merry Christmas! I just wanted to take a break from what can only be described as “The Christmas Joy” (Can you see my eyes rolling?! Because when I said that, I ROLLED MY EYES.) up in this house to wish you all a Merry Christmas.
I hope that you’re family listens to you when you ask them to “clean up their mess” and that when you tell them “not right now” they just say “yes ma’am/sir and they go sit down and wait patiently with a smile on their face instead of going “OHMYGOD Why can’t we do it right now? Please now not later OMG NOW!!?” and that they don’t throw an effing tantrum when you ask them (politely, even!) to put a bow on their head so you can take a preeeeety picture of them because bows on heads is FUNNY!
I also hope that your period comes when it is supposed to and that you’re not 3 weeks late and all bloated and feeling like crying for no reason at all except that YOU LOOK 8 MONTHS PREGNANT AND HAVE HORRIFIC GAS.
Picture or Video 899 copy
Ah, The Christmas Joy.
Can’t you just feel it in your soul?
But seriously, Merry Christmas. I love you (well, I love all of you, except for like, two of you.) Your presence in my life (even if it is “on the internet”) during this extremely difficult, challenging, life changing year of my life has meant more to me than I can express without sounding like some kind of sappy asshole. Just know that I hold your encouraging and often time hilarious words close to my heart.

36 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Jesus… Sorry Your Party’s so Lame

  1. Andrea

    Wahoo…first… and on Christmas!
    Thank you Y for all the JOY you bring to our lives via the Internet. We love your honesty, your aerobic moves and your beautiful self. May this next year be less challenging and more peaceful.
    Merry Christmas!!! 🙂

  2. Lisa Milton

    Merry christmas to you – hope you feel better soon.
    (If it helps, my kids opened their presents while I held my head and yelped. I’ve got the headache from hell. Right now. I must return to my moaning.)
    May some real joy strike you down.

  3. anne nahm

    Merry Christmas! A sappy asshole with gas is one of the more disturbing images I’ve seen today. But I still love ya. Or maybe it means I love you even more because of that image. Hope you feel back to your self soon.

  4. Nina

    Merry Christmas!
    At least you didn’t get a name scratched into the side of your car for Christmas like I did. Yeah. Santa didn’t see that last night, or else he’d probably have skipped right over our house. lol

  5. baseballmom

    She just LOOKS like Miss Mary Sunshine…how funny! My oldest is whiiiining right now (he’s 11, mind you) because he opened his presents too fast, and now his brother still has things to open and he doesn’t, waaahhhh! I think SOMEONE needs a talk about what Christmas is all about, dude. Merry Christmas, Y…oh, and I have the joy of having my period visit for the last 3 days, so I can be crabby right in the middle of all the craziness! Hang in there~

  6. Kelley

    Well I certainly hope I am not one of the two….
    Have a wonderful Christmas. And if the kids bother you just point your arse in their direction and squeal ‘She’s gunna blow!’
    I know what you are going through. But at least you are getting into the spirit of Christmas by sporting a Santa belly.
    Ho Ho Ho….

  7. margalit

    So talk, sister. Who are the two you don’t love? I hope it’s not me. 🙂
    Happy Christmas and here’s hoping next year will be MUCH MUCH happier and financially sound!

  8. lani

    Merry Christmas, Y! I’m sorry it’s not a super fabulous day for you, but there will be others and they will be better. You have a beautiful family… thanks for sharing yourself and family with us. Looking forward to seeing the DLSR version of your next year. 🙂 Hugs.

  9. Suebob

    OMG my nephew’s son had THAT SAME EXPRESSION about 70 percent of the time last night and today. He would scream no to everything “No I don’t want Santa to come!” “No I don’t want a brownie sundae!” “No opening presents!!” What a little drama queen.

  10. Norma

    Y, I’m glad I found your blog. You have made me laugh many times. Life would be boring if it was all smooth sailing, so enjoy every bit of it! Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to your family and all your readers!

  11. AA

    Merry Christmas and I hope it is a happy new year! At least now when they are annoying you can go in your kitchen and enjoy the lack of crappy cabinets.
    Looking forward to more of your blog in my 2008.
    Oh, and by the way, my kid was perfect all day today…. only because he is trying to win back the use of his PSP so he can play the new game he got. He will not get to play it on the 9 hour drive to the slopes tomorrow. If he maintains his new improved attitude he will get it for the return trip.

  12. Candy

    LOL, Gabby’s face totally sums up how I felt at least 30 times this Christmas. And no one even forced me to endure a bow on my head. Although my husband did almost set the house on fire by affixing the bows from his presents to the lampshade that was directly above a lighted candle. So that was fun.

  13. Wacky Mommy

    Happy everything to you and your family. Your daughter knows just how I feel, I love her so much for that. Off to hit the spiked eggnog, even tho it’s only 10 a.m. here.

  14. The Autumn Dahlia

    Holy crap, that picture is too funny. I tried to put bows on the dogs heads, but they weren’t buying it either. Sigh…they don’t understand artistic vision… or parents goofing on their kids fo Xmas.

  15. Kay

    I only wish the crummy parts of Christmas were non compliant kids (we had those too anyway).
    Love to you though, you can always make me laugh! Happy Holidays!

  16. Maya

    Happy Holidays to you too! I’m glad the X-mas stress is over and I can look forward to a clean slate. So this New Years, I want to read Dr. Dean Ornish’s new book the “Spectrum”. He provides you tools to customize a way of eating, managing stress, and exercising that is based on your own desires, needs, and genetic predispositions. Hopefully this will help me figure out what’s best for me… Here’s a link to an interesting discussion about it: http://www.wellsphere.com/viewGroup.s?id=110918

  17. girlplease

    if it helps, my post was similar. i wished everyone merry xmas from my ovarian cyst and gas for 2 days straight all because of burger king onion rings.

  18. josey

    LOL even when she’s a big ole whiner, Gabby is still adorable as heck!! 😀
    i hope you are deflated now, i am with ya on the gas…too much junk food here. YUCK! LOL!
    oh and dont roll your eyes too much, one of your boys might smack you on the back while you’re doing it and…well, you know what happens then. hehe! 😉

  19. mauniejames3

    she looks so adorable with the bow on her head even if she hates it…if I am one of the two stop reading but if not…have a wonderful 2008 and if your preggers we will all joyfully go through it with you…your great and cute and funny and we all love you cheer up…maybe anoter girl? one who will happily put bows on her head…

  20. carolyn

    “uh-huh, just a minute….” gah! It’s the same responses over here. You are too funny girl!
    Hope you are having a merry Christmas too…. hey, just throw your schtuff wherever too….
    Happy, healthy ’08 to you and your lovely family!

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