My husband can beat The Internet at “Directions.”

The things that make my husband mad never cease to amaze me. Because he doesn’t get mad about the obvious things. Like traffic, or higher taxes. But leave the iron plugged in after you’re done using it and he loses his damn mind. “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ENERGY THAT WASTES? OBVIOUSLY NOT OR YOU WOULD HAVE UNPLUGGED IT. FOR CRISSAKES, WOMAN!”
This afternoon I was looking up directions to the Barbie’s Malibu Dream House. I asked him to come take a look and confirm that the directions were correct.
“Why did they tell you to go THAT way? What the hell were they thinking?” He said, all angrily.
“They’re not right?” I asked, totally enjoying his outrage over stupid directions.
Next thing I know, he’s drawing furiously on a piece of paper.
Then, he goes something like “You see, this is the 10, they want you to go on this freeway, then go one this one, and then this one. You see how they have you driving all over the place? All you need to do is go like this, then like this, then like this. IT’S VERY SIMPLE.”
DID YOU HEAR THAT MAPQUEST? PigHunter just took you to Freeway School.

32 thoughts on “My husband can beat The Internet at “Directions.”

  1. SAJ

    My husband does the same thing!!! Except he takes it a step further and only lets me go routes that have “acceptable” hospitals along the way in case I get in a wreck. It’s sweet. But so annoying when you want to go to LA!

  2. Amy

    Mapquest is retarded. We just moved to a new house and I couldn’t figure out why the bus driver wasn’t picking up my daughter. She was using Mapquest, which sent her in the wrong direction. Pighunter should go kick their asses.

  3. Headless Mom

    Most people won’t realize that those 4 lines of freeways equal only about 50 miles, or about 2 hours of driving (during rush hour) in our fair city.
    Hope you have fun where you’re going!

  4. Amy

    Hi Yvonne — long time reader delurking. You CRACK me up! It’s so annoying trying to get to SM. Hope you made it OK. And I think we live pretty close by. I can see my freeways on it (60/605)

  5. kimberly

    I LOVE that the lines look like they were drawn with a straight edge because that’s EXACTLY what MY husband would do. No freehand mapping for him, huh-uh. 🙂 Too cute!

  6. Dawn

    OMG…You’re going to Barbie’s Dream House?? Have you watched the “Cougar Barbie” video on YouTube? So,so hilarious…Pighunter may not want you going there without him! Let us know how it went!

  7. Michelle

    I just wanted you to know that I LOVE your blog. I love how it’s not all warm, fuzzie, “I am a wellspring of calm motherly joy”. I find myself laughing all the time at your posts and thinking that if I knew you in person, I’d love to be your friend. You’d be an awesome person to have a beer with. (well, actually, I’d have a glass of wine b/c I generally don’t like beer; I know, people think I”m strange) . My husband also “fixes” directions. Except he goes to multiple sites and then finds the most superior directions out of all the possible routes. LOL.

  8. Lyndsey

    That is AWESOME. I’m with Abra above though… I’m the one drawing the maps, cursing mapquest, and sighing audibly when the bf calls lost. AGAIN. On his way from work to my house after I’ve lived here for 6 months. Like, SERIOUSLY?

  9. janet

    My hubby is a cop and I unabashedly use him as my own personal map quest. I even call him from the car rather than use my turn by turn, maybe it is because I like his voice better?

  10. Melody

    Well if we didn’t have 30 gazillion freeways overlapping each other it wouldn’t be so complicated! And heaven forbid you ever have to take the 91, 10 or 210 e or you’re just plain screwed. Traffic 24 hours a day. People from out of state are always so confused by our freeways!

  11. Papa Bradstein

    OK, but where is he at, like, 4 a.m., when we’re heading out the door for a three-state road trip and we have to be at the wedding on time? Oh, and that’s 4 a.m. eastern time.
    Glad he’s there for you, though.

  12. geeky

    My favorite part of that map? That he obviously used something to make sure the lines were super straight. That part makes me kind of wish he was my husband!

  13. Suz

    lol… my hubby could easily find himself doing the same thing. I don’t typically like mapquest for detailed directions either, but it is good at giving you a time estimate for your trip… presuming that it’s taking you to the right place 🙂

  14. Hed

    Ha ha ha! Google maps completely threw me the other day. Told me to turn left where there was a sign that said “no left turn.” And… it did turn out I was supposed to turn rt, not lt. LOL

  15. Ana

    Woo woo, Mapquest needs to shut down, I have ended up on skid row, lol. Whoop I see my sucky congested 60 on the map.

  16. Liz

    That would be something my hubby would do. He gets fired up easily, and directions are his middle name. LOL!! Mapquest has wronged me more than once, so I always trust hubby’s etch a sketch drawings over mapquests easier to read yet wrong directions. =P

  17. rachy

    your husband is right!! the internet directions always put you on numbered highways, even when a more direct route exists. sometimes i see what mapquests says for simple trips around town. often they are ridiculous, sending you right where all the congestion is or having you make difficult left turns. sometimes, they take you the wrong way on a one-way street or on a street that is now closed off.

  18. neamclainee

    Traditionally Jewish scholars, as we have shown, were highly critical of the Judeo-Christian myth. There are many others, under the influence of modernism and secular Zionism, who do see some advantage in it.
    Rabbi Martin Siegel, reflecting a Messianic zeal, was quoted in the 18 January 1972 edition of New York Magazine as declaring: “I am devoting my lecture in this seminar to a discussion of the possibility that we are now entering a Jewish century, a time when the spirit of the community, the non-ideological blend of the emotional and rational and the resistance to categories and forms will emerge through the forces of anti-nationalism to provide us with a new kind of society. I call this process the Judaization of Christianity because Christianity will be the vehicle through which this society becomes Jewish.”
    While historic Christianity has looked to the eventual triumph of the Kingdom of God throughout the earth, according to the Zionist leaders Talmudic Judaism is zealous in the “drive to perfect man’s earthly habitat” (Gershon Mamlak, Midstream, Jan., 1989, p.31).
    Dr. Mamlak admits that “many Jews have filled the ranks of the various revolutionary movements” (op. cit., p.32) in order to satisfy this urge. [But who can agree on the terms of the social contract? Were the Zionist Irgun and Stern gangs who terrorised and massacred the Palestinian Arabs in the campaign to establish the Israeli state, shining role models for young Jews? What about the immorality of “the end justifies the means”?]
    Rabbi Michael Higger, renowned Talmudic scholar, in his book The Jewish Utopia, discusses the reshaping of the world into a Jewish Eden. The victory of this Utopia is inexorably tied to the coming of the Jewish Messiah.
    “And the Messianic Age,” argues the eloquent Jewish Zionist author Leon Simon, “means for the Jew not merely the establishment of peace on earth and good will to men, but the universal recognition of the Jew and his God. . . For Judaism has no message of salvation for the individual soul, as Christianity has; all its ideas are bound up with the existence of the Jewish nation.” (Studies in Jewish Nationalism).
    Driven by political agendas compromising Jews and compromising Christians began, only in this century, to disseminate the theretofore unheard of doctrine that Christianity originated from Judaism and that the two share a common worldview.
    Dr. Gordon Ginn, an American Christian scholar, made a very valid point when he noted: “It is most interesting, indeed, that rabbis as well as Jewish scholars such as Mamlak and White agree with orthodox, historical Christianity that ‘Judeo-Christian’ is a contradiction in terms, even though that truth is yet to be discovered by contemporary evangelical and fundamentalist Christians” (Smyrna, August, 1993).
    Christianity and Judaism are two distinct religious inheritances, despite all the superficial attempts by modern scholars to manufacture a naive “Judeo-Christianity.” The very term “Judeo-Christian” is a mischievous misnomer without historical or Scriptural validity.
    The religions of the world are the product of progressive revelation to a diverse humanity, separately expressing as they do the great metaphysical realities of life. Attempts to distort or eliminate these unique, ancient and divinely ordained patterns, through non-divine syncretism and politically-motivated concoctions, is both anti-traditional and truly diabolical.
    Appeals to a nonexistent historical unity and calls for a banal, modernist theology do nothing for religious understanding and mutual respect. “Judeo-Christianity” should be seen for what it is – another secular twentieth century fraud, manufactured for narrow political ends, that is supremely disrespectful to all true believers.
    Any fundamental unity that does exist between world religions cannot be appreciated by ignorant and secular scholarship, but only through knowledge of the great primordial and universal truths.
    As Luc Benoist aptly wrote, “Our age is seeking a universal understanding which men of vision can already foresee and which is the longing of all great souls. There is ample evidence that the world’s economic problems can be solved without the different religions having to abandon their unique spiritual insights; after all, brotherly agreement does not prevent the individual growth of each member of the family, bodily separate, but united in heart and mind.” (The Esoteric Path).
    If Jews are Chosen, they are self-cosen who use their vast wealth to bribe and buy up political power to the point that they now control U.S. Government policies, both foreign an domestic.
    The question is, who is causing all the trouble? Why is our economy collapsing? Why are we fighting so many wars? Who are the REAL terrorists? Who’s behind the abortion slaughter? Who’s behind the nationalizing of American business? Who owns the federal reserve Bank (it is a privet bank)? Why do we pay interest on our own money?
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  19. Mr.Priest

    Yeah, people tend to make some things more complicated, like when you need to make a simple math calculation you would run after your calculator even though it is easily calculatable in mind. People should try to improve their memory just like training their muscles. Sometimes I listen to Christian music to study verses of Bible – easy and enjoyable way to train memory and learn of few verses of Bible by heart. Amazingly – but you can use them nearly every day in multiple situations and that make people treat you as if you are a priest ))

  20. Paul

    Mapquest is my favorite online map as well! May be because it was the first map I started to use… so they managed to squeeze into this market prior to Google Maps. MapQuest is about streets of Birmingham and Manchester, London and Leeds.

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