“I love my life with my wife”

A few months ago, I found a few of my husband’s best friends from high school on Facebook. I showed PigHunter and he asked me if I could contact them on his behalf. I sent them messages and that very same day both friends had returned my messages and added me as a friend.
PigHunter was confused by this. “Why did they add YOU as a friend? They’re MY friends, not YOUR friends!” I had to explain to him that, oh, I don’t know, because HE DIDN’T HAVE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT AND I DID? Like, Facebook doesn’t magically create accounts for people, you have to create one yourself, dude.
You see, my husband doesn’t understand most things on the internet. The entire concept of creating accounts and passwords is lost on him. He’s like “I tried to log into my email, but it won’t let me. I don’t get it– I entered my first and last name! What is going on here!?”
It’s THAT bad.
On Monday I received a friend request with a message that said “Hi, this is tj, me and PigHunter used to hang out all of time in high school. Could you please tell him I said hi?”
I called my husband at work to tell him about the message.
“Some woman named TJ sent a request to be my friend on facebook. She said you used to hang out all of the time.” He was all “we were just friends!” And I was all “Whatever, I wrote her back and told her I’d give you the message.” I then proceeded to tell him that if Caroline ever found him and requested to be my friend I’d hit IGNORE and tell that bitch to step off. “Why would you do that?” He asked. “Because, I saw what you wrote about her in your yearbook. I will NEVER friend her, just so you know.” And he got all… upset? Which of course means he totally would cheat on me with her. So I was all “Fine! I’ll just make you your own facebook account so you can friend your GIRLFRIEND, YOU ASS.”
And I did.
I had the following conversation with a friend the morning after I created his account.
Me: in other news, I made Tony a facebook page. And I’m plastering my pictures all over it because bitches from high school be friending him and sending him messages.
Her: Hahahahhahaa
Her: Hobbies: Lovin my wife
Me: hahhahahdlahfadlhflakhsf;alhksdaaa
Me: “loving my wife. Thinking about my beautiful wife all day and while surfing the internet”
Her: I just go follow the links my wife provides!
Me: “Status: I haven’t approved your friend requests until now because my wife just told me my password, since she is the one who knows it and WILL USE IT.”
Her: Dude, he needs a blinkie icon that says “lovin my wife”
Me: I’m using this as his profile picture!
I showed him the conversation when he came home from work and once I assured him I had not, nor would I ever, put that picture on his profile page, he laughed and laughed!
And then he asked me to log him into his account so he could see who had sent friend requests! I did and he had 10 requests, half from women.
That is where the real fun began.
I was all “want me to accept her request?”
He was all “No! I didn’t like her in high school! Why would I want to be her friend?”
And I was all “accepting her request doesn’t mean you literally have to be her friend. People just like to friend people they knew in high school so they can see what you’re up to and stuff like that.”
“I don’t give a shit– it’s none of her business what I am up to!”
I started to feel bad for this girl so I tried to convince him to accept her request.
“She’s friends with your other friends! Babe, just accept it. She’ll probably just say Hi and you’ll never have to talk to her again. You don’t have to ACTUALLY BE HER FRIEND. Like, we’re not going to invite her over for dinner.”
“It says F-R-I-E-N-D request, implying we’re friends!”
“oh my God, no…”
And then he got Very Serious. “Drop it, Y. I’m not accepting! I don’t want to be her friend!”
Turns out, my husband’s facebook account is the funniest thing in my life right now. I can’t wait for the requests to rolling in. The JOY it brings to my soul to watch him struggle with the decision of allowing someone to be his “friend” or not. JOY!
I’m tempted to ask all of you to friend him just to watch his head explode.

45 thoughts on ““I love my life with my wife”

  1. Misagracie

    OMG that is hilarious – I’ve run into the same thing. “Habibi, can you go online and check my [insert credit card or cell usage balance here]? I forgot [the password/username/web site/how to use a computer].” or the fact that he starts a new email account at gmail or hotmail because he forgets the user name or password. Men are prescious.
    Good luck with all your new friends!

  2. tina

    OMG. That’s hysterical. My hubby is the same way. I set up his facebook and made sure I had his password so I could check to make sure no “old” girlfriends were trying to get in touch! 🙂
    Given that one recently did that via the USPS mail!!!!!

  3. Gina

    That’s hilarious! And pretty much exactly how I would expect my husband to deal with Facebook (which he has no idea even exists right now).

  4. ajnabi

    Yup. That’s why I deleted my account with my actual name and re-did it with my online name. That way I don’t have to worry about people who ditched me lo these many years ago commenting on photos and stuff. (Not that there were that many, it’s just that there were a few and I guess they feel bad now or they wanted a chance to see if they ruined my life and oh I sound more and more pathetic as this goes on so I’ll just stop now.) Anyway, I would totally friend PigHunter except that I’m scared of a Y smackdown. 😉 I’d rather friend you.

  5. Susan

    Oh gosh, imagine if he were on MySpace and had to pick his “Top 8” friends. I admit, that’s one of the reasons I quit MySpace after 5 whole days — couldn’t handle the stress!

  6. Y

    I thought I had put this in draft mode as I wasn’t done with the entry yet, but, HAHA NO! I published. Ack. Anyway– I want to say I completely respect that he’s protective of who he friends and doesn’t. That’s the way he is in real life, wouldn’t expect him to be different online.
    It was just really funny watching him refuse to friend pretty much EVERY SINGLE PERSON who was not his very good friend in HS. He’s the best, though. That man.
    Also? I didn’t include the part where I forgot to make it clear I was joking about controlling who he friends or doesn’t HELLO? I friended my 6th grade love of my life and also the first boy I kissed. I would be a hypocrite to tell him he couldn’t do the same.
    I suppose I should have just edited the post….

  7. Becky

    My next door neighbor has a mini van, right? And FOR SERIOUS he has a bumper sticker that says “I Love My Wife.”
    I didn’t know whether to laugh and point or just laugh.

  8. Amy

    That’s it… I’m totally confirming my husband’s FB account now. (I created one for him, but then I never went into his email to confirm it. “That’ll take too long, I need to check MY facebook now.)

  9. Kate

    I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I’ve also enjoyed your weightloss blog, but when I went there today, it said I needed a code. Is this something you can supply? I would really appreciate it!

  10. elizabeth

    My husband is like this too. He doesn’t want to be friends with some of my relatives and people he didn’t like in high school because he doesn’t want them seeing all his stuff. He is hardly ever on it, except rare mobile updates.
    Occasionally, I go into his account and accept greenpatch requests from myself so I can get points.

  11. Kristie

    At least your husband gives two hoots about who he friends. I can’t even get my husband to make a Facebook account, or to care about anyone on Facebook. He thinks the whole thing is a total waste of time …. which makes me sort of sad for him. Because clearly, the time I spend on Facebook could be put to no better use!! (oh wait, that’s not right, is it?) 🙂

  12. LPC

    Boys never really do figure out the “friend” concept. If it ain’t parallel play they don’t want to do it. Like if you have to look someone in the face, ick.

  13. Miss

    *snicker* Make sure to tell him that chick will probably pop up in the “recommended friends” box. And stay there.
    See this here is the reason why your site is called Joy UNEXPECTED.

  14. JennC

    oh man, too funny. My mother is like that with internet stuff – she emails, does her bills, buys off of ebay once in a while, and that’s about it. Anything else is just a foreign concept (or porn (obviously)). One time my dad asked me what the difference between facebook and MySpace was – she GLARED at him. Because apparently, if he gets a facebook or MySpace account he will be on line ALL THE TIME. MAKING FRIENDS. With WHORES. DOING WHORE-LIKE THINGS.

  15. Vickie

    Seriously, this is quite possibly the funniest thing I have read in six months. And trust me, I read 8th grade essays every other day. And they are funny. Just not HAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA funny. They’re “OmGGGGGG HOW incredibly BAD DO THESE PEOPLE WRITE it’s SO BAD it’s FUNNY” funny.
    You are a master.

  16. Kay

    That is hilarious but I am with Pig Hunter. If I hated them in school I haven’t changed my thinking since but nope, if I wouldn’t say hi to you in the grocery store you aren’t my facebook “friend” implied or otherwise!

  17. Empera

    Hey Y OMG I am going to add you to my facebook I will send you a request so you can see my hubby’s profile, LMAO I totally did the same thing! Gawd it’s funny how some women just love to torture their husband’s, I find it a real stress reliever!

  18. Nicki

    Seriously funny. I totally am stealing that blinkie and hacking my husband’s facebook account now. And what will be really funny is that he’s a computer security “expert” so it’ll be super embarassing that he got hacked by his WIFE! Yes!!
    Plus I happen to know my husband DID accept the friend request from an unrequited love. This is serious business.

  19. kimberly

    OT: Y, I see in your twitter you went to a Zumba class. Did you really? Did you love it?! I teach it now, because I started taking classes way back in ’06 (which, I feel the need to say, was way after I started reading your blog…) and it helped me lose a ton of weight. Please tell me what you thought! Who taught it? I hope it sucked you in. It’s good at that. 🙂 OK sorry for hijacking your comments.

  20. Jenna

    Thanks for the laugh. You are such a riot! I love your blog. Cheers to you and to Pighunter finding Facebook Friending Zen.

  21. Julia

    HA I totally just hijacked my husbands facebook and put that pitcure up as his profile pic…heheheh…wonder how mad he is about to get …!!! ROFLMFAO!

  22. Andrea

    Hee…I’m one of those people that will not click accept if we’re not really friends. ESPECIALLY if they are from my high school years. That seems silly to me. If we weren’t friends then why would I pretend to be friends now.
    But I’ve got Flickr peeps in the mix that I’m not “friends” with but, they’re Flickr peeps that I’m familiar with and we already interact in this sort of format, ya know?
    I dunno…when it comes to the “real life friends” situation, I look at it like PigHunter does. ; )

  23. Jen

    I TOTALLY set my husband up a FB account. When he was watching me I told him I’d use his hotmail account info. So I enterred his username and then his password for his hotmail. He wondered how I knew that. I didn’t realize he didn’t know I knew his password….ooops! 🙂

  24. jules

    This is why we all love you Y!
    I started friending people from high school that I wasn’t particularly good friends with-and I have become really good friends with many of them now online and looking forward to a reunion this summer. People are pretty different 20 years down the road when you don’t have the annoying high school immaturity to get in the way.

  25. Michelle

    I just want to say that this post is HILARIOUS but at the same time I agree with PH. FB can be really scary and some people get really carried away with the whole “on-line” persona. My eyes filled with tears when I read Paula’s post…the exact same thing happened to a friend of mine. FB can be a lot of fun but it has also destroyed a lot of families and relationships.

  26. Baby Favorite

    OMG, he & my husband are twins separated at birth! Not only does my husband not GET anything online, he is exactly the same way about the “friend” stuff! I set him up an account on MySpace, and my GOD, he flips out over the stupidest shit (friend requests, etc.). They are SUCH DORKS! I am totally making him a Facebook account tonight, and I’m stealing your I LOVE MY WIFE icon. That’ll teach him! LOL

  27. JesseeezMOm

    Be careful is my two cents! JesseezDad and I went to his 20 yr reunion and you would not believe all the (not threatening or weird) “oh I loved your husband in school, blah blah, he was so kewl”, to which I was very flattered to hear! I know I’m a lucky girl!
    To the extreme “I left my husband and kids at home in CT because I was hoping to hook up with JD at the reunion (said after she had some drinks)” acckk! He had not seen her in 20 years- and at the time we were married 15 years. Creepy McCreepster! We still laugh about her and what the heck was she thinking? By thinking that would actually happen, much less saying it OUT LOUD to Me! His Wife! Mother of his Child! I can honestly say at this point in my life I may not have been as confident as I was then, I was very close friends with Dr. Atkins and it showed! today, well um I like carbs but they have not been my friend but I am working on it 🙂

  28. jesseeezmom

    ps I forgot to mention the woman coming on to my husband at the reunion, had married her high school sweetheart- the one she left at home w/their kids to meet up with my husband at the reunion. My husband had no idea that she had any of these thoughts for him. Some women have mid life crisis as well.

  29. carmen

    Y, your hubby and mine are the same way.
    “Tell me again – what does cc mean in the email? Do I need to fill in the bcc? How do I know if someone sent me an email?”
    Yeah. It’s like that. And FORGET Facebook – he never has and never will understand it.

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