Things That Make Me Excited, Childhood Crush Edition

My daughter is in love with Keith Urban.
I know. She’s only 5! She doesn’t know what love is!
She’s in the kind of love that you fall in when you’re playing house with your friends and you need a pretend husband. She’ll be playing house and she’ll be like “Okay, Mommy. Keith Urban is my husband.” And I’ll go “No! He’s MY husband.” And she’ll go “no, Mommy! He’s my husband. You’re married to Daddy!” And I’ll go “But we’re playing house! I don’t want to be married to daddy when we’re playing house! I want to be married to Keith Urban!” And she’ll get all pissed and go “Mom! I said it first! He’s my husband! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”
You know what I’m talking about, right? We all had our Pretend Husbands when we were little girls. The Pretend Husband you’d fight your sister for. You’d be all “I AM MARRIED TO THE GOPHER YOU STUPID HEAD!” And then you’d rip her hair out. Or, maybe that was just me and MY sister.
I can remember 2 Pretend Husbands from my childhood. I’m sure I had more. But there were only 2 that I remember having ACTUAL PHYSICAL FIGHTS over.
Doc from The Love Boat and Ponch from CHiPs.
I can’t really explain Doc. I think I was in love with His Brains. But Ponch? I don’t think I HAVE to explain Ponch. He was dark. And sexy. And had Great Hair/Great Teeth. His smile made you want to “stand reaaaaally close to him” so you could have his babies. (Because THAT is how babies are made, you know. My Mom told me so. Don’t believe her? IT’S IN THE BIBLE.)
Even though I’ve grown up, my crush for Ponch has lasted all of these years. Even now, when I see him on cheesy reality shows, I feel a little tingle in my… um… “heart.” If I’m being honest, my mouth is watering right now thinking about that dark, delicious man.
There is a point to this post, I promise. In fact, let me just go ahead and get the the point now.
“The Point- in pictures
Ponch says, THUMBS UP!
I met my Childhood Pretend Husband, you guys. I can only hope I got close enough to be carrying his baby right about now. Fingers crossed!
(Details will be given on my review blog later today. Or tomorrow. Or by the end of this week. You know how I am.)

43 thoughts on “Things That Make Me Excited, Childhood Crush Edition

  1. vickie

    (I was so in love with him……)

  2. Amy M

    he is definitely checking you out like you’re the tastiest thing on the menu!!!! just an observation!! your hair looks great – please please tell me the highlights and such were done at home by you so i can quickly copy it??? if not, i’ll just have to suck it up and continue to be envious!
    p.s. loved your post on trust!!! your kids are very lucky to have such a great mom!

  3. Lena

    AHHHHH! Yvonne. Not only was this post hysterical, but those pics are too awesome. My favorite show was CHiPS!!
    P.S. – I’m in San Francisco this week – did I tell you?

  4. Lessa

    DUDE. DUUUUUUUUUUUDE! Now me, I totally preferred John rather than Ponch, but that’s ok, but he’s TOTALLY CHECKING YOU OUT in picture three – thats baby makin stuff RIGHT THERE!
    I’m so jealous. Can someone send me to meet Bo Duke (John Schnieder, not that newbie dude)? PLEASE?

  5. Katie

    I love reading your blog, you always make me laugh. And now I am so jealous, Ponch was my first crush! When I was little my family would take drives on Sundays to look at the “fancy” houses, and one had “Estrada” on the mailbox, and I totally thought that’s where he lived. I also won a mirrored picture of him at the fair- sadly my brat of a sister broke it. By the way, I only tell this story to people who ask me why I married a Mexican (yes, people actually ask me that)… because of my love for Ponch!

  6. Sarcastic Journalist

    I thought of you last night. During adult time. Which is kind of gross…but I wasn’t thinking of you naked.
    I probably should have just emailed this to you. Except we haven’t emailed in awhile…so that’s kind of odd for me to start of a “how’ve ya been” email with that kind of knowledge.

  7. sassy

    When my girl was in middle school I would tell her that Dierks Bentley was my boyfriend and she would say “no he is my boyfriend!” and then I would tell her that he was singing DIRECTLY to me and then she said…
    “You are too old for Dierks Bentley”.

  8. Edie

    Holy hell you SO hugged Ponch! And like spoke actual words to him! Did you tell him he was your Pretend Husband?
    MY pretend husband was Johnny Gage. Probably no one knows who that is but he was on a show called Emergency that was popular about a thousand years ago. I was about 5 years old and me and my doll (mine and Johnnys daughter) were watching “daddy at work” one night. Johnny was going down a bank to get to a car that had rolled (the show was about these 2 paramedics fellas) and he got bit by a rattlesnake. I screamed bloody murder and covered my dolls eyes and yelled, “DON’T LOOK DON’T LOOK!” and then hugged her and told her daddy would be ok. Sigh.

  9. Kel P.

    I am so insanely jealous of you meeting Ponch. He was my childhood crush too (along with The Fonz).
    Just this morning I told my guy that I WILL meet Ponch before I die and I WILL be kissing him on his cheek.
    Lucky Lucky LUCKY you!
    (and I have to chime in with a previous commenter who talked about ‘Johnny Gage’…played by Randolph Mantooth. He was dreamy too!!)
    There’s my childhood right there:
    Happy Days, CHIPs, Emergency, and The Monkees.
    Good times. So simple.

  10. Leah

    That’s awesome!! I used to love that show. My main crush was Bret Michaels. Now I am grown and I went to see him in concert recently and the 12 year old little girl buried somewhere deep within smiled. It was awesome!

  11. Mo

    This is awesome! I was ALL ABOUT Ponch (and not so much Jon) and, yes, even Doc, when I was a kid. Oddly, I found Richie Cunningham kinda hawt too.

  12. marjorie

    That’s awesome! By the way, in the third picture I noticed that he was sort of looking down and I think that, um, he may have been looking at, you know, your titties. Don’t try to tell us that you didn’t visually check out his, ah, manly area. You know the area I mean.

  13. kate

    Heart be still – you and Ponch together. IN REAL LIFE! And holy heck – he’s check you out.
    you’re great! You know that right?! Absolutely wonderful!

  14. Christine

    Oh that’s SO cool! You went to Stand up for Skateboards!!! I wanted to go so badly, but we were busy doing other stuff. 🙁 Did you meet Jon Favreau? You are so lucky!!!

  15. andrea

    Totally delurking, literally after years, to say this because that’s how strong I feel about it.
    You look amazing. Absolutely amazing.
    What do I have to do? A cardio monkey dance at the gym?

  16. Lottifish

    My pretend Husband was always Uncle Jesse from Full House. A few weeks before I got married I even had a dream that he came and kidnapped me in the middle of my rehearsal dinner and told me that I couldn’t get married because he loved me. Lol.

  17. Karla

    He’s my pretend husband. I was 3 and would kick, scream and cry to watch Chips. I was in love with Ponch!

  18. Masked Mom

    I was more John’s girl than Ponch’s (mostly because my sister had it bad for Ponch and we NEVER agreed on anything), but Doc on Loveboat? I had it bad for him–there was something not just about the brains but about his voice that came back to me at the mention of his name.
    Also, I have had in the last five years (at the tender age of late-thirty-something-early-forty-something) a dream in which I was dating Jerry Ohrbach (of Law & Order) but cheating on him with Erik Estrada.

  19. AA

    I hate to break it to you. I don’t think you will be having his baby. He was wearing protection. You should have tried to get the vest off BEFORE the hugging. Apparently his mom talked to him about girls.

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