Six. Teen.

The last time I wrote about my health I had just completed six weeks of boot camp. (One of the best things I’ve ever done for myself!) I was feeling strong, fit, capable of doing anything I put my mind to! I was on my way to my goal weight and to being my healthiest self.
I was so proud of myself, not for the weight loss, but for my dedication and hard work. For making my health– myself-– a priority.
Just after I finished up boot camp, life got a bit complicated. There was a new job with new hours that caused a shift in our daily schedules, making it difficult for me to find time for exercise. I dealt with the emotional trauma of watching my Grandmother die from Asshole Cancer. The time issue caused a grocery shopping issue which caused a Eating Too Much Fast Food Issue, which caused a Feel Like Crap and Gained Sixteen Pounds Issue.

Sixteen pounds is a lot of weight. The weight gain is evident, clothes don’t fit, my body looks different. But more importantly, and the thing that bothers me the most is how unhealthy I feel physically.
Why did I allow this to happen to myself? I have an auto-immune disease. Eating right and staying physically active are both vital to my overall well being. I know this and yet?
Sixteen pounds.
I’m struggling to rebound from this personal health set back. I feel shame for failing, for letting this happen. I know that getting back on track will be a matter of taking small, practical steps (going grocery shopping weekly, planning meals, setting a specific time to workout every day.) And yet, I feel so overwhelmed, questioning whether it’s possible to get back to that Good Place of health and happiness again.
One day at a time, I tell myself. One day at a time.

16 thoughts on “Six. Teen.

  1. Lavina

    You are not alone. It’s so hard to see the numbers on the scale slowly going up instead of down. I’m kicking myself for letting the number slip back up as well. I actually took some pictures of myself just today so that hopefully I can use them as my before shots yet again. It was a struggle to lose the weight and it’s hard to find the drive and motivation to do it again but you’re strong and you have an excellent support system. More than what the average person who has to go it alone has!! Best of luck to you on once again getting to your feel good place. I’ll see you there!!

  2. Maddy

    Shame? Oh please, no, don’t do that to yourself. You’ve had a shovel-load of things to cope with. Hang on to the great feeling of pride you had on completing boot camp.

  3. Amanda

    One triumph at a time, one smile at a time and one “why the heck not” at a time.
    You’ll do it, with this post you already are.

  4. Diana

    I’m with you, Y. This summer I was working out with a trainer three times a week, feeling STRONG and sexy and healthy. My trainer went out of town and we never seemed to reconnect and I just never picked it back up. Now I’m probably about 15 lbs heavier and in so much worse shape. It’s time to hit the gym again. And for good.

  5. Nancy P

    please kick that shame to the curb. I find you a constant source of inspiration. In 2008 after cheating death by cancer I started going to the gym regularly and worked with a trainer for a few months. I was determined to get and stay healthy. Somewhere along the way I stopped going to the gym etc etc. I NEED to get off my butt and also eat better yet I let my depression keep me from doing so. I am crossing my fingers that THIS is my year. I have no doubt you will get back on the horse. You are such a force!

  6. Kate

    You can do this. You have done it before, and you’re stronger and healthier than you ever were before when you faced this demon.
    Pulling for you all the way!

  7. Ninotchka

    I’m right there with you on the weight struggles. It’s wholly unfair. For the past 4 years I’ve felt like I’ve been on a runaway train of weight gain and setbacks despite my efforts. It’s a tough pill to swallow. Hang in, Y!
    PS I love how you refer to it as Asshole Cancer. That’s awesome.

  8. liz

    Step away from the scale and focus not on weight but on how you feel. Weight is just a number.
    Eat what makes you feel healthier. Exercise because it makes you feel (and be) healthier.

  9. Mallory

    Don’t give up! Don’t let this bring you down. You’ll feel so much better when you get back on track. (Trying to convince myself of this also!)

  10. FireMom

    Oh, Y! I hear you.
    I gained 30 pounds last year with my back injury, the inability to work out because of said back injury and the self-loathing because of not working out and weight gain that just lent itself to overeating. Lovely cycle, no?
    I decided that this year will be my get healthy year. My first step is to get my back fixed — which may involve surgery which may mean not working out even longer. But if it’s the first step, it’s the first step. It may very well be a LONG ASS time until I can start losing this weight, but I’m making healthy choices that will only be better for my future.
    You can do this. We can do this. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re beautiful and strong and awesome. I still find you to be an inspiration!

  11. Michelle

    I don’t usually comment, but I wanted to say thank you for this post. I feel exactly the same way. I lost more than 25 pounds, and have gained it back over the past two years because of health issues. I too feel ashamed, frustrated and (some days) hopeless.
    Don’t give up! One day at a time, as you say. I’ll repeat those words to myself too. We can be there again. We’ve done it before, after all.

  12. Sandra

    IT IS POSSIBLE. I, too, suffered some backsliding in the past few months… I, too, need to get back on track… I will if you will.. LET’S GO, GIRL!!

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