if I give you the last bite of something I am eating, because the last bite is the most special bite, is it not?

Do not wake me up at 5:00 in the morning to ask me if I took your “turkey caller” off of the dresser.

I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to have to kiss my son goodbye and watch him leave to go fight a war. That man, who was once your little baby. The little baby you struggled for hours and hours to give birth to, but forgot the pain as soon as you saw his beautiful face, sweet little finger and toes, and felt his smooth, new skin. The baby you would wake up with every three hours every night and hold to your breast to give him the nourishment he needed to live and to stare at him in amazement while he slept. The baby that provided you years of joy, laughter, tears and wonderful memories as you watched him grow.
I can’t imagine the fear, every time you hear of a battle, or of a soldier captured or shot and wondering if it was your baby. Not knowing if they’re sick or injured or scared. And not being able to tell them how much you love them at that very moment when they need to hear it most.
I can’t even imagine having to say goodbye not knowing if I’d ever see my baby again.
I can’t even imagine the pride I would feel that my baby grew up to be so loyal to the country that afforded him and his family the opportunities to be whatever they wanted to be, to say whatever they wanted to say, to love whom ever they wanted to love.
My heart goes out to the mothers who had to kiss their babies goodbye and who sit in fear and worry every minute of everyday, yet whom I am sure beams with pride every second of everyday at the brave and selfless child they have raised.

A few months back, Ethans bunny died. Her name was Sarah. It was one of the saddest things I can ever remember.
I went out to feed the bunnies in the morning while the kids were getting ready for school. Right away I noticed Sarah (Ethans bunny) was laying there stiff as a board. My heart sunk because I knew how much Ethan loved her. I didn’t know what to do. As I turned around to come inside, I realized Ethan was standing right behind me.
“What’s wrong with Sarah, mommy? Why isn’t she moving?” “I’m sorry, sweetheart, Sarah died.”

He started to cry so hard. I just picked him up and held him as he sobbed. Of course I was crying like a baby, too. It was heart wrenching. We had a long talk about Sarah being in animal heaven and how Sarah would be his little angel now and watch over him during the day. This seemed to comfort him.

I took him to school and told his teacher what had happened and told him to call me if he was having a hard time during the day. He was fine all day, and when I picked him up the first thing he said to me was this.
“Mommy, can Sarah hear me?” I told him, yes, that Sarah would hear him if he wanted to talk to her. He said “okay mommy , excuse me for a minute.” He turned around, looked up to the sky, blew a kiss and said “goodbye Sarah, I love you so much and I’ll miss you.”

Oh. my. God. I lost it. It was the sweetest thing ever.

I tell this story because my husband wants to get rid of our dog. He’s becoming a pain in the ass. He’s digging everywhere and he gets out when we’re not home. Anyway, I’m completely against it because my kids are totally attached to the dog and I don’t think you just get rid of a dog when he gets to be too much work. I think it sends a bad message to the kids, and it’s cruel. I told him I’m not going to let him do it because it will break the kids hearts. I know he’s just feeling frustrated right now and I honestly don’t think he could ever do that. But still, to even suggest it. Ugh.

Today I talked to Ethan about it and told him daddy wanted to get rid of him, so he better start helping take care of him. He got the biggest frown I’ve ever seen, put his head down and said “it’s just like Sarah, if you get rid of him my heart is going to feel sad like I did about Sarah when she died.”
Ouch! THERE IS NO WAY WE ARE GETTING RID OF THE DOG!

i got so excited this morning when i looked out and saw it had started to rain. of course, it only rained for a few minutes and i don’t even think you can call it rain, it was more of a drizzle.
i miss the rain, it’s been so dry here. i want it to pour down rain. i love the rain. when it rains, i love to lay on the sofa by the window and listen to the rain fall from the roof onto the ground below. i love to get in my car and drive around when it’s pouring rain. i love seeing the water rush down the street, the puddles. or watching people who forgot their umbrellas as they run for cover to get into their cars.
i love watching my kids play in the rain. i let them go outside when it’s pouring. they run around and scream or jump in the puddles. i love when they pick up sticks and leaves and stand at the edge of the curb, drop the stick into the water running down the street and watch the water carry it out of sight. i used to do that. i used to wish i had a little boat i could get into and just let the water carry me away.
rain *sigh* i miss it and i hope that it starts pouring down any second now!

I was talking on the phone with my sister tonight and we were reminiscing about when we used to play “house” when we were younger. The first order of business when playing house was to pick out a boyfriend/husband. It was a given that a fight would break out sometime during the whole “picking our spouse” process. It usually went something like this:
me: let’s play house
sis: ok, i get fonzie.
me: nooooo, i get fonzie.
sis: no, i said it first, fonzie’s mine
me: but that’s not fair, we didn’t say we were picking yet.
me: fine, i get gopher.
sis: ok, you can have fonzie and i’ll have gopher
me: no, you got fonzie.
sis: (in a smart tone) yah, but you said you wanted him so you can have him
me: i don’t want him anymore
sis: you’re just saying that to be a brat
me: well i think fonzies stupid anyway
sis: (whining) no he’s not, you’re just saying that because you’re mad cuz i got
him first.
me: oh yah? *slap*
sis: *screaming* *kick*
me: *pulling her hair*
her: *biting me*
mom: Lord Jesus what is going on in here?!
me *bleeding* she got fonzie then so i got gopher but then she wanted gopher but i said no because i got him first….

I think you get the idea

I swear, that happened every time we played house.

Now, I know we weren’t like most kids, we were a little “special” (because of the whole “Pastor’s Kid” thing) but I do wonder if any one else can relate to this.
it’s late, i’m rambling. i’m gonna go to bed and dream about my man.

I really hate the way that I wait until the last minute to take care of things! You’d think I would have learn my lesson by now, but no… Here it is, the night before I leave to New York, and I have nothing ready. No clothes packed, umm, I don’t even have clothes. You see, I had the bright idea that I’d wait til Wednesday and take care of it all then. What I wasn’t planning on was my husband, my parents and my sister being out of town this week, or, my brother having surgery, so therefore, I have no one to help me with the kids while I do my “running around.”
I attempted to take them with me this evening, OH MY GOD, what a disaster!! They were, let me try to remember, oh, yeah,  “tired, bored, hungry, thirsty” oh and they “had to go to the bathroom, their stomachs hurt, their feet hurt.” What else? Oh,  they were fighting, running, jumping, and break dancing. None of my pleas for them to stop worked, so I did what every good mother does… I grabbed them by the arm, took them up to the counter, winked at the sales associate and said angrily, “Excuse me ma’am, could you please *wink* call the police officer who handles the disobedient children *wink* and tell him to please come get my children to put them in the *wink* store holding cell until I’m finished shopping?” *wink*

This lady had kids, I knew it by the way she looked at me. She was saying “good one lady. I’ve got your back on this!:  She picked up the phone and my kids start crying! I’m trying not to laugh because they are totally buying it. ! She hung up the phone and tells them if they agree to behave she won’t call after all. They agreed are were on their best behavior for about 15 minutes. But then they saw the naked mannequins modeling the thongs and all hell broke loose. There is laughing and giggling and things like “hey, watch, I’m gonna touch her vagina!”   

Shopping success NOT achieved.
Needless to stay, I still have all my shopping to do, and cleaning and all the little things I have to take care of before I go. I wonder, will I make my flight on time?

God help me.