Category Archives: random

If only wishes came true

I wish that women didn’t base their self worth on how a man treats them, but instead learned to find the good and beauty inside of them and learned to love themselves.
I wish that people would take responsibility for their own actions and quit blaming everyone else for their problems.
I wish that every child was born to a mother and father who loved them and cherished them as though they were angels sent from heaven instead of neglecting, beating and belittling them.
I wish that people were honest and spoke truths instead of lies and hurtful, untrue gossip.
I wish that people would look to the heart of a person instead of judging them on their appearance.
I wish that elderly people were given respect and love instead of being abused, mocked and disregarded as though they weren’t human.
I wish that people didn’t have to live on the streets or in cars and that every person could go to bed full and content instead of starving and cold.
I wish that people could admit when they were wrong and just say sorry.
I wish people would realize the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Some things I will never understand.

I will never understand why people LEAVE THIER CHILDREN LOCKED IN CARS WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP. What the hell are these people thinking? What is so hard about taking your children inside with you????? I can say I have never nor will I ever leave my kids in the car. It doesn’t make any sense.
Yesterday, a woman left her 2 foster children in her Escalade for 5 hours while she went inside the day care she works at. It was 100 degrees outside. She came back to find the kids dead. How senseless.
It angers me so much. My sister found a new born baby in a car last summer and freaked out. She called 911 and almost broke the window of the car because she said the baby stopped crying, she thought the baby might be dying. The police came and at the same time the mother came running out. She was shopping at Old Navy while her baby was burning alive in the car. What kind of human being actually thinks leaving your child in a car is even an option? What the fuck is wrong with people?

The plane, the plane.

One of my favorite memories as a child was when my dad would take the whole family down to the airport to sit in the dirt roadway and watch them take off and land.
It was the greatest thing to us. My dad would say “jump in the car and let’s go for an ice cream”. We would scream and jump in the back of the station wagon, go through the drive thru at McDonalds to get a cone, then head on down the street to the airport.
Once we were there, we’d park in this little dirt road just off to the side of the run way and sit on the hood of the car. Back then, there was nothing but a little chain link fence between the road and the runway, so you could see the take offs and landings perfectly. We would sit there for hours and watch. I couldn’t get enough of it, it was so exciting for me. My dad would always end up having to drag me back into the car because I didn’t ever want to leave.
I have always wanted to take my kids to do the same thing, but now the airport is completely different and there isn’t anywhere to sit and watch like there was before. It makes me sad because as corny as it may sound, it was so much fun to sit there as a family, eating ice cream and watching these huge planes touch down on the runway and come to a screaching stop.
Still to this day, when I see a plane taking off from the distance, I will follow it with my eyes until it disappears into the sky and I think back to the days of being a little girl, sitting on the hood of my dads station wagon, with my head on his shoulders, waiting for the next plane to take off or land. My brothers and sister would be running around in the dirt, licking their ice creams, laughing…
That memory just makes me smile because all was right in my little world back then.

Real hos don’t do it in tents.

My husband wants to go camping this summer. That’s fine with me, he can go wtih the boys, but I refuse to go.
I am such a “girl” when it comes to camping. I’m totally not into roughin’ it.
I told him the only way I’ll go is if he rents me a big ass motor home with a shower and a kitchen.
He says that’s not camping. Camping, in his opinion, is pitching a tent and eating army rations.
Well then, I’m not going. I am not going for 3 days without a shower and I don’t care if they have showers on the camp grounds, chances are they’re nasty and I am not standing on no floor where I have no idea whos juice has dripped on that floor. Oh hell no.
Then there’s the campfire. I hate the smell of fire all up in my hair.
All of my friends who have been camping say I don’t know what I’m missing, that it’s a wonderful experience.
Oh, so sad for me, too bad I’ll never experience it, but y’all have fun with the bugs and the dirt and the stank and the bears and the disgusting food and the nasty bathrooms.
I’ll stay here at home with the air on and take showers all day, watch TV, look at pictures of me and Jay, eat skinny cows and piss and take dumps on my freshly scrubbed toilet while reading E.E. Cummings poetry.

Can I get you a snack?

That thing people say about not going grocery shopping when you’re hungry… that’s good advice, heed it.
I went to get toilet paper and ice and ended up spending $57.58.
Anyone want a pop tart? How about some doritos? Some cookies with peanut butter in the middle? No? How about some rice pudding? Fruit? A triscuit?

Just to see you smile…

It’s so hard watching people you love suffer from something you know all to well because you’ve been there and are fighting hard every day to not go back.
I’m talking of depression and anxiety.
Last night the friend that cancelled said she was having a hard time with anxiety and wasn’t well. She’d hoped I’d understand.
At first I was upset, then I stopped and thought, that was me just a couple months ago. I was terrified to step out of my house because of how I looked. I felt like a monster. I have gained weight and let myself go. I didn’t want the world to see me. No matter how hard people would try and beg for me to go, no matter how hard they tried to convince me that I would have fun “once I was there” I couldn’t make myself do it. I still fight those fears everytime I step out of my house, but each time I feel stronger and I have finally realized I have been letting me life pass me by. I don’t want to do that anymore, but it took a lot of hard work, love and talking to get me to this point.
I wanted to tell my friend to just do it, to get dressed and come have some fun. I knew that once she got there she’d have the time of her life. Tony told me to call her and tell her that. I tried, she didn’t answer.
I tried to explain this to my husband. When you’re in that condition, you can’t comprehend that you could actually have fun if you went out. You dread it, you fear it, fear controls you. It’s horrible and the worst part is no one can do anything to convince you otherwise. It’s as though you are a prisoner of your own mind.
It’s so hard to watch someone else go through it, now that the fog has lifted from my eyes and I’m stronger. I feel so helpless. I just wish I could help, but I know from experience it’s something only you yourself can fix, with lots of love and support from others, of course. All I can do is be there to cheer her on and tell her I love her and be there to hold her while she cries and when she feels she can’t go on, but the one thing I want to do more than anything in this world, make her happy again, I can’t do and it pains me deeply.
Sigh.