I still can’t believe I have a daughter.
And she’s beautiful.
And she loves to PULL MY HAIR.
You can’t see her hand there, but it has a hand full of my hair in it. That’s her new thing, pulling my hair, every chance she gets. It reminds me why I cut all of my beautiful long hair off after I had my first baby. I couldn’t take the constant pulling and ripping out of the hair.
But this post isn’t about the fact that my daughter is ripping my hair out of my scalp. This is about how beautiful she is and how lucky I feel to have her in my life.
If you want to make it into something it isn’t? You can make it about how shiny and beautiful our hair is.
COOKAY!
***
I am going to fess up and admit to something that I am totally ashamed of with the hope that people will yell and scream at me, maybe even cuss me out and mock me so that you can help SAVE ME FROM WHAT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE…
I just ate SIX HEATH BAR COOKIES.
SIX OF THEM.
And there are 5 more left. And I want to eat them, too. Because they are really REALLY good. And chewy with a hint of crispy. And sweet.
But they are also very FATTENING. And if I keep eating them, I hinder my really amazing weight loss, and I don’t want to do that.
BUT THEY ARE SO GOOD.
How good are they? So good that I just ATE SIX OF THEM. IN A ROW. WITHOUT STOPPING FOR AIR.
And yes, I really do struggle with food like this, and NO I am not exaggerating and YES, that is how I got so fat and NO I am not going to let this ONE EPISODE stop me from getting to my goal and YES I am a little bit screwed up in the head when it comes to food and NO, do not tell me I’ve never told you that before because YES I have.
Ah, there. I don’t want anymore cookies.
I love my blog.
Really stupid things that piss me off, part1
I know I’m probably the only one in the world who gets pissed about this… BUT, I HATE IT when my neighbors dumb friends park their thrashed cars in front of MY HOUSE when there is room in front of their house. I mean, WHY? If there was no where else to park? Fine.
But there was TONS AND TONS of space for them to park in front of the HOUSE THEY ARE VISITING, and I have proof.
(click to enlarge so you can read commentary)
And that, my friends, pisses me off.
Why?
I have no idea. It just does.
My balls don’t dance they just fill up my pants
Why in the hell didn’t anyone tell me it wasn’t “EDDIE are you ok?” (Well, Melly told me, but that was just last week and I’ve been singing it that way my ENTIRE LIFE!)
And who in the hell is Annie anyway? Not that I knew who Eddie was, but still…
Surely, I can’t be the only one who has thought that all of these years.
Special Sauce!!!
Joe likes to make me special things that make me laugh til I pee pee. I had to share his latest creation…
Low FAT cheese
***
Since the Humiliating, Yet Very Much Needed Emotional Breakdown At The Weight Watchers Meeting, I’ve been kicking and burning much ass-age in the battle to lose 75 more pounds. It was some kind of a breakthrough for me. I realised how all of the stupid hangups that I have, all of the negative self talk, all of that nonsense was holding me back from reaching my goals. I’m letting all of that go, ALL OF IT.
Example… I went back to the gym. And I started doing weights. This is a big deal for me because in the past, when I’d put on weight, I wouldn’t go to the gym because I thought I WAS TOO FAT. Crazy, no? And then when I would go? I’d be too embarrassed to use the weights because I was afraid of how dumb I’d look as a fat girl trying to do weights. I finally realised how pathetic and binding that kind of mentality is. This is about ME, not about what other people think.
I’m trying really hard to not get all cheesy here, but I feel so liberated right now. Freed from years of negative feelings about myself and my body. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate the way I look right now, but the way I’m dealing with it is much different and entirely more healthy both physically and mentally. Instead of sitting on the couch with a bag of chips and dip crying “I am so fat and ugly and no one loves me because I’m a horrid monster” I’m at the gym, lifting weights, saying “You ARE fat, but you WILL lose it because you are worth it!!”
See? Cheese, but TRUTH cheese.
I’ve added the lastest picture. Ethan took it this morning. I am now 209 pounds, down from the 230 I was in the first picture. Yes, my face is still colored out, but you’ll see it’s only one black line this time, because it’s starting not to hurt to look at myself. Who knows, maybe next time I’ll just show my damn face.
DUH!
***
I heard Ethan’s bus coming down the street, so I thought I’d run out, hide behind the tree and scare him when he walked by. I waited, only to hear him yell “Mom, quit trying to hide! I can see you!”
I was confused. “How can he see me?” I thought, “I’m BEHIND THE TREE”
Then it hit me…
Like, Omigod, she’s SO PRETTY!
My daughter has the sweetest disposition. Well, except when she gets pissed because the boob in her mouth isn’t the left boob. Other than that? She’s smiley and sweet and precious and giggly and kissy and just downright ANGELIC. *cue angels singing*
I look at her and I can’t help but cry like a little sissygirl. Just because she’s so damn cute.
And she’s mine
My sister was making fun of me because I emailed her pictures, and I wrote “I make pretty babies, huh?”
She was all “You didn’t make her… GOD DID!”
And I was all “Whatever, she came of out MY vagina!”
I win.
And for breakfast? Cottage CHEEEEEESE!
So, the feeling I’m getting is that everyone LOVES THE CHEESE! Ok, maybe they don’t “love it” but people are definitely digging the CHEESE!
Melly? not really feeling my cheese. Are you feeling it? DO YOU WANT TO FEEL MY CHEESE?
OK! Enough with the cheese.
It’s funny, even though I’ve only been away for what? A week? It feels like I’ve been away forever. Everytime something funny would happen, everytime something would annoy the crap out of me, everytime Gabby would smile, fart, puke in my mouth (and TRUST ME, you haven’t LIVED until you’ve gone to kiss a baby only to be blessed with tittymilk puke IN YOUR MOUTH),giggle, poop in the tub, pee while I was changing her, everytime Tony said something hilarious, I’d want to run to my computer to write about it, but I couldn’t! It was a tragedy! And I’m not exaggerating at ALL! I missed it.
And you missed me. YOU DID! I have the emails to prove it. Damn, it feels good to be missed.
But it does NOT feel good the day after a really good workout. No, it doesn’t at all. I hurt everywhere. And for the first time in years, I can feel my ASSBONES. Or muscles, whatever, it’s funnier to call them assbones. I didn’t realise how much I MISSED working out. That’s right, I missed it. I missed the sweating, the aching, the pain, but I did NOT miss OTHER PEOPLES STICKY ASS SWEAT ON THE MACHINES because they are TOO LAZY TO WIPE IT OFF! That’s just not cool, people, wipe the sticky stuff. Thank you.
With that, I must go eat breakfast before The Boss of me wakes up.
Introducing…The Cheese&trade
Where do I start?
How about I start by thanking Sphinxy for helping me with EVERYTHING and for making me a new design with Jay Mohr, whom everyone knows I love and who “likes me alot” right back and who is REALLY HOT. Oh how I love him. She really is too good to me. She still is working on a few things, but she said I can post, so A’ POSTIN’ I GO.
Second? Thank you for all of the emails. People actually LIKE me, that’s insane! Thank you.
Now, let’s just get the very CHEESY new url out of the way, ok? Because I know you’re thinking, “holy crap, she’s gone all soft on us!”
I can’t help it. My little baby girl has turned me into one big ball of cheesy, sweet goodness. I’m like a 13 year old girl in love for the first time who can’t shutup about how TOTALLY in love she is. Ma’Melly said “I don’t even know who you are anymore”. And I have to agree. My baby girl has changed me. For the better, believe me.
It was time to change. I’m no longer “confused.” I’m no longer sad. Or empty. Or angry. Or bitter. Or any of those things that the old blog reminded me of. SEE? CHEEEEEEEEEEESE.
I will admit that the thought of changing was forced on me, but once “that” happened, I realised that yes, it was time to move on to a new chapter. (Although I will FULLY admit that I was sad I’d lose my 1,000 hits a day. Yeah, I care about that. YOU DO TOO, admit it!)
Oh for CHRISSAKES. IT’S A DOMAIN CHANGE! It’s not like I had a heart attack and had to contemplate life, I JUST CHANGED URLS!!! I know, I KNOW THIS… but it feels good to move on, to change, to grow.
THE CHEESE MUST STOP. MAKE IT STOP BEFORE I KILL MYSELF CHOKING ON CHEESE. please?
Feel free to link me, blogroll me, whatever, just refer to me simply as “Y” or link to the title of the blog “Joy Unexpected” No references to “the old” place would be greatly appreciated.
Ok now, If you found me… SAY SOMETHING ALREADY.