The Answer to Loving Myself, My Body.

This morning I read a post I had written in 2007. You may be familiar with the post– I read it at live the first BlogHer Keynote in 2008.

As I read it again this morning, I marveled at how much I’ve changed. “What is the answer?” I asked in the post.

I never thought I’d find the answer. I truly believed that I would always feel that way about myself, my body.

Six years later, I can honestly say that I no longer allow my weight or the way that I view my body to negatively affect the way that I live my life. Turns out that for me, the answer was to change my behavior. I began to take care of myself, to treat myself with the same respect that I treat others in my life.

I work out daily. I make healthy food choices, but don’t deprive myself. I never turn down an invitation to spend time with family or friends because of my weight. I don’t feel guilty for spending money on taking care of myself. Boot camp is not cheap, but I’m worth the expense. It keeps me active

, healthy and motivated.

I’ve been doing boot camp since September of last year and I still weigh 184 pounds. I still wear a size 14. I still have bumps and lumps on my chubby legs. I have sagging skin from the weight loss. I still struggle with the way my body looks at times, I would be lying if I said I didn’t. But here’s the difference– I no longer focus on those things. I focus on how strong I feel, I focus on the joy that I feel when I’m spending time with family and friends. I focus on love, laughter, on living my life. I allow myself to feel proud of my accomplishments, no matter how small they may be. Did you know there was a time where I couldn’t run for five minutes without feeling like I was dying? But now, I can run (slowly) for three miles and feel TOTALLY GREAT when I’m done? I am proud of that. I CELEBRATE THAT.

For me, that has been the answer to stop the self hatred and to start enjoying life and loving who I am, in this imperfect but perfect for ME body.

19 thoughts on “The Answer to Loving Myself, My Body.

  1. Katy

    And you look absolutely beautiful too.

    I’ve been pregnant for like two years straight and am just now getting back into shape–although I’m not sure I was even in shape to begin with. Anyway, I can relate to this because I love feeling strong enough to pick up my one million kids. I like that I can walk and bend over without feeling like death. A healthy body feels good and I think that helps make a lot of other things more manageable (like the flap of skin that the twins left me with).

  2. Stacy @bklynstacy

    Hey, Y, this post is awesome. And I totally celebrate all it means along with you. I’m on that working-to-earn-back-my-respect curve after three years of not working out at all (and I used to be a dedicated runner!). But I’m also here because I wanted to tell you that one my very favorite all-time BlogHer memories is when I first met you at BlogHer ’10 in NYC, at CheeseburgHer and you were first out on the dance floor, with Lindsey, rocking this awesome pink-and-black-striped dress that fit you perfectly and dancing your ass off with a huge smile (smirk, actually!) on your face, and I remember thinking “Wow, man, she looks amazing. I wish I had that same I-love-living-in-this-body attitude.” So know that it shows — and that it inspires people all the hell the way across a room! xoxo

  3. Hil

    Three miles!!! Awesome. And those shots of your class doing the strength moves proves you are a badass. Congratulations!

  4. Jessica

    I love this! I’ve followed your journey for years and so much of what you have experienced has mirrored my life. I am watching bloggers I’ve adored decide to stop blogging and I so appreciate your writing and your willingness to share your story with me. Thank you!

  5. Katie

    You can see the joy all over your face, and it radiates!! Y I’ve been a fan for a really long time and am happy you have found peace with your body. I just turned 40 and something finally clicked within me as well. I am done beating myself up over not being whatever weight and size I think I should be. Man, if only I could go back in time and bitch slap the younger me that was hating herself for NO REASON! But I am totally gonna live and love the me I am right now- so I totally get it, Y!

  6. Stefanie

    You look like a knocked out curvalicious beautiful glowing woman. Don’t change anything. Also, I miss you very much. Why do you live so close yet so far?

  7. Skye

    For what it’s worth, I see you only once a year, but I have NEVER seen you looking anything other than great. And I’ve been impressed with your hard work to get stronger and healthier. Kudos, Y.

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