Last week something really awesome happened to my son.
I sent the link of a review my son wrote to Tony Hawk via Twitter. I didn’t expect he would actually read it, but of course, I hoped he would.
A few minutes later, I saw this reply:

And then I screamed, ran down the hall and said “OH MY GOD EEEETHAN! You have to see this!”
He read it. His eyes got big. “Is he talking about my review?”
“Yes!” I replied.
He tried to remain cool and calm about it.
Then, he smiled the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. I got up and hugged him. “How awesome is that? Tony Hawk just called your review ‘the best one yet!?'”
“Pretty cool.” he said. “I’m glad he liked it.”
I tweeted it, dm’d a few people, called a few people. I was happy for my Son. He had been nervous about writing the review, wondering if people would like it or not. But he had received great feedback in the comments and then? He got approval from Tony Hawk himself. It meant a lot to him. He was feeling pretty damn proud of himself.
Later that night, I got an email notification of a comment from someone named “Poop.”
If there is one thing I’ve learned in the 7 years I’ve been blogging it’s that any time someone named “Poop” leaves a comment on your blog, it’s not going to be good. (Same goes for “Nunya, Anon and SUCKMYDICK, fyi.)
I opened it up and as I read the cruel words that were meant solely to hurt my son, I could feel the rage rise up within me. I was pretty sure I knew who it was, but hard to know for sure because blogger does not note IP’s. (HATE YOU, Blogger!) I was so angry that I started to cry. I can take all of the assholery in the world directed at me. Call me whatever names you want, but my kids? Aw Hellz Naw.
I panicked because I did not want my son to see it. I deleted it as quickly as I could and immediately turned on comment moderation.
I’m still angry about it. I don’t understand that kind of behavior directed at an innocent child. What is so bad about that person’s life that drives her to do such a thing? And I don’t mean to be all “YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS, HATER!” But to stoop that low, to be that cruel, there has to be something sad about your life. There just has to be.
I’ve wanted to write about this before, to hear the different perspectives on the subject and I feel like what happened on my son’s post is the perfect time to bring this up.
Deleting comments.
I’ve never thought twice about deleting negative comments directed at my children. They come down immediately and the commenter is automatically blocked. But when it comes to comments directed at me? I leave them up. I’ve had friends email me and ask me why I allow such comments up on my site. My answer usually is as follows: I don’t really care if complete strangers think I’m fat or ugly or *insert insult here* It’s meaningless to me. With the exception of a very, very few Asshole Comments (And when I say “asshole comments.” I don’t mean “negative comments” or “disagree with me” type comments. I mean “crazy, obsessive, cruel, has absolutely nothing to do with the discussion” comments.) I don’t delete comments.
I’ve always felt like removing the comments is dishonest. I don’t want it to appear as though I only allow the kind comments and shut out any and all negative feedback. Not everyone appreciates, likes or tolerates my writing and I’ve always been okay allowing people to express their dislike. (Again, with the exception of the extreme assholes and by “extreme assoles” I mean “Christine in Alabama.”)
I have friends who don’t agree with the fact that I leave shitty comments up. Stefanie, for example. “It’s YOUR blog. You don’t have to allow people to be disrespectful or cruel in your comments.” She once said to me.
And I really couldn’t come up with a good response to that. Because it’s true.
Except that I can’t seem to get past the idea that deleting negative comments is dishonest. And please understand I’m not talking about dissenting/different opinions. Let me give an example.
I write a post about marriage and how it can be difficult at times. What I write makes some people upset.
Jessica writes: I think you are being incredibly selfish by not giving your husband blow jobs every night. Maybe if you tried that, he may be more willing to help you around the house.
POOP ON YOUR FACE writes: Your husband is so ugly and so is your stomach. No wonder he likes to have sex with you because your both SO UGLY. P.S. PUT THE BEAN DIP DOWN YOU FAT COW.
One comment is not very supportive, but appropriate in that NOT EVERYONE LOVES THE WAY YOU DO MARRIAGE WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Also? if you put it out there, people are going to have an opinion! And those opinions may not always be something you want to hear! The other one is just… assholery. The other one shouldn’t be allowed to stay, but if it were a real comment on a real post, I’d leave it up.
I’m not afraid of The Hate. The Hate doesn’t control me or effect my life. Like my good friend Jenny once said while drunk and wearing a wig “Celebrate The Hate!” (And trust me, The Hate can be HILARIOUS. See: WINNERS DO THE MATH!)
But the more I think about it the more I wonder. WHY? Why do I allow that kind of negativity here on this blog (that I pay for)? Not sure if I’m doing the right thing by allowing and condoning that kind of ugliness here.
What say you? How do you handle hateful comments on your blog?