Ethan crawled into bed with me early this morning. He was upset because he had a bad dream. I told him he could lay with me if that would make him feel better.
I haven’t been able to sleep since because I just keep looking at this beautiful little boy who I have been blessed with. He’s my child. My son. And he truly is a little angel.
I love my children more than I knew it was possible to love anyone. There’s a certain fear that comes with loving these little boys this much though.
Fear of losing them. Fear of them getting sick. Fear of them getting hurt.
Andrew developed a rash yesterday. It’s nasty looking and hurts him. I can’t stop worrying about it. I was going to take him to urgent care last night, but he begged me not to, he was too tired. So I got up at least 5 times last night to check on it and make sure he wasn’t getting a fever. I worry about them when they’re sick because my biggest fear is something bad happening to one of them.
When you love someone as much as I love my children, that thought, the thought of losing them, or something bad happening to them, is one I can’t bear. I don’t understand how parents go on after losing a child to a tradgedy or an illness. It has to be the worst kind of pain a human being can experience.
And I pray to God I never have to experience it.
*hugs* I hope Andrew is feeling better today.
You are such a wonderful mother Yvonne *hugs*
I too fear things like that.. so best try not to think to much about it.. or we’ll all be sat in tears =)
happy Sunday!
I know exactly what you mean. Kelsey and I have been all each other had for 9 1/2 years now. I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to her. The other thing that’s wierd is that when I think about having other kids, if I ever did, I don’t think I’d have the same kind of relationship with them that I do with Kelsey – which I know isn’t fair. Not that she’d be my favorite – it’s just a different relationship when the two of you have been on your own for so long!
Love is a leap of faith.
Some people are not capable of it…that leap.
They are not capable of giving that of themselves..they are afraid of just what you describe…that all encompassing ….”I don’t know what I would do if something happened to them” feeling
Your children will never understand how lucky they are to have parents who love them so.
Many children do not have that kind of love in their lives and never learn themselves how to take that leap to love another.
You are through your love…teaching your children how to love…blessing.
I know exactly what you mean. There have been times when I just get the sudden urge in the middle of the night to go check on them and see if they’re still breathing. Comes with the territory, I suppose.
I hope Andrew’s rash isn’t anything serious and that he feels better.
You’re such a good Mom.
Mmm, I hear ya. Wrote about the same thing a day or so ago, as my daughter’s sick. Boy, that’s got to be one of the most scary thoughts, for me anyway.