Because of that picture, I can finally forgive my mom for not coming through on Crazy Hat Day.

I’ve always been somewhat jealous of “creative” type people.
Especially Creative Moms.
I’m talking about the mom’s who can make their children halloween costumes, the kind moms who can decorate their children’s rooms and make them look like something out of a magazine. The moms who take unique, beautiful photographs of their children.
The kind of mom I certainly am NOT.
Not for lack of trying. Lord knows I try. But, I am just not a creative, artistic type person.
Of course, this is my mother’s fault.
My mother, Bless her fart. She, like me, did try. But the woman didn’t have a creative or artistic bone in her body. One look at the way she decorates her house and it’s obvious the women is creatively challenged. I always dreaded the “special event days” at school because I knew whatever it was, I would SUCK because my mom wouldn’t have a clue on how to help me.
I’ll never forget “Crazy Hat Day” in the 6th grade. All of my friends talked about how Wild n Kahraaaazzy their hats were going to be. Surely, I could out do them! Me and my mother would think of something that would make their hats cry.
The morning OF Crazy Hat Day. My mom still had not come up with any ideas for my hat. In an act of desperation, she ran out to the front yard. “I know!” she said. “We’ll pick some ivy and wrap it all around the hat with some sticks! That’s CRAAZZZZZY.”
I started to cry. “That’s not crazy! That’s dumb! I’m not wearing Ivy on my head!”
But that was all she could think of. In her totally uncreative mind, Ivy + Sticks = CRAAAZY.
Needless to day, I didn’t participate in Crazy Hat Day. Instead, I moped around all day, envious of all the other children and their Crazy Hats.
Had I known I would grow up to be JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, I wouldn’t have been such an ass about her inability to be creative.
How was I to know that I would one day think “My baby boy is going to be a clown for Halloween and I will paint his face just like a real clown and he will be so cute and everyone will love him because he will look just like a real clown because I know how to paint clown faces!” And then, years later, find the picture and realize that “OH MY GOD. THAT IS NOT WHAT A CLOWN FACE LOOKS LIKE! My poor child, I took him out in public like that and I bet the people were laughing at me because…. HAHAAAAAAAAAAA. It doesn’t look like a clown face at all, but, like, he tried to eat my lipstick and HOLY CRIZAP, I am my mother!”

And there is your proof that I am, indeed, artistically, and creatively challenged. You can never tell me that it is not true, because, LOOK AT MY SON’S FACE. I can’t even “draw a clown” people. The worst part is that, in my mind, that was a great clown face! Kind of like how my mom that Ivy on a hat was “crazy.” It wasn’t until years later that I can look and think “Wow, that was horrible. I really do suck at that art shit.”
But, do not feel sorry for me. Seriously. I may not be able to “paint clown faces”, or “make the walls in my house pretty”, but I most certainly CAN clip coupons whilst pooping. Artistic? No. But, I think we can all agree that’s something my kids can be proud of.

9 thoughts on “Because of that picture, I can finally forgive my mom for not coming through on Crazy Hat Day.

  1. Tammy/averagemom

    You know I think you’re an awesome mom, right? And I adore you in a totally not stalkerish way. But please, for the love of all small children, DO NOT do that to a child again. No more face painting for you. Having seen this picture, I am amazed that you manage to put your OWN makeup on so gorgeously. No more clowns. Stop the madness!

  2. Heatherg

    I’m still LMAO
    I’m not creative either. When you said your mom ran outside, i thought, “Ya- Great, Pinstraw and pine cones, that would be neat” but then you blew me down with the ivy……
    I too, am without a creative bone in my body and my house is also a decorators nightmare. But we are good moms because we try!! And Damnit, the kid looked like a clown if not for just one lousy minute! How were you to know that his drool would turn him into Maybeline going on strike?
    Funny girl, too funny!

  3. Debbie

    As far as creative goes…I can only copy and imitate others.
    Now I know why people fear clowns. Cute baby boy though. Poor little guy.

  4. Colleen

    I don’t have kids yet, but I think that I’m going to be one of those “uncreative” moms too…cuz I was unable to make neat crafts in grade school, I can’t neatly wrap presents to save my life and any thoughts of creatively decorating the house? Ummm, no.
    My creativity as well as yours, lies on paper and while that may seem like a boring, bad thing, it is not because you can journal about your memories with your kids. Your words today paint a vivid picture, a picture that will help you remember today’s event several years from now. All of those seemingly mundane events that your write about now will become precious memories to you and your loved ones.
    I consider myself the “family historian”. I write and take pictures and I’m sure my family will appreciate it in the future. As will yours.

  5. Beth

    Aw, it’s hard putting makeup on babies because they drool and rub it all off. I think if you had powdered over the mouth and nose makeup, it would’ve set better, but who wants to put powder on a baby’s face, anyway, with all the drooling and rubbing? You totally did what was appropriate and he looks adorable. 🙂 Besides, your kids will looooove reading your blog if you save it for them as grownups. ;^)

  6. Mellissa

    I can’t sew or paint faces or put outfits together or anything. I can knit squares, that’s about it. Thank the Lord for my mother-in-law.

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