The one in which I leave you a gift at the end as my reward for reading all the way through my weirdness. (But you can totally scroll down and not read it, because what’s important is that you watch.)

When The Queen of Everything (And fellow Meat Club member) tags you to do a meme, you do the freaking meme.
So, I’m supposed to list 6 weird facts/things/habits about myself. I could only think of 3, which in itself is weird, so I asked my husband to help me out.
“If you had to make a list that included weird facts about me, what would be on that list?”
Here are his answers and I am not making them up.
a) You don’t like peas.
b) You won’t use sponges becaues you’re afraid of germs (which, TOTALLY A LIE. I will use sponges, but only ONCE, then, I trash it.)
I think his list of things that make me weird actually make HIM look like The Weirdo. Not liking peas makes me WEIRD? I thought that made me Very Normal. Who in the hell LIKES PEAS?
So, because he was of no help whatsoever, I have been forced to come up with my own list. Here goes it.
1. During an earthquake, my first reaction is to run to the toilet to pee because OH MY GOD, what if the toilet system breaks and we are unable to use them for days? I MUST GET THE PEE OUT NOW! Obviously, now that I have kids, the first thing I do is check on them, bring them to a “safe place” and THEN I go pee. But, before kids? Straight to the bathroom I’d run. Infact! In 1992 there was a pretty large quake and I was on the toilet through most of it. PEEING!
2. I am scared of raw chicken. Any raw meat for that matter. I hate touching it and sometimes I’ll dry heave when cooking it. I am also very paranoid that the meat isn’t “cooked enough” and almost ALWAYS end up overcooking meat. For instance, last night, I cooked meatloaf. The instructions said to cook for one hour. I cooked it for 1:45, JUST TO BE SAFE. It tasted like Meatloaf jerky. BUT NO ONE DIED FROM ECOLI, SO THERE.
3. I HATE the taste of beer, BUT! The smell of beer? Makes me horny.
4. I am overly concerned with “Safety Issues” and whenever I am out in public, I am always “planning an escape route, just in case of emergency” and am also “scoping out possible safety hazards.” Example: when me and my sister went to see my brother’s group perform, I noticed there were candles on the tables, right next to dried out flowers. I panicked inside and started asking the people to a)either blow out the candles or b) move the dried flowers away from the candles because HELLO PEOPLE? Fire hazard. Another example? The club we went to on Saturday night was packed out and all I kept thinking was “OMG. What would we do if there was an earthquake?” I asked my sister if I was the only one worried about such a thing and her response was “Um, YES.” I played it off like “haha, I’m not really worried” but I secretly had scoped out the table in which I would dive under to “duck and cover.”
5. I’ve never admitted this one out loud to ANYONE. Oh man. Ok. Hello, my name is Y and I am afraid of wearing sunglasses when I drive because what if I get hit and my air bag goes off? Will the force of the airbag not push the sunglasses deep into my face, possibly pentrating my skull, leaving me a huge ass gaping hole in my face, or quite possible DEAD?
6. I take videos of myself doing aerobic dance moves named “The Monkey” and then add a little of my own choreography called “Da Butt” because I think I am such a great aerobic dancer (even though, haha, I really am a horrible dancer) and then POST THAT VIDEO ON MY BA-LAWWWWG for The Internet to see just to prove that I would SO BEAT YOU in a dance off.
I almost forgot! I am supposed to tag 6 people and I’m SO tagging people.

53 thoughts on “The one in which I leave you a gift at the end as my reward for reading all the way through my weirdness. (But you can totally scroll down and not read it, because what’s important is that you watch.)

  1. danelle

    I hate peas to. What is with all t hat mush? Yuck.
    I love the smell of alcohol (beer or otherwise) on a man’s breath. It turns me into a tiger..groowwl..
    I’m kinda weird about sponges too but what I do is just throw them in the dishwasher every time I run it. Presto. Sterile sponge.
    And…I guess I won’t tell you about the carcinogens (cancer causing agents) that occur when you overcook meat. {cough}

  2. geeky

    i’m right with you on #2. i always overcook chicken for that reason! i also have a strange paranoia about bad milk products too.

  3. kristal

    Shit. That is the second time I’ve been tagged now and I’m going to run out of people to tag by the time I get around to doing it.

  4. Itchy

    Peas are gross. Totally gross. Just…ew and gross. My hubby doesn’t like them either. When we met…we had to marry. 😛
    And…I wear my sunglasses when I drive…but don’t think that I’ve never had the thoughts of the airbag pushing them into my eyes and blinding me for life! Because I have. Lots of times.
    Third…I love that you tagged me. Truly I do. But…I just did this one earlier this week. I’m sure I could come up with 6 more weirdo things about myself…but I’m sure there is someone else hanging around here that would love to be tagged by you as much as I do! 🙂
    Now…I gotta go watch this great monkey dance video!

  5. Y

    Ha. that’s what I get for being behind on my blog reading, huh?
    I really have get caught up. Ah. Ok, you’re off the hook missy, now I must go read yours.

  6. Debbie

    Gee, thanks! I hate meme’s but now I will have to try and top your weirdness with my post tomorrow!!
    The smell of beer? Try just breathing and I think you get horny.
    Hey, that took a lot of guts to post that video. I would have been laughing to hard to even have taped myself doing that.

  7. gc

    I need to get lessons from you on how to do “Da Butt” because I just can’t do it.
    P.S. I think we have the same dining room set.

  8. Hed

    Since a I was a very young child, I REFUSED to drink milk at anyone else’s house. I thought, and still, for some bizarre reason, think their milk has cooties or something. Will. Not. Drink. It.

  9. ben

    I cannot work for the rest of the day, because everything I think about turns into THE MONKEY!!
    Other stuff:
    1) never been in an earthquake. Worst I’ve seen is probably bad storms w/ chance of tornadoes. What do I do? Turn on The Weather Channel.
    2) Send me your peas, please. Yum.
    3) Raw chicken doesn’t bother me. I worked at a chicken plant for years and if I can still EAT chicken? Whether it’s cooked or not sitting on the counter doesn’t bother me. (You don’t wanna know what happens to the chickens before they get to your grocery store. You just don’t.

  10. NinaKaye

    I just almost peed on my couch because of the video. That? Was funny!!!!!
    Okay, we don’t have earthquakes here. Instead we have tornadoes. But, I do the toilet thing during them. I swear I’ll die sitting on the toilet by a twister ripping the house to shreds. Even if it says “tornado watch” (which most of the time means nothing) I’m in the bathroom. Adding to that, I live in a mobile home, so I’m pretty much in a big tornado target already. I’m seriously going to die pooping.

  11. Natalie

    I’m with you on sponges…except I just microwave them. I swear, 15, 20, 25 seconds, whatever, and germs are dead. And your sponge is okay. Except very hot.
    I think I saw that on TLC. Seriously.
    And that comment above? Yeah I was banging on my keyboard to get it to actually work. Sorry about that. I promise that will not get you anywhere.

  12. Sara

    Um, that was one of the greatest monkeys I ever did see. It could’ve passed for krump dancing (Did you watch Top Model last night?).
    Also? Maybe you could tape a viewing of the television playing The Tape of you and Tony singing. Because I think I need that in my life.

  13. E

    That video is the funniest thing and you look so damn happy. But what’s even funnier is that your daughter is in the corner totally ignoring you and oblivious to your personal dance-off frenzy!

  14. Sarcastic Journalist

    Oh. My. Gosh.
    Holy. Freaking. Crap.
    Haha…my favorite part was how gabby didn’t even look at you getting all jiggy with it. Can I have that on DVD so I can play it over and over?

  15. demondoll

    That vid is the best- especially where Gabby isn’t even on to your shenanigans!
    Sponges ARE gross. You can microwave them or put them in the dishwasher to kill the germs.

  16. Y

    Do you want to know how self absorbed I am when it comes to dancing? I didn’t even realize Gabby was in that video. haha

  17. jonniker

    I’m fucking HOWLING, because dude, I totally plan escape routes and inform people of safety violations to the point where it humiliates – HUMILIATES – my husband.
    And meat. It should always be overcooked to avoid salmonella. But thanks to Sarah, I will spend my days worrying about colon cancer because of all the dead, blackened tissue I ingest on a weekly basis. That would be if my husband let me cook anymore, because everything I cook tastes like teriyaki shoe leather. With colon cancer. GREAT.

  18. halloweenlover

    I thought I was the only person that got turned on by the smell of beer, but hated the taste!
    I wear glasses to drive, and I’ve often thought that the airbags could break them and blind me by driving shards of glass into my eyes. Lovely thoughts, Y, thanks for reminding me.

  19. tonya cinnamon

    girl you aint right ! bahhahaha i was drinking my coffee when i saw your video hahahahaha.. your too funny ya you could have whupped that biotchs ass!!!:0)

  20. Adrienne

    HAHAHA! That was the best gift ever. I read through the whole meme happily because it was damn interesting. Thanks for making me paranoid about the sunglasses now. Grrrrrrrrreat. 😛 I wanted to comment on the rest of the meme but really, the video beats every single other thing on the list! Firstly, you look smokin’ hot. Secondly, WORK IT GIRL! Thirdly, Gabby is way too freakin’ cute. I love how she’s minding her own business over to the side.

  21. daniel

    Okay. Really. Like I was all excited to read your blog today, yanno, check in w/ you and the Gabbster.
    Then I found myself tagged. *whines* I’m taaagged. I don’t know how weird I am, but a bit sick maybe. Do you really want to read about my OCD? LOL!

  22. robyn

    Ok, I was laughing so hard I actually snorted and tears are streaming down my cheeks – thank you for the video heads-up. I’m not sure what was more hi-larious – the dance moves, or Gabby in the background totally oblivious. I’m so proud I’ve kissed you now.

  23. Maya

    I love the serious look on your face during the actual “monkey” move – your dance skills are no laughing matter!!! hee!

  24. baseballmom

    Ewwww. I totally hate raw meat too. Gross. Just reading about it makes me want to gag. I make my husband get all of the guts out of whole chickens from the store, and also cut them up if need be. That’s what husbands are for…to take care of all the gross stuff! I also hate watching people brush their teeth…it makes me want to throw up, even on commercials!

  25. laurie

    OMG. dude. that video rawks! You should do a video of all the dance moves you’ve learned at your classes!
    I love how your daughter is off in the background doing her own thing, she doesn’t even finch oneShe’s used to your funny ways!

  26. Heatherg

    I love sweet peas! I love 7-layer salad, which is a salad with frozen, non cooked sweet peas. I can eat the whole 7 layer salad dish by myself!
    FINALLY- thats what the monkey is, i’m so outta-date. You look good! I, too wear my hair in braids, its nice to see someone else in their 30’s doing it too, my kids tell me to grow up. They think i should wear it in a “mommy bun”
    Keep on going girl- you look great!

  27. Betty

    Found you via Daniel… and OMG! THAT VIDEO RAWKS!! LOL LOVE IT!!!
    And I’m sooo with you on #2 and #3. Sometimes I try to get my husband to drink when he knows he shouldn’t or doesn’t want to. I’m worse than his drunk sailor friends. hehe.

  28. Aj

    I’ve been tagged! And I think I survived. 🙂 Oh, but I am weird: I just did the more socially-acceptable anomalies.
    I’m SO there with you on the chicken. I tend to cook more with tofu simply because it’s not gonna kill a family member. I can’t tell you how many times the phone has rang while I’m cutting up chicken and I’ve had to yell, “Can somebody get that? I’m covered in death.” 🙂

  29. FlippyO

    I love peas, but they have to be bright green, not those dull green ones from a can.
    My parents were in a bad accident last year and my mom was wearing her sunglasses when the airbag inflated. She didn’t even get cut, so cross that one worry off your list.
    I’m just a boring, stand in the doorway during a quake, kinda girl.
    I would have the same worry about the candles and the dried flowers. I fear fire, I do.
    Love the video!

  30. Miranda

    That was hot. You would be the girl in the bar or club that I would be jealous of for being abe to dance. Also, your body looks great. I should look into aerobic dancing. Video tapes.

  31. Jess

    It’s been awhile since I did a comment on your site.
    I had to chuckle when you said you went to the bathroom with earthquakes… BUT at the club you were scoping tables… shouldn’t you have been scoping stalls??
    I’m SO missed reading your blog, but I had cleaned my links and then forgot to readd you. I’m glad to have found your blog again 🙂

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