Let the Deflating began!

I just returned home from watching my son “Represent” his class at the 3rd grade spelling bee.
As I walked into the room and saw him sitting at the front of the room, with his little “participant” ribbon amongst his Fellow Spellers, my heart exploded with pride. “That’s my boy! My amazing, unique, wonderful little boy.” I wanted to shout it out for all of the 3rd graders, parents and teacher to hear. Instead, I stood in the back quietly, giving him the “thumbs up” and blowing him kisses.
He was the last of the 10 kids to go and his word was “equipment.” He had a pad of paper and pencil and ONE MINUTE to spell the word. I thought he’d pass through to the next round without any problems. However, his nerves had taken over and instead of taking his time and getting it right, he blurted the word out as fast as he could.
“Equipment. E-Q-U-I-M-E-N-T. Equipment.”
AH! He was disqualified in the first round.
I could see the look of disappointment on his face, he was on the verge of tears. So, instead of scolding him for not taking his time and using the pen and paper to spell it out first, I walked over to him and said “I’m so proud of you, you have NOTHING to feel bad about. Out of all the kids sitting in this room, you made the top 10. Hold your head high and be proud of that.”
(Honest! I said all of that! The only thing missing from that Awesome Parental Speech was the cheesy soap opera background music.)
I meant what I said. However, I’m an extremely competitive person who has a hard time accepting defeat and since my son doesn’t read this, I’m going to go ahead and vent here real quick.
The truth is, I’m proud of that kid for making it as far as he did. He’s an incredibly smart boy and I don’t know that he’ll ever truly understand how proud he makes me on a daily basis.
But next time, use the pad of paper, kid.
Yesterday, I did not chicken out and I did go to see my doctor. The weight gain wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Five pounds. But still, five freaking pounds. But! [weight watcher leader mode] I’m not going to obsess over it! Because today, it’s all about being positive! And “looking at the bright side!” Because being negative breeds more negativity! DOWN WITH THE NEGATIVITY! Hey! at least it wasn’t 10 pounds! Positivity. P-O-S-I-T-I-V-I-T-Y. Positivity! [/weight watcher leader mode]
Excuse me for a minute. I just threw up in my mouth a lot.
My Doc ordered a buttload of tests, which I have yet to go have because I had G-Unit with me and I didn’t feel like trying to pee in a cup with her standing in between my legs giggling at my “Pachina.” I can’t remember all of the tests that he ordered (I’m not exaggerating when I said “Buttload.”) but I do know that he’s checking my thyroid and having x-rays done on my lower back. He also gave me a shot of B-12 and prescribed muscle relaxers because “my back is tight and full of knots.”
When he prescribed the muscle relaxers, he was all “You’re not still breastfeeding, are you?”
And I was all “Ummm. Yes! I am still producing and distrubiting the Tittymilk!” And he was all “well, you can’t take these pills then and you really need to be taking these pills” and I was all “Ok! I’ll stop today! No! Really! I will! Because Girlfriend kinda thinks she owns them and ha! ha! GET THIS! She acts like a dirty old man when she sees them. She giggles and wraps them in her arms and says “Oh boobies. Niiiiiiice boobies. Oh Boobies.” so, it’s time to stop anyway because SHE DOES NOT OWN THEM.” And he was all “Right, you tell her that they belong to Daddy.” And I was all “Uhhhh…um, hahaha, uh, yeah, daddy wants his titties back. hahah Um..I shaved my vagina for you today. hahah. Um, Hellooooo akwardness! CAN I GO NOW HAHA?”
(Word to my doctor: Having you talk about my boobs in “non clinical terms kinda makes me feel all weird inside so please don’t ever do it again because I don’t like feeling akward when you’re standing next to me.)
I’m happy (and yet very, very sad and conflicted because oh my GOD, this part of my life is coming to an end and my heart? It’s kind of hurting.) to report that my daughter did not partake of THE BOBS at all yesterday and has not partaken of them today either. She only asked for them once, but has since seemed to have forgotten about them (Except for when I was changing and she saw them and said “Ha! Ha! Boooobs. HI BOOBS!”) I expected it to be much harder on her than it’s actually turning out to be. It is I who is the one having a hard time with this. I’m sitting here feeling rejected, sad and as if I NO LONGER HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So, it’s official. Operation “Let The Tittymilk DRY UP” is in full effect and I am no longer a “Breastfeeding Mother.”

38 thoughts on “Let the Deflating began!

  1. ben

    (Except for when I was changing and she saw them and said “Ha! Ha! Boooobs. HI BOOBS!”)
    Oh, man, I can certainly relate to your daughter.

  2. tonya cinnamon

    the milk may dry up and no more breastfeeding but hey you can cherish the memories.
    and think more weight to come off
    good for your son!!!! on his spelling he tried ..
    as for the tests i hope truly all is well and its just some thing minor.. many hugs to you all!!!!

  3. Me

    Congrats on the dr visit- sounds like nothing serious! And 5 lbs could just be water weight…don’t sweat it. and now your internet world can stop wondering if Y is about to bite the dust. (yes I have actually prayed for you so stop your stinkin laughin!)
    But I thought you quit bobbing a month ago? Did I miss something…
    But truly the reason I’m posting today is the picture of you and hubby from 1990. It appeared at the top of the page, and somehow in my perusal of your flickr, I had missed it.
    OMG. Classic. Except you look about 15 and he looks about 35…making me wonder here. You aren’t from Salt Lake City are you?

  4. Lisa O

    OH my gosh I understand Y. I need to think about weaning my 14 month old (well not YET right?!!) and it makes me cringe. With my first she weaned herself at 8 months and I was perfectly OK with that. I think its harder with Laney because I know she is my last baby . . .
    Anywhooo good luck to you. On the POSITIVE note stopping breastfeeding altogether is supposed to boost weight loss.

  5. Y

    I love you for praying for me.
    And ha. I was 18 and he was 24. (They were our engagement pictures. OMG. I almost said “engorgement” pictures. I wonder why?!) I think it’s hilarious that I was allowed to be engaged at 18, but was still FORBIDDEN from wearing makeup or jewelry. Those crazy parents of mine.
    (Oh and I said I was going to TRY to stop last month, but I was too weak. This time, it’s for real)

  6. jonniker

    Um, did he actually say, “Those belong to Daddy?”
    Because if my doctor said that, I think I might throw up. No, really. Like, ewww.
    I’m not mature enough to talk about boobs with my doctor, unless we’re talking about something very clinical and maybe, a diagnosis.

  7. Me

    Engorgement was probably about right hee hee…my hubby’s a whopping 9.5 yrs older than me (oh I love the experienced man….mmmmm) and our engagement photos all look the same way…me a bright eyed bushy tailed infant (although being southern-fried, I’m wearing more Avon than Tammy Faye) and he’s a seasoned traveler, wearing the look of “oh yeah, soon to be legally mine, no more jail bait”, as he stares down the front of my dress.
    Our photog had SUCH a freakin adorable sense of humor (which was evidenced in the fact that she filmed our Suthun Bapteest weddin’ BAREFOOT. I had 5 attendants, 6 jr attendants, 7 flower girls, a ringbearer, jr groomsmen & groomsmen & ushers out the wazoo, and a BAREFOOT hippie photog.
    Who took the best pictures I’ve ever seen.

  8. Me

    I think I tinkled in my office chair.
    The photo collage from Y’s apparently 80’s era wedding. I SWEAR TO YOU that the picture in the lower right corner is the one that came in a frame I bought about a month ago from Garden Ridge. I even called my kids to start looking for it in the recycled paper bin.
    I can’t believe I’m getting my kicks hitting refresh a million gazillion times trying to see those wedding pics pop up at the top. What was it about the 80’s that was so addictive? Must let go…Must let go….Must let go….

  9. mikey

    [old man speech]
    Back when I was a kid…
    OK, no old man speech. But I have to say, I don’t think that a pencil and paper have any place near a spelling bee. Kudos to your son for having some sack and spelling the hard way – in his head. Now he’s just gotta learn how to take his time…
    For the record, I’m still pissed about losing a spelling bee back in elementary school. I think I got 4th place? I dunno. All I remember is that chlorine is spelled C-H-L-O-R-I-N-E.

  10. Y

    You know what? I actually agree with you. I was SHOCKED that they had pencil and paper. BUT! Since they did have it, I was kinda hoping he would have used it, just because I wanted him to win. But you just gave me an entirely new perspective on it. The kid is awesome and HA! I’m so proud of him for having the balls to do it without the pen and paper.

  11. Y

    Oh! And “Me”? I mean, “You”. (Ha. Tell me your name already!)
    You can read all about my wedding HERE.
    It’s classic.

  12. Melissa @ Organized Chaos

    Just found your blog recently – love it! I love that you take your Aerobic Dance seriosuly cuz I used to take my Step classes very seriously! 🙂
    Anyway… I was compelled to comment today on the breast comment your dr. made. (I just blogged about this the other day too) My dr. made a comment during my physical about my boobs too. I think I should take it as a compliment, but it was just too weird.

  13. Nina

    I’ve been wondering about your dr visit. Everytime you “talk” about some symptoms or something, I think I’m getting it too. hahaha
    Top 10 is good on the spelling thing. He should be proud!
    And…tomorrow we begin “Operation No Pacifier” around here. If you hear any loud yet distant crying, it’s me…I mean my kid. haha

  14. TeacherMom

    Dear Y –
    I stumbled onto your blog several months ago via the Sarcastic Journalist.(I’m a lurker) I hate to seem creepy, but I really enjoy reading your stuff. My kiddos are half grown now, but I can really feel your pain as far as toddlers and infants go. I was once a crazy mom of kids under the age of three. Just know it does get better. I have traded in the breast feeding and diaper changing for “frank” talk about sex and boners and periods (YIKES!) Hang in there, and if you would like to have a correspondence buddy. let me know.

  15. The Other Laurie

    Holy crap, woman. those were some bangs! Did you use a toothbrush, as I did, to frizz those puppies into the oblivion????
    I, too, had a horrendous dress. Poofy sleeves with pearl “feelers” sprouting out of them. And a big ass boy in the back. And ruffles. A ruffly train. I thought I was the shit.
    I still have that damn dress and I will so post a pic of myself in it…..present day.
    Good Lord.

  16. Denise

    “shaved my vagina for you today”
    You have just made my day a happy one.

  17. Steph

    OMG, Y! What a huge adjustment! Wow! I went through this with Bella a few months ago (I weaned her right after her 1 year birthday). It was soooooo hard on MEEEEEEE! She was all, “Whatever. I loved the boobs and now they are gone. See ya boobs!” and she only asked for them once and quickly recovered when I refused. Anyhow, it had to happen at some point, right? Your boobs will be KILLING you in a few days. Day 4 was my worst and I resorted to pumping for relief. I thought this would make me produce more milk (and I DIDN’T CARE because I needed relief!) but it didn’t and from then on I was another “Dry Momma”. Good luck!
    PS- Did you decide not to do the weight loss medicine then?

  18. demondoll

    It’s so great that your son made it to the top 10- and I hope I’m as supportive for my boy.
    I am always on the verge of responding inappropriately to doctors’ questions. “And do you use the condom everytime?” “No Doctor, we throw it away and get a fresh one…”

  19. sanders5

    Just came over from Sarcastic Journalist. Wow, can I relate to um … ALL of your post.
    First, your son and my daughter can start a club – we’ll make t-shirts. the same thing happened to my Emster.
    And? Drying up after my last was one of the most difficult mental shifts I’ve ever made. I was staring HARD at the Vasectomy Reversal billboards while my husband kept close watch over his boys.

  20. Nila

    Yay for Y! It’s time to take your body back girl! I commend you on nursing this long, I could only tolerate a month, being the selfish cow that I am. And the teeth on that girl, how did your poor bobs survive that?
    But what your Dr. said…that was creepy.

  21. Debbie

    Man, I needed a dose of you today!! I so empathize on the spelling bee thing. I would have been all over him – Why didn’t you write it down???? Why are you in such a hurry?? Your cousin is outdoing you??
    Glad you gave him the other speech though. The “I’m a Perfect Mom” one.

  22. Stacey

    Awww, good luck 🙂
    I don’t think we’ll ever wean over here, well, we will, just not for awhile.
    Pass me some muscle relaxants plzthnx. 😉

  23. Stacey

    Oh, and on a plus side, apparently you keep on like 10 pounds breastfeeding.
    I can’t WAIT to lose those 10 pounds. 😉

  24. Laura B.

    Oh, god! The post on your wedding was hysterical. I also got married when I was only 19. We got married at the courthouse and I was wearing a kahki skirt. Sob! We didn’t want a big deal wedding, but why oh why didn’t I plan just a simple ceremony and wear a damn wedding dress?!

  25. jenfromboston

    from my sister Emily when I asked her what word she’d missed at the spelling bee (had to be about same age as your son)
    i was cocky and spelled it ailEment….and I KNEW BETTER ( MOM, I AM SO NEVER GONNA NEED THAT WORD…DOH….)”

  26. beth


  27. PK

    I’m glad you went. I was going to say something encouraging/comforting about getting on the scale at the doc’s, but then I rememebered that I’m putting off my annual thyroid check until I way at least less than I weighed at the last one. Uh.

  28. leahpeah

    weaning was so hard. i totally know what you mean. it takes a little while to remember all the other stuff you are needed for. like ….everything else.

  29. oshee

    I am so proud of you for keeping your Dr’s appt.
    My GYN has never commented about my boobs..even when touching them. Should I be offended? LOL..I’m not..I adore my doc. He is the ultimate professional.

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