I was going through old files on my computer tonight and I saw a Word document titled “VAS.” Unable to remember what the hell it was about, I opened it up and found this one little paragraph.
When I walked into the bathroom and saw the freshly cut pubes laying atop a piece of toilet paper in a perfect “mound” of curly goodness, I dry heaved for a minute or eight, and but then, I smiled. And that smile grew into a full blown laugh as I shouted “This is going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to us!”
Oh! “VAS” = Vasectomy!
Today was the one year anniversary of The Vasectomy!
I don’t know why I never went back and tried to write about the experience in detail because honestly? It was one of the most hilarious days of my entire life.
(And the days following it were pretty damn funny too. COOKAYS!)
I remember everything about that day, from the fresh mound of shaven pubes, to the look on his face as the nurse called his name. But the part that I remember the most– the absolute best part of that day– (and probably of my existence) is when my husband opened the door to the waiting room after having had his sac sliced open and stitched back up.
Every man in there looked up at him, waiting for some sort of signal that it wasn’t as bad as they were imagining it to be. I could see the fear in their eyes. It was as if they were aching to scream “HOW BAD DID IT HURT, DUDE?” but instead, they watched my freshly sterilized husband as he stood there attempting to walk without looking like a complete jackass.
He stood there for a minute, unsure of what to do with all of the eyeballs staring at his wounded (but clothed) balls. He finally began to walk towards us with a walk that conveyed much pain and suffering.
“DON’T DO IT!” he shouted to the men who were watching his every move. “SERIOUSLY, do not go in there!”
No one laughed.
And because that wasn’t embarrassing enough, he said “Just kidding. It wasn’t that bad, I always walk like this, I ride horses for a living.”
He was dead to me until we got to the parking lot because… dude that was awkward. But oh, how we laugh about it now.
In all seriousness, I am grateful that my husband was willing to go through the procedure so that we could resume a normal sex life after an unplanned pregnancy. I know he was scared and would have rather NOT had his balls sliced open, but he did.
Because he loves (to have sex with) me.
Awww.
Does one offer congratulations for this? If so, HOORAY FOR THE CRAZY SEX!
You really do crack me up!
HA! I WAS FIRST!
o hurray! I will be pointing my charming husband to this post shortly.
HAHA oh man Y, you kill me. That is an absolutely awesome picture, too. Uh, congratulations! 😉
Oh Y, how did you get so awesome?
You are in my top five favorite bloggers and this posts is an excellent example of why. Yip, yip!
“It was one of the most hilarious days of my entire life.”
Have I told you how much I love you, lately?
I can hear you cracking up. right. now. in my head.
hahaha you are pure evil and i love you for it.
Lol. That was funny! Thanks for the laugh.
Oh you make me laugh so bad. Thanks.
I cannot BELIEVE Hallmark doesn’t make a card for this. 😉
I can’t wait for the day that Mr. Husband finally gets snipped. I will be making the cookies but will be laughing my ass off the whole day.
Has it been a year? I was here for that….and before, and yet I have NEVER left a comment. Y, you are my absolute favorite blogger. I have laughed so hard I’ve cried and I have bawled so hard my husband thought I was nuts. You ROCK!
So sentimentally wonderfully….
(And I have to confess, I’ve been storing away money to have my hubby’s vas reversed. And he’s in agreement. Our kids are almost out of the house, and we’re thinking about firing up the old weapon again. How twisted is that?)
SWEET! Two posts about penises (or is that penisi?) and vaginas and SEX!
I wish I could get mine to get the snip. We’re going on 7 years of tempting fate, if you know what I mean.
Aren’t you glad you are out of your parent’s house for this particular anniversary celebration? LOL. 😉
Y, you make me laugh like no other. Happy snip-versary!
I’m thinking about doing the procedure on my husband while he’s asleep.
Oh, that was more than a little funny. I LOVE that he yelled that to the guys in the waiting room. I just had my hubby read it, and he laughed too.
Because my husband also loves (to have sex with) me. 😉
Actually, That is pretty darn funny what your hubby did!! hahahahahahahaha I love it!!
actually, it WAS funny.
AFTER the fact. hahah
you should have stuffed a little tiny pillow with “the mound” and kept it as a keepsake of the big day.
happy anniversary.
and i don’t imagine we have to ask how you’re celebrating.
If your stats show that someone was on your site for 3 hrs this morning between approx 4 & 7 am eastern time, it was me. I read your page, then went back to bed but forgot to close it.
i think pighunter needs to start a blog, because DAMN, that was funny.
Holy crap, he yelled at the men in the waiting room?!?!?
THAT IS GENIUS.
Pighunter is my new hero. That “I ride horses for a living” comment? Brilliant!
Oh man. Yep, I would read Pighunter’s blog too, if it existed. You guys are dangerously hilarious.
wait, it’s been that long? i hope you’ve been having more jesus-approved sex that you ever have… (or, if the living with the ‘rents thing held ya’ll back, i hope the new place sees more lovin!)
I think you guys should start an Internet Campaign to make him start a blog
Oh, wait.
That would mean I’d have to teach him how to use the computer. And that I would have to share it with him.
HAHA.NEVERMIND
That is freakin funny! I remember the post about the cookays last year and I remember reading it to my DH. Ya’ll’s love was clear. Happy Snip-aversary?
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omg — still laughing — i LOVE how he handled himself (NOT LITERALLY, people!) in the waiting area. Fabulous.
rofl..that is freakin funny. can’t believe your hubby said those things to ..well..strangers.
My husband ASSISTED in his on vascetomy. Old country hospital, nurse had the runs, no one else to help.
Husband, being the freak of nature that watched my caesarian with wonder, was fascinated. Held the instruments, adjusted the to-be-operated-on area and asked if the doc had a mirror so he could watch.
Thank GOD there was no one else waiting or he probably would have donned the nurses uniform and scrubbed in!
Wow!!! He really does love you…you and not so much the sex..which I’m sure is wonderful..but you so you would no longer have to worry…what a guy…your so very lucky…you must be terrific too
Usually it’s your funny expressions that crack me up…today it’s pig hunters! Too funny!
What a great post… my hubby will be going soon for the same procedure! So glad it is not me going!
Has it been a year? Huh. That means it’s been about a year for us too. And it’s been a GOOD year. If y’know what I mean. And I think you do. 😀
That was SO funny and my own snip-versary is August 23 (2 years this past August.) I have a great picture of DH with a bag of frozen peas just sitting on the couch! It is so funny!!
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