I Guess What I’m Trying to Say is That I Am So Good.

Last week I had a follow up appointment with my new female endocrinologist.
My first visit with her was not fun. I had not had a period in almost 6 months. I could not lose weight no matter how much I worked out or watched what I ate. I felt tired all of the time, even though my thyroid numbers were finally in the normal range. I was an emotional and physical wreck.
I told her about my symptoms. I told her how my doctor told me to “just enjoy” not having a period. I told her about my frustration with my weight. I told her how I felt like no one was truly listening to me.
I cried.
And I cried.
And I cried some more.
It was embarrassing.
She listened. But more importantly, she heard what I was saying and she properly diagnosed me.
“I believe you’re insulin resistant.” She said. “I want to put you on a medication that will help your body be more sensitive to insulin.”
Out of desperation, I trusted her.
Turns out, I was right to trust her. She saved my life.
I’m sure that sounds dramatic, but if you had experienced the hell I was going through physically, you’d understand.
I’m thinner. I’m happier. I am NOT TIRED ALL OF THE TIME. I have periods every!single!month! without fail. I can think clearly again.
I feel joy again.
I feel so many things that I haven’t felt in years.
Good things. Beautiful things. HORNY THINGS.
Before I left her office, she told me she was going to order a new round of test, just to make sure all was truly well.
“If all your tests come back fine, I’ll want to see you again in 6 months.” She said.
“Sounds good to me.” I replied.
As we walked out of the room, she turned to me, put her hand on my shoulder and said “I’m really proud of you, Y.”
I tried to fight it, but I am an Emotional Asshole who can not control The Tears.
I started to cry.
“I am so grateful for what you did for me.” I said. “You actually listened to me and you NAILED IT. You gave me the answers I needed to finally get healthy again.”
“No.” she said. “You did it all. You did all of the work and you should be so proud of yourself.”
You know what?
I am proud of myself.
Proud that I stood up for myself, even though it was uncomfortable, even though it made OTHER people uncomfortable. I’m proud that I didn’t allow myself to be intimidated. That I said “You’re not doing a good job for me.” and sought out someone who could help me.
I have my readers to thank for giving me the courage I needed to do it. You told me I deserved someone who would listen. You told me to get a new doctor already. It was your comments I thought of as I typed the email to my doctor, basically saying “I don’t want to see you anymore.”
I can’t help it. This is the first time in years that I feel so full of life, energy and most of all, hope.
I am happy to say, my tests have all come back normal. Thyroid is great (.71, y’all!) B-12 levels are great! Kidneys and liver? FINE! Weight? Coming off. (Very. Slowly. BUT! It’s okay.)
Down 26 inches and 42 pounds. (Only 6 pounds away from the 180’s!)
For those of you who are brave enough to look, I am posting my current weight photos after the jump. Beware: there will be “sagging belly” and also CHEESY SMILES.

What 195 pounds looks like
(You can see previous weight photos here.)

88 thoughts on “I Guess What I’m Trying to Say is That I Am So Good.

  1. Mamacita

    I’m so proud of you. I’ve been proud of you all along, though. You were beautiful before and you’re beautiful now. Your beauty shines out of you from INSIDE. However, according to my husband and son, your outsides are pretty good lookin’ as well. πŸ™‚ Having a doctor who genuinely listens is so important, no matter why we are there to see him/her. Otherwise, we’re not being properly SEEN; we’re just checking in and out, and buying wall art and carpet for his/her mansion.
    You never gave up and you kept on trying and now, you’ve succeeded and are well on your way.
    I love you so much.

  2. Lesley @Avalea

    YAY! Yay for you! Yay for your doctor for getting it right! Yay for those hawt pictures! Continue to count me as part of that long list of being PROUD OF YOU! Way to go, lady! (hugs)

  3. Jenny @ crashtestmommy

    Girl, you’ve been through the wringer. You’ve earned a little happiness and hope.
    I am at the exact same weight as you and hoping to get down to at least 150, but like yours, my poundage is coming off very SLOOOOWWWWLLLYYY.
    I’ll keep looking to you for inspiration. Best to you.

  4. Beth

    You just gave me HOPE to see me endocr. re: my thyroid… it keeps “getting worse” and I’m struggling more than ever to lose weight. Thank you for inspiring me to go in!
    By the way, you look FANTASTIC!!! And, even better, it sounds like you’re feeling so great!!! Yay!!! =)

  5. Denise

    42 pounds lost? Dang! that is major! WOW. I can’t imagine achieving that. That’s pretty much all I want to lose and I can’t even imagine how good it would feel to do so. I’m so impressed that you did it! You look great and I’m so happy to hear you’re healthier, too! Yay, Y!

  6. Jessalee

    You look FANTASTIC! And your confidence just oozes out and slams right into that camera lens! Congratulations on tapping that inner strength that so many of us have a hard time finding! Yay for 195!

  7. Alison C

    I’m doing a happy dance over here for you!! So glad you did not let this defeat you and you are giving hope to lots of other people. You rock Y!

  8. Jana

    YES. Doctors who listen and nail it rock. And she’s right–you did the hard work. I’m glad you’re reaping the sweet rewards.

  9. Lydia

    You look AMAZING. So happy and gorgeous.
    You’re an inspiration to me, Y. I’ve started my own weight-loss blog (last year at this time I was at 355 pounds.. today I’m whittling my way down… 275 and losing!)

  10. KarateMom

    AWESOME! I’m so happy for you and proud of you!! You look awesome!
    I have a rant about doctors that I go on from time to time, and it’s that we are doctors’ CUSTOMERS, not their peons. They should have to WORK to keep our business, not treat us as though we’re stupid or KEEP US WAITING IN THEIR FREAKIN’ WAITING ROOM FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. I’ve left two doctors now because of poor customer service.

  11. Natasha A.

    That is so fantastic! And you look amazing!!!
    It makes me proud of my tiny 2 lbs weight loss I saw this morning πŸ™‚ It’s only been a month, but I am happy!
    You are an inspiration πŸ˜€

  12. Julia

    wow! amazing results — so great that you were your own best advocate! what an inspiration — oh and I call that the “mom apron” — “god knew that once I had children I would always need to wear an apron”

  13. Aurelia

    Thank you for sharing your story. You did what many people are afraid to do and that is take responsibility for their medical care.
    You also look great!!

  14. Angella

    I am SO PROUD OF YOU, Yvonne. I know I told you that on Saturday but I want you to see it in print.
    You positively glow with happiness. Plus, you look AMAZING.

  15. Procrastamom

    You look beautiful….well, you always have, but now you look truly happy too.
    And thanks Y. I’m going to mention this to my doctor, because all of those symptoms? I have every one of them. I hope she can help me.

  16. Rebecca (Bearca)

    OK, I tried to comment last night from my phone and it didn’t work. YOU LOOK GREAT! And more importantly, it’s awesome to see you feeling good physically and being happy. YAY Y!

  17. lani

    You look amazing, Y! You look awesome. I think that’s already been said/established. Along with others, I’m so, so happy for you. Good for you for sticking to your guns. For taking care of business. You are an inspiration.

  18. Katie

    Y, I am so very proud of you!!! I’ve read your blog for years, and I can hear the joy and energy that’s back in your posts. GO YOU!!!!

  19. Lar

    It may just be the PMS, but this brought tears to my eyes! Seriously, good for you–way to have the courage to stand up for yourself and to stick it out even when nothing was going well. Yay for you–you deserve it!

  20. Jennifer

    I say this with the utmost love and respect – You deserve to look as good as you feel. Treat yourself to a new pair of jeans that show it off. Those jeans are now way TOO BIG!!
    Congrats!! You should be proud of yourself.

  21. AmyB

    You look gorgeous! And a HELL of a lot sexier than the bags of bones we see in magazines these days. CONGRATS on this amazing triumph!

  22. jennster

    holy crap you are getting SO THIN!!!!!!! that is awesome and you look great!!!! so proud of you!!! so what does being insulin resistant mean???? i mean, i guess i could figure out what it literally means, but what did it mean FOR You?

  23. Jessica

    Wow!! You have made such an amazing change in your life and it has not only benefitted you but your family as well. Keep it up!!

  24. wyowoman

    Am de-lurking to say GO YOU!!! Don’t know you, will probably never meet you, but I love your blog and think you’re hilarious. But I’m also really proud of you, which makes the internet such a weird, but cool, space. =) That is a LOT of weight lost-not easy and good for you for sticking with it!

  25. Dalia

    That is great! What a great doctor you have. So many doctors would just dismiss you as it is all in your head and some even just say you are depressed, here is a pill. I applaud your doctor and I applaud you. Wonderful!

  26. danish

    I had an appt with an endocrinologist last week. I have been steadily gaining weight although I work out consistently, and pretty hard-core, 3x a week.
    He is testing my thyroid, adrenal, pituatary, cortisol levels and something else too. I go back in a week for the results.
    I thought of you while sitting in that office.
    I am sooooooo happy for you and your 42 # loss, HOLY CRAP! Good for you!
    You and your success are such an inspiration! Keep it up!

  27. Lise

    Yay! Congratulations! You have shown such amazing perseverence, doing everything “right” even when it wasn’t resulting in weight loss. I’m glad things are looking up for you.

  28. mom, again

    Good for you! I wrote one of those change your doc posts, and truthfully, I felt bad about it after. Because, you are a grown up and all and I had no right. Besides, it’s not like I’m the most insistent myself when it comes to doctors. I’m pretty compliant and then not happy later but not saying anything. So, who am I to tell you…
    I’d missed the new doc and new meds information last August. My own life was spinning. so I didn’t realize you’d only needed us to help you see your path.
    42 lbs in six months! I’m so impressed. I’ve just managed 6 in a month, and it’s been hard work. and I’ve got 80 to go. I know it’ll take a year or more to get there. But, if I can get halfway there in 6 months, that’s a whole different thing! You look fab! Truthfully, if I look that good at halfway to my goal, I may be just let it be at that point.

  29. Sugared Harpy

    I am so proud of you, too! And I just want you to know that it’s stories like yours that pushed me to recently find a new ob/gyn. Now that I’ve found a new amazing doctor, I can’t believe I spent so much time with the old one.
    Also, the suck doctor was a man. New doctor is a woman. I think it matter in women’s health. Every male doctor I ever had brushed off my concerns, she LISTENED.
    Yay for you!

  30. Erin

    But more importantly, I’m so glad you feel amazing. I have just started back at my weight loss and you are such in inspiration. Well, actually, you’re an inspiration for lots of reasons, but this is a HUGE one.
    I’m so happy for you.
    Delurked, Erin

  31. Karen Chatters

    You look like a BAD ASS!!! I’m so glad you feel better, have energy and are loving life. And your hard work, it’s totally paying off! You’re kicking ass and taking names!
    You should be really proud of all you’ve accomplished.

  32. Alice

    You. Kick. Ass.
    I am so happy for you, so proud of you, and so thankful that you’ve been so brave and forthright about all of this. Being upfront about the hard stuff, the scary stuff, the parts of life that make us want to go and hide under the covers is HARD. And knowing that you’ve had the strength to not only be upfront about it, but to confront people about it? And that I played a teeny tiny role in helping you use that strength?
    That is a gift, Y, and I want to thank you for it. Rock on.

  33. Beth

    Wow, I wanted to cry when I read that your doctor told you she’s proud of you. Damn right, she’s proud of you! You’re awesome! And you look gorgeous! I’m just so damned happy for you!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  34. Ambry

    Damn girl! You look awesome! Congratulations on all your hard work paying off. & huzzah that you found a doctor who listens. Hoping for more good news in the future!!

  35. Carley

    Congrats! I’m so happy that you are feeling better and hopeful and all of it. You deserve a million cheesy smiles! πŸ™‚

  36. Deb

    You’re a great example of why we need to be our own strongest advocate when it comes to our health. It’s a great message that we need to not be afraid to push the issue with our doctors because, after all, they are supposed to be serving the patients! Congrats on the great accomplishment!

  37. Rachael

    First off, I am SO SO GLAD that you found an amazing doctor who listened, who cares, and who has helped so much. It can take a really long time to find that person.
    Secondly, you are seriously such an inspiration to me. As someone with thyroid problems who also had no one listening and who has had a LOT of trouble losing weight, it is incredibly inspiring to me to see what you have done. I know how amazing it must feel, and someday I’ll get there too. You give me hope!

  38. Lee Laughlin

    Girl!! You are garoooovin’!! I too am on the dreaded metf*rmin. I can’t exercise as much as I want yet, but I’m working on it and I am being rewarded. When I went to try on clothes for Blissdom last week, stuff fit that had not 1 year ago. YAY!! Keep goin’ you deserve it!!

  39. Megan Potter

    I would like to begin by saying, I totally understand; I understand what it felt like to lose your mind and what it feels like to have your life saved (though I never found a doctor willing to medicate me). I thought it might help you to know that someone else really does, totally, understand.
    Congratulations on making so much progress! Committing to change is so difficult; I think you might be my hero!

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