This morning, I made a doctor appointment to have my eye checked out again.
It’s been blurry– I’ve been unable to focus. Especially in the morning, but also throughout the day. I figured the infection had come back and I’d need another prescription for more eye drops.
Then my doctor said things like “numb your eye” and “stain your eye” and “ulcer in your eye.”
So, he gave me some ointment, said I had to come back tomorrow to see if things were any better. If not, I’d have to go see an eye doctor and have things checked out further.
“Now, tell me about this lump on your leg.” He said.
You see, I’ve had a lump on my leg for a few years now. I had asked another doctor about it years ago and she assured me it was nothing– a “fat deposit” or something not important at all. So, I’ve let it go.
Except that it’s never gone away. And it’s started to feel a little different. I think about it from time to time. “I should get it checked out again.” Is something I’ve said to myself quite a few times. But I hold onto what the doctor told me years ago.
“It’s nothing.”
I hold onto that because I need to believe that’s true. Because I’m scared of the possibility that it’s actually *something.*
Today, I finally summoned the courage to bring it up to my doctor.
When he asked about it, I was all “it’s probably nothing ,but I figure I should ask because it’s better to be safe than sorry.” Then I made some not so funny joke about how I really can’t take another thing going wrong with my body because, you know, diseases and disorders and HA HA HA ENOUGH ALREADY, MY BODY.
He smiled and assured me it was probably nothing.
Then, he started to feel the lump.
And he felt some more. And some more.
I watched his face. His smile turned into a look of concern.
“Hm. This feels a little deep.”
My stomach started to feel a little sick.
“Yeah, I’m concerned with how deep this is and with how long you’ve had it. Do you have any other lumps?”
I did. Just beneath the one he was feeling.
He felt that one.
“I’m going to refer you to general surgery to have this removed. I want to get a biopsy on this.”
Wasn’t what I was expecting to hear. I was expecting him to laugh and say “You’re such a hypochondriac! You’re fine! Quit worrying!” I needed for him to say that.
But he didn’t.
He said “biopsy.”
As I was leaving, he handed me a prescription for my eye and a referral for surgery. “Make sure you make an appointment on your way for tomorrow so I can check on your eye.” He said.
But I didn’t do that. I just walked straight out of there, down the stairs, out the front door to call my husband.
I told him what had just happened.
“Don’t work yourself up!” Is what he said.
I hung up with him, went into the bathroom and started to cry. I couldn’t stop crying.
I’m trying really hard not to be dramatic about this, I’m keep telling myself things like “It’s probably nothing! You’ll laugh about this soon!”
But in the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder… what if?
I know biopsies can be scary (I’ve had 4). Hang in there. Thinking good thoughts for you. *HUGS*
You know how people say, “Just take one day at a time” when not-so-good stuff happens? (I went through this last year.) Well, I found out that that statement is helpful, but what really helped me most was keeping very, very busy. I managed to get through some very worrying days by cramming them full of activities. I am sure that your lump(s) will turn out to be nothing. I’ll be thinking about you and praying for you.
Good luck lady, I’m sure all will be find but I don’t blame you for freaking out!
Still, better late than never.
Good luck lady, I’m sure all will be fine but I don’t blame you for freaking out!
Still, better late than never.
Those two words are so small when separate, but together… WHAT IF… the two scariest words in the english language. My first thing to do when I get home is to light a candle for you. My Mom always says when something like this scares you, give the fear up to a Higher Power. Easier said than done, I realize. I wish you an ‘all clear’ from this biopsy, and I’m sending you all the virtual hugs and good vibes I can muster.
Ugh that sucks discomfort-wise, emotionally and physically. My mom had a deep lump taken out of her arm last year.
Biopsies are super frequent and routine. Even though they sound terribly scary, they’re just the front line to figure out what’s going on.
I’ll be thinking about you. I know how much it sucks to have these unknowns. 🙁
Hang in there, mama.
It will be better to find out what it is and get things taken care of, right? Please keep us posted and know that we’re thinking about you.
If it makes you feel any better, I have that exact same story except my lump was in my back. I had it removed this past March and it ended up being a cyst that had grown and was the size of a lemon. Every single thing that your first Dr said and your today Dr said was how it went for me too. I finally had it removed as a precaution and everything was wonderfully benign. I was sent to a general surgeon because it had gone so deep and the Dr was afraid it had gone into the muscle. The general surgeon was able to do it as an office visit. A whole bunch of novacaine, stiches, and $20 copay and I was out of there. I will hope for the same results for you!
I think it was brave of you to finally ask about it again and, while his response was not what you expected, at least now you will get some answers. Being a mom with a host of medical issues is completely draining … I have lupus, I understand. I am so hoping that this whole thing turns out to be nothing for you. Please keep us posted. You’ll be in my thoughts.
Please don’t let the what if’s steal your joy Yvonne.
I know this is an impossibly scary situation, but I also know that no matter the outcome you are one of the strongest, bravest women I have ever met and you will shine with grace no matter where this biopsy takes you.
I’m thinking of you and wishing healthy clean biopsy thoughts your way.
xo
It could just be a lipoma which is a benign (noncancerous) tumor of fatty tissue. I think weight loss/gain/loss etc. can help “create” them. I’ve had weight/thyroid issues as well the last 6 years. I had one lipoma on my back removed. My dog has one, too. lol
What ifs are scary things sometimes. Most of the time they are just things that make you worry for no reason though, so try not to work yourself up too much. That is good advice from the hubby!
I’ll be praying it is a wasn’t or an isn’t for you.
Ah, I know the feeling well. It’s easy to say don’t panic, it’ll be ok, but that doesn’t help with the worry. So I will say this: whatever it is? You’ll get through it, you’ll be fine one way or another. Get it taken care of so you can move on my friend. We’re here.
stupid cussin surgeries. keep the internets posted, please. i know you will be fine, but it is a scary drag.
The not knowing is worse than knowing. Get it removed as soon as you can, even if it is benign, because the whole waiting and not knowing is too stressful.
What if is the ugliest 4 letter word, worse than Move, for real. Crossing my fingers its nothing.
*hugs* After the whole thyroid thing, and the doc saying “nothingnothingnothing… oh something.” and having all the struggle that followed, I can imagine how you might feel gun shy right in this moment. Thinking good thoughts for you.
Sending you hugs and healthy thoughts. You are totally justified in freaking out, I would be too! Biopsies are stressful. But I think you will be fine.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. At least you finally said something… What if you hadn’t? (Trying to be positive.)
Good luck.
You won’t be able to change the result of the biopsy but you will be able to change what is next from there, so just go ahead, take care of your health. Stay in today, go to have the thing done, then take that out of your mind and wait for results. When you have them, then you give yourself permission to think about what the next step is. If nothing, hey go and celebrate, if something, take care of it.
Hugs from a reader.
Of course you are going to wonder and of course you are going to be scared. I would be at least. But, here is what I know. Doctors are super freaky cautious these days. For several reasons. One is that everybody sues them all the time and they have huge malpractice insurance fees. They want everyone to check it out, so they are not he only ones making the diagnosis. Also, if it is cancer, early detection is the best thing. Cancer is not a death sentence anymore. You would be amazed at the cancer cases that are being treated successfully. Now, that said, also, biopsies are fairly routine for many things these days. We just don’t realize that until it happens to us and we start talking about it. And lots of lumps turn out to be nothing.
Yeah…I’ve had a nasty lump taken out of my left butt cheek and another from my leg, but….the one I”m most worried about is the one I found two weeks ago in my left boob….going for an ultrasound and bi-lateral mammogram next Tuesday. Best vibes sent your way!
i sat here trying to think of something to say, but really all i want to do is send love.
i’ll be thinking of you today!!! xoxoxo
I have a feeling you’re going to be fine. And I’ve been right about three friends of mine who were losing sleep over their ailments recently.
Although the last one ended up being pregnant, but at least I was right about it not being an ulcer.
I hope by now that you have made a surgical appt. I know that you are scared but you need to have the lump(s) removed and biopsied just to make sure that you are healthy. It’s scary- but what’s scarier is not being around to be a mom for your kids. IF- and that’s a big if- there IS something wrong, the sooner you take care of it, the better your chances of recovery. Also- and this is more likely- it’s probably nothing, just a cyst- and the sooner you have it removed, the sooner you can stop obsessing and worrying over it. It’s ok to be scared and worry “what if” but now you have to be brave and make the appt. and have the surgery and find out what it is. If for no other reason than your kids.
Breathe in and out girl, it’ll be ok!
I had a lipoma in my leg (fatty lump of stuff) for years and years until I finally got it taken out. That sucker had grown roots. They do burrow deep, especially if you’ve had it for a while.
Hoping that’s all it is!
(Hug)
I am also a member of the biopsy club. It sucks, I know. I hated the waiting. I’ll be thinking about you and hoping you get the “it’s nothing” news!
I 100% hear you. While I’m grateful ‘biopsy’ has never been used “microcalcifications–watchful and yearly diagnostic mammogram” has and every year I dread and fear the word “biopsy” will be next (which makes me go into a mantra of “I can’t die. I can’t leave my baby”). It was awesome hearing “questionable results” when I was newly pregnant. Thank GOD it was a mixup with my record transfer. Ha ha. Life loves playing games.
Good luck. Praying for you.
If it has been there so long, there is a strong chance that it is nothing serious. But good for taking care of it.
Please try not to worry- We all have to go through these lumps and bumps and biopsies, especially as we get older, and just think! Almost all of us find out that THEY WERE NOTHING.
I know the fear you’re feeling all too well. Just try to think positive and try your best not to worry until you find out whether there’s actually something to be worried about.
Thinking of you. 🙂
tell him he can’t take your lovely lady lumps.
Saying a prayer for you and sending hugs.
Fingers crossed that it is just nothing!
Thinking of you from here.