Remember when I wrote the post about my husband finally joining facebook? And remember how I joked that I was going to make his profile picture a .gif that said “I love my wife” to keep the old skanks from his past away?
Well, this morning I logged into his facebook account to see if he had any new friend requests (before you get all “why are you logging into HIS account? How dare you be all up in his business!” you have to know that he never logs in, so every once in a while, I check for him and tell him who had sent friend requests. I’m not secretly logging into his account. I have his blessing.) ANYWAY. The first thing that pops up is a picture of His Jesus Loving Ugly Faced ex-girlfriend.
She requested to be his friend on facebook.
But she didn’t stop there! Oh no! She sent him a message. In her message, she was all “OMG! Your son is so handsome. How many kids do you have? I’m doing SO GOOD. God has been good to me. blahblahblah Oh, I tried to find your wife but couldn’t.”
I felt the raaaaaaaaage sweep over my entire body because how dare she. And also she’s baaack.
I don’t know if I’ve ever written about the hell she put me through in our first year of marriage or not. But I will sum it up here in case I haven’t.
I knew this girl since I was about 10 years old. Her family went to our church. Then she rebelled, moved out to her grandparents, which is where she met and dated my husband. They dated for a few years, then they broke up and Tony started going to our church with her mother. She found out about it and started coming to church too, just to keep an eye on him. Even though they weren’t together. She was a possessive bitch that way. She met a new man and they got engaged. She was SURE Tony was going to be devastated, because, you know, she such a catch. But he wasn’t. He was like “I wish you the best!” It was during her engagement that I met and begin to fall in love with Tony. Before that point, he was all “D’s dorky boyfriend” but the more I got to know him, the sexier he became to me and well, I wanted to marry him and have his babies.” She asked him and I to sing in her wedding, not knowing that we were falling in love. She found out shortly after when I told her I thought Tony was going to propose to me. She was all “WHAT?” And I was all “Yeah, we’re in love. We’re going to get married.” And she was all “Oh, that’s great.” But what she meant was “HOW DARE HE FALL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN SO SOON HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT ME NOT MARRYING HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.” We got married and she proceeded to make my life hell by doing things like calling my house asking to talk to Tony. Telling people they had dated and how hard it was for ME because, you know, they had sex. Calling her husband “Tony” and then saying “Oh, it’s so hard to not get the names mixed up when you’ve been with someone for so long.” and finally, mailing a 2 page letter to our house addressed only to Tony that said things like “I wish you would forgive me, let bygones be bygones.” And “I wish we could talk again and hang out together, but that would just be too awkward for our spouses, because, you know, WE SLEPT TOGETHER.” Tony never responded and the next time I saw her she was all “Did Tony get my email?” And I was all “Yeah, we got it and we read it and we laughed at it.” And she was all “Why would you laugh? I poured my heart out in that letter!” And I was all “Oh, I don’t know, because YOU’RE MARRIED WITH KIDS AND YOU REALLY NEED TO GET OVER IT AND LEAVE HIM ALONE NOW?” She started sobbing because “I was so mean to her! She was just trying to clear the air!” But everyone knew her tears were because my husband would not give her the time of day and it killed her.
Shortly after that, she moved away to Colorado. I’ve always thought it was at her husband’s suggestion, because of the fact she couldn’t stop trying to get my husband to pay attention to her.
I regret the way that I acted then. I wish I had never let her get to me. I wish I had been secure in the fact that my husband was madly, deeply, passionately in love with me. And in the fact that she had a kid (and gained a ton of weight and I was young, thin and had big, perky boobs) and we were child free and could go wherever we wanted, whenever we wanted and that we were having sex 4 times a day and she most likely wasn’t. But, I was young (19 years old) immature and completely, totally insecure about the fact that they had Sessual Relations.
I’m older and wiser now. I don’t have any jealousy regarding her or the fact that she contacted him. But I do have anger that the minute she gets on facebook, she looks my husband up, sends him a message and pretends like she can’t find me and that’s why she’s contacting him. I’m angry that at 42 years old, she still is thinking about my husband and trying to get her Jesus Loving Ugly Face in our business.
I called Tony the minute I saw her friend request. He wasn’t too happy about it either. He was like “What the hell is wrong with her? Why did she contact me?” And I was all “Oh, I don’t know, she’s a bitch?” And then I was all “Can I write her back and tell her to go eff herself?” And he was all “Go ahead, I don’t care.”
I had a really great email composed in my head. I would send it as Tony, because if I responded, she’d most likely think I was jealous or that I had intercepted her message before Tony had seen it. And the more I thought about it, the less right it felt. It was really up to him how to respond, or if he was going to respond at all. So, I didn’t say anything. I logged out of his account and told him he could handle it. (FYI, he told me to hit ignore on her request. Booyah!)
I feel like I have to respond in some way though. Like, not saying anything is letting her get away with something. So, here’s my plan. I want to friend her myself and then send her a polite note that said “Heard you were looking for me but couldn’t find me. what’s up?”
That way a) she’d know that Tony saw her message b) she’d know that he purposely ignored her b) she’d know that I KNOW without coming across like a jealous bitch. Or something. I don’t know anymore. I’m totally confused at this point. I don’t want to feed into her drama, but at the same time, I guess I kind of do. So, this is where you come in. If you were me, what would YOU do?
Category Archives: This Thing Called Life
You know things aren’t good when you’re crying over french toast.
Yesterday was one of the most beautiful mornings I can remember.
The sky was a perfect shade of blue, the clouds were white as cotton. The air was crisp and cool, but the sun was shining brightly. It was breathtaking, really.
I pushed back the curtains to let the rising sun light up the house. I opened every window in the house at 6:30 in the morning to let the cool, fresh air in. I sat in front of the window, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting to catch my breath. It felt good to sit there, to relax and enjoy the moment.
I’m having a rough time right now. I won’t elaborate except to say I’m feeling overwhelmed with things.
I’m doing the best that I can– using techniques that I learned to deal with anxiety and stress. It helps get me through each day.
And really, right now, that’s what I’m doing. Just trying to get through each day, hoping each night as I lay my head on my pillow to go to sleep that tomorrow is the day I don’t have to remind myself to breathe.
My Babies Daddy
I regret publishing the previous post. I wish I had waited until we had kissed and made up. That way, I could have written something I was proud of. Sigh.
In any case, we ended up having a wonderful day with our children and really, that’s all that matters.
Happy Fathers Day. I’m sorry I called you an A-hole.
Lately, it seems I’m a constant disappointment to the people in my life.
Let’s take today for example. I called my Dad this morning, 20 minutes before his service started, to wish him a Happy Fathers Day and to tell him I wanted to come over after church to bring him his present. “All morning I thought you were going to surprise me and come to church… that’s all I wanted. That would have been the best present in the world.”
Guess who was still in their pajamas? And who had no intention on going to church?
I hung up with my Dad, feeling awful, knowing I had disappointed hm yet again. That is when my husband thought it would be a good time to remind me for the 15th time that I didn’t give my Grandma a card for her birthday. He kept going on and on about it until I got pissed off and fought back with anger and tears. “How many birthday cards did you give YOUR Grandma while she was alive?” (The answer? NONE.) He was quick to point out the only reason I said such an ugly thing was “out of guilt” and to try to make myself feel better.
I wanted to write a heartfelt post for my husband for Fathers Day, but it’s not easy to do when I’m hurt and angry with him. But no matter how I feel about him right this very moment, I must acknowledge what an incredible father he is to our children. He always put his children first and I’ve never once heard him complain about how hard he works every day of his life to make sure they’re taken care of. He’s patient, compassionate and creative. Our children love him deeply and they are aware of how lucky they are to have such a dedicated man as their father.
I wish I could do this morning all over again, but since I can’t, I’ll just say Happy Fathers Day, Tony. I still love you.
Because I want you to be traumatized for life with me.
Yesterday I called PigHunter while he was on his way home from work to ask him if he’d pick up G from Grandma’s house.
“Babe, I can’t pick her up in my car. I think something died in here.”
“Why do you think something died in your car?”
“Because, oh my GOD, it smells so bad in here. It smells like death! Something died in my car!”
(Back story: His car had been parked at the equipment yard for about 2 weeks. He picked it up on Friday but it’s been sitting in the driveway until he left for work yesterday morning.)
I waited outside for him to get home. When he pulled up, he was all “oh my God, it’s disgusting, I have to find whatever it is.”
I watched from a distance as he opened the truck. I was totally and completely freaked out at the idea of something having died and rotting in his car so I kept my distance and pestered him from a far.
“Do you see anything? Is there anything there? What is in there? Anything dead in there?”
“Not yet, but I KNOW there’s something in here.”
The longer he searched without finding anything, the less freaked out I felt about it and the more I began to think PigHunter may be a liiiiiiiittle crazy. I finally got the nerve to walk up to the car to see what this awful smell was that my husband was talking about. All of the windows and doors were open, so I got as close as my fear of dead things would allow me and took a little sniff.
“It doesn’t smell bad.” I said.
“Oh yes it does, get closer. Sit down in the back and sniff.”
“Oh hell no. I will not do that. But I’m telling you, I don’t smell anything from where I’m at.”
Two minutes later he’s all “DEAD BABY MOUSE ON THE FLOOR!” and I was all “YOU’RE LYING!” and he was all “I swear, come look!” and I was all “You’re LYING YOU LIAR!”
But he wasn’t lying. Laying on the floor in the back of his car was a dead baby mouse. I may have ran away screaming because DEAD BABY MOUSE IN HUSBAND’S CAR.
He searched for more, but that was all he could find. But I warned him that there were more. There had to be more. Because what the chances that a single, teeny, tiny probably just born baby mouse had happened to find it’s way into his car and die?
So, he tore his poor, old, little car apart.
And underneath the carpet, he found 6 more of these:
Esus-jay Oesn’t-day Ove-lay Ore-(w)h-ays!
When I in elementary school, there were two neighbors I would play with every day. They were both older than me, but they were the best friends that I had in the neighborhood.
Jimm-ay and RhymesWithFonda. We would play everything from hide and seek to secret sex games that I did not KNOW were sex games because I had parents who didn’t tell me what sex was because did you know you can get pregnant just by “standing to close to a boy?” SWEAR TO NOT GOD BECAUSE SWEARING TO GOD IS A SIN! One thing we loved to do was skate in RhymesWithFonda’s driveway. She had The Perfect Driveway for skating. No gravel, or cracks. Just a smooth cement with awesome downward slant.
The fact that Jimm-ay and RhymesWithFonda were older than me created some problems. There was talk of sex that made me uncomfortable and sometimes made me cry because “I DON’T KNOW WHAT HUMPING IS BUT MY MOM AND DAD TOTALLY DON’T DO IT! LIARS!” Which of course led to “inside jokes” that made me feel bad about myself because they’d walk around telling their inside jokes and I’d laugh along and then RhymesWithFonda would be all “You don’t even know what it means so why are you laughing?” And I’d be all “Well, at least I’m going to heaven!” Because that was pretty much my comeback for everything when I was 8.
There was one summer in particular where I pretty much spent every day in RhymesWithFonda’s driveway. I remember one of those days as if it happened yesterday. Jimmy and RhymesWithFonda were outside skating and laughing louder than usual. I, of course, felt jealous and sad that they hadn’t come over and asked me to play. I laced up my skates and raced outside to join them. As I skated up the driveway, I said “Hi, guys! Can I play?”
“We don’t care.” RhymesWithFonda snapped back.
And then, then, it started.
All of this strange jibber jabber which I did not understand. Jimm-ay would say something and RhymesWithFonda would laugh and laugh. Then she’d say something back to him and he’d laugh and laugh.
“What are you guys saying?” I asked, feeling a little bit panicked inside.
“None of your business” they shot back.
And it went on and on.
They’d say these crazy, weird words and laugh. Sometimes they’d laugh while looking and pointing at me, other times while their backs were turned to me.
I begged them to stop.
“If you don’t like it, you can leave!” Jimm-ay shouted.
So, I left.
And went straight to Jimm-ays house to tattle.
I’ll never forget what his mom did for me. She didn’t turn me away. She didn’t tell me to quit being a crybaby. No. Instead, she invited me into her house, sat me on the sofa and listened to what I had to say.
“Oh, I see.” she said. “They’re speaking Pig Latin so that you can’t understand what they’re saying. That’s not very nice of them.”
But her kindness didn’t end there. Oh no it didn’t. She went and got one of those little personal chalkboards, a box of chalk and said “I’m going to teach you Pig Latin so they can’t talk about you anymore. Don’t tell them I taught you, we’ll surprise them.”
We sat there on her sofa for what seemed like hours while she drew on that little chalkboard and explained Pig Latin to me. Once she felt like I understood, she told me to go back out there and play with them again. “And if they say anything, just repeat what they said in English! They’ll never do it again!”
I couldn’t get to RhymesWithFonda’s house fast enough. As soon as I rolled up on them, they started with the Pig Latin.
I listened for a bit as they talked about me. Oh, how they laughed! And oh, how I laughed right along with them.
“You don’t even know what’s funny!” RhymesWithRhonda said.
“Yes I do! I know everything you just said!”
“DO NOT!”
“I-ay o-day oo-tay!”
Oh Snap.
Victory was mine! For that day, at least. Of course, they figured out other ways to leave me out. And I learned very quickly that Jimm-ays Mom couldn’t solve my problems for me every time. I learned that not everyone was going to like me all of the time and that the trick was to not let them know you cared and save your tears for your pillow. And for Jesus.
There was a point to this story. Something about how sometimes I feel left out of the Inside Joke of Life (or, you know, BLOGGING.), but honestly, I don’t care much to go into all of that because it’s Very Emotional for me and Wah! I didn’t graduate from college because my parents taught me it was God’s Will to get married at 19 and who needs college when you have Jesus and a Uterus?!
Or SOMETHING? BECAUSE OH MY GOD I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS BUT NOW YOU KNOW THE STORY OF HOW I LEARNED PIG LATIN. UCKY-LAY OU-YAY!
Yesterday, I was touched by an Angel
Yesterday, I joined a group of people for the March of Dimes to walk in honor of Maddie.I almost didn’t make it, because I almost stayed in bed. I was sick, fatigued and woe is me! I have a disease!
Yesterday, I walked alongside a women who is going through treatment for cancer. Brain cancer. And yet, she was there, walking 3 miles to support a friend in need. To honor a baby she loved.
Yesterday, I was reminded that life is bigger than myself and my own feelings, problems.
Yesterday, I was inspired to be a better friend, a better mother, a better partner.
Yesterday, I was reminded how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away.
Yesterday, I knew it was time I changed the way the way that I live my life, no longer seeing things through my own selfish eyes, but trying to see it through that of others.
Yesterday, I saw in action the true meaning of love and friendship and I have been forever changed. And those are not just empty words that I am typing.
Thank you for that, sweet Maddie. Thank you.
Remembering Maddie
Doing What We Can
I was going to donate money to the paypal account that has been set up to help the Spohr family cover the cost of Maddie’s funeral.
I decided against donating.
Instead, I went and ordered a digital camera. A Nikon Coolpix 10.0 mp camera.
But. The camera’s not for me.
I bought the camera with the intention of trying to raise money for The Spohr family. It is my wish that we can raise enough to cover any and all expenses so that they don’t have worry about such things. They have enough to deal with right now.
Here is how I’m going to do it. To enter, all you need to do is make a donation of at least $10. For every $10 you donate, you’ll get an extra chance to win. (Example: If you donate $30, you’ll be entered 3 times. If you donate $25, you’ll be entered twice.)
How you enter:
Click on the PayPal link set up in Maddie’s honor. Make a donation of at least $10.00.
When you receive your confirmation number, fill out the information on the form below:
*I’ve removed the form. Winner of the raffle will be announced tomorrow. (Saturday) Thank you so much for your donations.
How the winner will be chosen:
When the contest is closed, I will use random.org to select a number based on the number of entries I receive.
I will ship the camera to the winner on the day the winner is chosen, provided the order has arrived.
When will the winner be chosen?
I will stop accepting entries on Friday night (April 17th) and will choose the winner Saturday Morning. If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments and I’ll get back to you as soon as I possibly can.